i wish i could do something for you after reading this :\ .....

As much unhelpfull as this may sound, your not the first person i have seen in this site displaying clear deperession and loneliness

I am here trying to occupy my time while fighting severe depression myself....all i could suggest to you at this moment is to try not to think about it too much, seek for alternative things to occupy your mind with whatever you can think of that could help you or that you could be interested into. And while you trying this (may it not work or not) try to seek help in your family (if you do have one) and search out for a specialist or psychologist to give you moral and psychological support.

I hope this message will not bother you. If you think this may be of help i do try to be active here on this site for the moment while posting whatever i produce.
(be however carefull if you do seek help online, as plenty of people will try their best to either ignore you or worsen your conditions)

I saw a lot of myself in that post sir.

Dont you ever give up!! BE strong....if not for yourself, seek deeply inside of you if there truely is someone worth to fight and live for!