As some of you might have heard on Facebook, my mother lied to me about my wall being damaged by storms we've had recently in the UK. There is no damage, my room is fine and will not fall down like she told me.

She used it as an excuse to take everything in my room and shove it in the loft to make way for a 'Guest Room' as I don't spend enough time at home.
(My mother is strict, if I stood up to her i'd get beaten mentally, physically and torn apart emotionally.)

My mother controls my life. I'm 24 and still scared of what she would do to me if I disobeyed. When there is noone to blame, she puts all her hate onto me and -I- have to deal with it. Alot of people tell me I get used and abused by my mum, but stupid thing is I still love her...her toughness saved me from being killed as a kid many times. (Abusive father...mhm.)

I used to love it when it was just me and her in a flat in Coventry, noone interfered...it was just us and she was so much happier before she met my Stepdad...and for a few years she was happy...going to motorbike rallies and having fun. Now, we live boring stressful lives with no freedom of the road.

Last night I was on the phone to and all I heard was laughter in the next room...I fell apart. I know they are laughing at me...the broken daughter they will never love like they used to. My mum laughs off my depression/anxiety/phobias/panic disorder/impulses/self harm and psychosis and failing health as all fake - i'm just LAZY.

If I wanted to get up and do something, my body would freeze up and my brain would tell me its not worth waking up. So I stay in bed most of the morning/afternoon because I can't get up and go! ;_; I hate it.

My mother is also a strict martial artist instructor...she has fun with Kung Fu, its the only time I see her happy and we interact and playfight. I've talked to people, they think because she is tough and strong , that nothing should be wrong with me...I should be like her, perfect. She even opens my letters and hides them if its anything to do with my psychotherapy or physiotherapy...

But i'm not.

I'm a physical wreck with a broken mind and a shattered, bruised heart.

I've been used and abused, not to sound like a sob story...but i'm broken...and my last 'escape' has been taken from me and is now being turned into a room ANYBODY can use.

My sanctuary is gone.