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More from TheoArtoris
It's about time I did this, but I don't expect it to help any.
The stupid drawing above surely didn't, either.
Nor has the endless amounts of condolences I've received,
nor any of the people who are "there for me".
The drinking doesn't help, only lets me momentarily forget.
But I'm not allowed to forget, now am I?
Every little thing I see, do, hear, watch, say, the very place I live,
Do nothing but serve as another knife in my back, driving the others deeper.
The things people say that remind me of you, god forbid someone asks about you.
The things others have that I've given you.
The stupid little things I say that we came up with together.
The things I forgot to shove in that box that last night.
But it's time this all came out for everyone to see.
Time for everyone to know what happened, the truth this time.
So for those of you reading along, buckle up it's gonna get hairy.
I couldn't have been happier for you when you finally moved out.
But then things began to change, just subtle things at first.
I chalked these up to stress from your classes, which they may have been.
But being the kind of person I am, I just went with the flow,
Doing my absolute best to be agreeable with you and do what you wanted.
I loved you so much that I was willing to put up with nearly anything.
And for a while there, I did.
But, here again was this person who was "Just a friend",
that just happened to be moving to the area.... yeah okay.
I was already suspicious at this point, but still a blind fool.
And then, you have the nerve to come to my home,
on a sacred holiday, no less,
gather your gifts from me, throw the half-a-gift you got at me,
and tell me that you've had him over at your place,
ALONE, and drinking together.
And you see nothing wrong with this, even though I'm fit to be tied.
I chalk this one up to your naive childishness, and try to work around it.
I say that if the shoe were on the other foot, you'd be furious and leave me.
You reply that you wouldn't be upset, and now I see why.
No matter what you say, this has clearly been going on for some time now.
Hell, there are things you have left out in the open that prove otherwise.
The day you dropped the bomb, was the first time you fucked up.
Followed by several subsequent mistakes that only prove you a liar.
After I say that I'm on my way to your place to repaint the door with my brains,
you make the mistake of calling my mother to stop me.
When she asks if there is anyone else, you make the idiotic mistake of lying to her, twice.
If there is one person who can tell when others are lying, it's her.
Twenty-two years of living with a liar will do that to you.
And when I came to give you back all the things you'd given me and look for answers,
I asked several times if there was anyone else, knowing there was.
Each time you lied to me, to much of a coward to even look me in the eyes.
And when I call you out on it, you say I'm "being intimidating."
When you've never shown signs of being scared of me, even at my angriest.
Strike two.
But you let me leave, after telling me not to "do anything stupid, or hurt myself".
The only reason you could even muster that, is because you knew
that there are people in my life that wont allow me to take my own life.
Though I wish I could, so that you would have to live with that guilt.
Would you feel any guilt? Are you that much of a child that you wouldn't?
And strike three, and the biggest glaring one of all,
when you posted your happy little couple's picture.
Love of your life, huh? That sure doesn't sound like a spontaneous thing, does it?
People aren't all the idiots you take them for.
And how dare you use the same poses we did when we first started dating and took our first picture together.
Truly fucking childish, but something I should have expected from you.
Which brings me to what you really are, a fucking child.
I personally blame it on your upbringing, but do not accept that as an excuse.
After the split, you ran and hid like a frightened child that had broken something.
You removed anyone who would have any chance of proving your guilt,
and gave cries to help to those gullible enough around you to offer you "support."
Why the fuck do you need support, when you're the one at fault here?!
You don't deserve the shoulder of anyone you've cried on,
but I doubt you've felt much guilt due to this at all.
Or if you do, you are too much of a coward to do anything about it.
Meanwhile, I sit here with my on psyche tearing me apart,
My very subconscious clinging to what it wants most,
even when I don't anymore.
It still clings for any answers it can find in dreams, no matter how ludicrous they are.
Oh, and the journal you tried to defend yourself with was also just too much.
Telling people to "stop the drama".
Ho boy, did you really think people are that stupid?
You can't even lift a hand to defend yourself,
because all you have to say is that "things weren't working out".
I personally find this hilarious, as we were just coming out of a rough spot,
and I thought loving each other more than ever,
as well as planning our anniversary a week before the split.
You've done nothing but shoot yourself in the foot, and it's time everyone knew you for the liar, slut, cheater, and child you are.
What do I want from all this?
The first can't happen, because I can't turn back time and save you.
The second is almost just as unlikely.
I want nothing more than for you to come crawling back to me, begging for forgiveness,
finally having realize just how bad you've fucked up.
But before that I'd like you to realize what you gave me up for, which is nothing more than a joke of a human being.
I want you to tell me how it feels having traded a Ferrari for a Gremlin.
You already realize how less of a man he is, and regret that, no doubt.
You threw the best thing that will ever happen to you under a bus,
just so you could be with someone else who shared a few more likes than me.
Even now I don't know if I'd forgive you if you came back.
Why should I, when I told you that you had hurt me worse than anyone,
worse than my last relationship, and worse than my father that abused me for 16 years,
and all you have to say is "I know."
Why should I give you the time of day?
Because some idiotic part of me still loves you,
and is the only reason I haven't gone out of my way to ruin your life.
Even though I know there's the chance you feel as innocent as the child you are,
I hope this weighs down on you and breaks you in two, though you deserve far worse.
Maybe you'll get what's coming to you.
And when it does, I'll be here. Like you weren't.
The stupid drawing above surely didn't, either.
Nor has the endless amounts of condolences I've received,
nor any of the people who are "there for me".
The drinking doesn't help, only lets me momentarily forget.
But I'm not allowed to forget, now am I?
Every little thing I see, do, hear, watch, say, the very place I live,
Do nothing but serve as another knife in my back, driving the others deeper.
The things people say that remind me of you, god forbid someone asks about you.
The things others have that I've given you.
The stupid little things I say that we came up with together.
The things I forgot to shove in that box that last night.
But it's time this all came out for everyone to see.
Time for everyone to know what happened, the truth this time.
So for those of you reading along, buckle up it's gonna get hairy.
I couldn't have been happier for you when you finally moved out.
But then things began to change, just subtle things at first.
I chalked these up to stress from your classes, which they may have been.
But being the kind of person I am, I just went with the flow,
Doing my absolute best to be agreeable with you and do what you wanted.
I loved you so much that I was willing to put up with nearly anything.
And for a while there, I did.
But, here again was this person who was "Just a friend",
that just happened to be moving to the area.... yeah okay.
I was already suspicious at this point, but still a blind fool.
And then, you have the nerve to come to my home,
on a sacred holiday, no less,
gather your gifts from me, throw the half-a-gift you got at me,
and tell me that you've had him over at your place,
ALONE, and drinking together.
And you see nothing wrong with this, even though I'm fit to be tied.
I chalk this one up to your naive childishness, and try to work around it.
I say that if the shoe were on the other foot, you'd be furious and leave me.
You reply that you wouldn't be upset, and now I see why.
No matter what you say, this has clearly been going on for some time now.
Hell, there are things you have left out in the open that prove otherwise.
The day you dropped the bomb, was the first time you fucked up.
Followed by several subsequent mistakes that only prove you a liar.
After I say that I'm on my way to your place to repaint the door with my brains,
you make the mistake of calling my mother to stop me.
When she asks if there is anyone else, you make the idiotic mistake of lying to her, twice.
If there is one person who can tell when others are lying, it's her.
Twenty-two years of living with a liar will do that to you.
And when I came to give you back all the things you'd given me and look for answers,
I asked several times if there was anyone else, knowing there was.
Each time you lied to me, to much of a coward to even look me in the eyes.
And when I call you out on it, you say I'm "being intimidating."
When you've never shown signs of being scared of me, even at my angriest.
Strike two.
But you let me leave, after telling me not to "do anything stupid, or hurt myself".
The only reason you could even muster that, is because you knew
that there are people in my life that wont allow me to take my own life.
Though I wish I could, so that you would have to live with that guilt.
Would you feel any guilt? Are you that much of a child that you wouldn't?
And strike three, and the biggest glaring one of all,
when you posted your happy little couple's picture.
Love of your life, huh? That sure doesn't sound like a spontaneous thing, does it?
People aren't all the idiots you take them for.
And how dare you use the same poses we did when we first started dating and took our first picture together.
Truly fucking childish, but something I should have expected from you.
Which brings me to what you really are, a fucking child.
I personally blame it on your upbringing, but do not accept that as an excuse.
After the split, you ran and hid like a frightened child that had broken something.
You removed anyone who would have any chance of proving your guilt,
and gave cries to help to those gullible enough around you to offer you "support."
Why the fuck do you need support, when you're the one at fault here?!
You don't deserve the shoulder of anyone you've cried on,
but I doubt you've felt much guilt due to this at all.
Or if you do, you are too much of a coward to do anything about it.
Meanwhile, I sit here with my on psyche tearing me apart,
My very subconscious clinging to what it wants most,
even when I don't anymore.
It still clings for any answers it can find in dreams, no matter how ludicrous they are.
Oh, and the journal you tried to defend yourself with was also just too much.
Telling people to "stop the drama".
Ho boy, did you really think people are that stupid?
You can't even lift a hand to defend yourself,
because all you have to say is that "things weren't working out".
I personally find this hilarious, as we were just coming out of a rough spot,
and I thought loving each other more than ever,
as well as planning our anniversary a week before the split.
You've done nothing but shoot yourself in the foot, and it's time everyone knew you for the liar, slut, cheater, and child you are.
What do I want from all this?
The first can't happen, because I can't turn back time and save you.
The second is almost just as unlikely.
I want nothing more than for you to come crawling back to me, begging for forgiveness,
finally having realize just how bad you've fucked up.
But before that I'd like you to realize what you gave me up for, which is nothing more than a joke of a human being.
I want you to tell me how it feels having traded a Ferrari for a Gremlin.
You already realize how less of a man he is, and regret that, no doubt.
You threw the best thing that will ever happen to you under a bus,
just so you could be with someone else who shared a few more likes than me.
Even now I don't know if I'd forgive you if you came back.
Why should I, when I told you that you had hurt me worse than anyone,
worse than my last relationship, and worse than my father that abused me for 16 years,
and all you have to say is "I know."
Why should I give you the time of day?
Because some idiotic part of me still loves you,
and is the only reason I haven't gone out of my way to ruin your life.
Even though I know there's the chance you feel as innocent as the child you are,
I hope this weighs down on you and breaks you in two, though you deserve far worse.
Maybe you'll get what's coming to you.
And when it does, I'll be here. Like you weren't.
Category Artwork (Digital) / All
Species Unspecified / Any
Size 1000 x 750px
File Size 570.4 kB
Can I say, that as emotional and hurt fuelled that this is. That both the art and also your thoughts that go along with it are very ponient and powerful? Its like, you've somehow found a way to compress all of your feelings into an eloquent and lenghtly prose here. And for what its worth, I hope that it lts at least a step in the tight direction towards finding peace with your self again, and being able to turn your back on all the BS you don't deserve and move forward with your life. No one should have the power to ruin your life and the sooner you take that away the better.
also.
I know I am not online on Skype much, and that often I am extremely busy, as is unavoidably so, if I am present, I will always make time to speak with you. You need do nothing more than a poke.
You have a strong will and a level head. You'll get through it. And be better for it.
~nomsune~
also.
I know I am not online on Skype much, and that often I am extremely busy, as is unavoidably so, if I am present, I will always make time to speak with you. You need do nothing more than a poke.
You have a strong will and a level head. You'll get through it. And be better for it.
~nomsune~
Something I learned a long time ago is that life isn't about how few mistakes you make, but how good you are at taking a hit and still moving on.
Sometimes you have to deal with some serious bullshit; don't only focus on what could have gone better, what you should have done, what other people should have done. That's a good way to feel real bad, real quick.
Thing is, you can't change the past, but it can change you... I'm not saying you don't have the right to feel bad. I'm just saying you shouldn't let that hurt you so much you forget about what you've got left, about what truly matters to you.
The moment you decide that nothing matters is the time you stop being able to enjoy life as much as you did before.
Don't do that.
I wish I never did.
Sometimes you have to deal with some serious bullshit; don't only focus on what could have gone better, what you should have done, what other people should have done. That's a good way to feel real bad, real quick.
Thing is, you can't change the past, but it can change you... I'm not saying you don't have the right to feel bad. I'm just saying you shouldn't let that hurt you so much you forget about what you've got left, about what truly matters to you.
The moment you decide that nothing matters is the time you stop being able to enjoy life as much as you did before.
Don't do that.
I wish I never did.
I wouldn't wish this on anyone, and sadly it happens all too often. I doubt anything said will help ease this pain, especially from a stranger like me. They say time heals all wounds, but the scars don't fade. You had the strength to post your feelings, in both picture and words. That is a rare gift, and takes great courage, and for that I applaud you. Whether this does or doesn't make you feel better, it took courage to do.
I'm always happy to speak to new people, if you would like my skype then all you need to do is ask. I'm nearly always on it, talking might help, it might not. And I can only support you in words on it.
I know this may seem like a mixed feelings post, but I don't beleive in lying to anyone - cept about who took the last slice of pizza - and I hope it doesn't make you feel worse. Just know that the world would loose a talented and gifted person if you did go through with what your thinking.
I'm always happy to speak to new people, if you would like my skype then all you need to do is ask. I'm nearly always on it, talking might help, it might not. And I can only support you in words on it.
I know this may seem like a mixed feelings post, but I don't beleive in lying to anyone - cept about who took the last slice of pizza - and I hope it doesn't make you feel worse. Just know that the world would loose a talented and gifted person if you did go through with what your thinking.
I know it hurts.
Don't let it happen twice, not from the same person Theo. I've been there before. You've started to realize you're better than her that's good.
People like her, they fuck up. She's going to come crawling back, but if you give the trust back people like that...they stab you again. I know I've made that mistake.
Take what of you remains, cherish it again and find someone. There is someone somewhere you can cherish even more, someone somewhere that will cherish you back.
The long road sucks.
I know I have no way to prove I care any more than any other one of your thousand watchers.
I just want to offer some help to a hurting heart so I hope you hear this. We can chat too if you like, but I'm more or less daft and vulgar most of the time. 'Well intentioned asshole'
Take care of yourself.
Can't save anyone if you're not there to do it.
Don't let it happen twice, not from the same person Theo. I've been there before. You've started to realize you're better than her that's good.
People like her, they fuck up. She's going to come crawling back, but if you give the trust back people like that...they stab you again. I know I've made that mistake.
Take what of you remains, cherish it again and find someone. There is someone somewhere you can cherish even more, someone somewhere that will cherish you back.
The long road sucks.
I know I have no way to prove I care any more than any other one of your thousand watchers.
I just want to offer some help to a hurting heart so I hope you hear this. We can chat too if you like, but I'm more or less daft and vulgar most of the time. 'Well intentioned asshole'
Take care of yourself.
Can't save anyone if you're not there to do it.
I'm tempted to ask you to unwatch me, as with her being a very close friend of mine I will inevitably draw art for her in the future, and I'd rather not hurt you with that if you can't handle seeing stuff that reminds you of her and him.
I'm sorry you feel this way, Theo. I wish I could say something to help but I know I would be the worst person to talk to about it, probably.
I really do hope you heal in time. It might take years, but it is true that time does slowly change things.
I'm sorry you feel this way, Theo. I wish I could say something to help but I know I would be the worst person to talk to about it, probably.
I really do hope you heal in time. It might take years, but it is true that time does slowly change things.
Well, do so if you think it'll help.
I'd prefer not to take sides, it's hard when I am not there to witness first hand and I only have what she tells me and what you post to go by. She is a close friend of mine, so of course I will stay friends with her. She hasn't done anything wrong to me. You haven't either. So..I'd rather just not comment on the situation.
I'd prefer not to take sides, it's hard when I am not there to witness first hand and I only have what she tells me and what you post to go by. She is a close friend of mine, so of course I will stay friends with her. She hasn't done anything wrong to me. You haven't either. So..I'd rather just not comment on the situation.
This was quite the read for me pal. But all I can say is: You deserve far better than what she had given you and made you look like the 'bad guy' here. And hopefully if she has the very guts or heart to see and read all of this, maybe she will regain the senses she obviously lost and what cost her a great man from what I gather from the times we spend chatting together.
I wish I could say 'Everything will be ok', but I cant see the future and frankly no one should, its something we form with our own actions and sometimes we have to fall to get father than we progressed at the moment, but what she has done obviously means her future was daring to take chances and risk everything that had made her happy to get something that made her seem foolish and dirty.
I hope these words help you and hopefully time can mend your hurt and painful wounds. Im always around to give comfort the best to my abilities and to get at least a small smile from you. Your too great of a friend-no. Man, to let something as trivial as this bring you down and trying to keep you in the very position.
Your friend: Max
OXOXOX
I wish I could say 'Everything will be ok', but I cant see the future and frankly no one should, its something we form with our own actions and sometimes we have to fall to get father than we progressed at the moment, but what she has done obviously means her future was daring to take chances and risk everything that had made her happy to get something that made her seem foolish and dirty.
I hope these words help you and hopefully time can mend your hurt and painful wounds. Im always around to give comfort the best to my abilities and to get at least a small smile from you. Your too great of a friend-no. Man, to let something as trivial as this bring you down and trying to keep you in the very position.
Your friend: Max
OXOXOX
I don't consider this a favorite; I consider this something I want to remember.
I don't have anything I can really say; I watched you and forgot I did so for a while. That tends to happen when you watch over a thousand people, but at the same time it means there's always something for me to discover, be it someone in need of a little comfort or what little help I can offer to keep them going, or just a simple congratulations for reaching a goal they've been after for so long. This time though...I dunno. I hope the people above are giving it a good try, though I got the impression from the beginning of this that they likely won't help much.
But I should explain why I want to remember. This terrible time in your life may best be forgotten sometime down the road, but as it is right now...I imagine that those words were likely raw and painful to get out. But in a way, if things start looking up in my own life, I think it's vital that I remember that terrible shit like this does happen, and it is painful as hell for those involved. I won't call you a victim; I don't think that's how you wanna be thought of as you find a way forward and perhaps try to shatter those chains still tying you to her. And I guess I lied, because I am touching on things more than I thought I would. You need new memories without her, I think; a lot of new ones. Hopefully you'll make some at FWA, and those close to you and close geographically to you can provide new ones in places you know and love. Other than that? I dunno right now. I suppose if you ever find yourself alone for a while and you don't like that; you're free to add me on Skype, should you feel like it. I tend to be on far more than I should probably.
I don't have anything I can really say; I watched you and forgot I did so for a while. That tends to happen when you watch over a thousand people, but at the same time it means there's always something for me to discover, be it someone in need of a little comfort or what little help I can offer to keep them going, or just a simple congratulations for reaching a goal they've been after for so long. This time though...I dunno. I hope the people above are giving it a good try, though I got the impression from the beginning of this that they likely won't help much.
But I should explain why I want to remember. This terrible time in your life may best be forgotten sometime down the road, but as it is right now...I imagine that those words were likely raw and painful to get out. But in a way, if things start looking up in my own life, I think it's vital that I remember that terrible shit like this does happen, and it is painful as hell for those involved. I won't call you a victim; I don't think that's how you wanna be thought of as you find a way forward and perhaps try to shatter those chains still tying you to her. And I guess I lied, because I am touching on things more than I thought I would. You need new memories without her, I think; a lot of new ones. Hopefully you'll make some at FWA, and those close to you and close geographically to you can provide new ones in places you know and love. Other than that? I dunno right now. I suppose if you ever find yourself alone for a while and you don't like that; you're free to add me on Skype, should you feel like it. I tend to be on far more than I should probably.
It hurts, and I'll spare you hollow condolences, People say those things for their own benefit, it makes them feel like they did something. It doesn't help.
Right now you need to feel what you're feeling. Soon, you need to let it go.
Take a healthy dose of fuckitol and move on.
Relationships like this teach you a lot about what you don't need in your life. Take it as a learning experience, painful as it is.
Right now you need to feel what you're feeling. Soon, you need to let it go.
Take a healthy dose of fuckitol and move on.
Relationships like this teach you a lot about what you don't need in your life. Take it as a learning experience, painful as it is.
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