Art previously published in the Furry Connection North conbook with the simple caption "Confirmed!"

A special Mythbusters Halloween
A fanfic by the pickle.

Jamie: "As always, PLEASE don't try this at home"
Adam: "EVER!"

Adam Savage ...I reject your reality and substitute my own! ... and Jaime Hyneman... Quack, Damn you! ...Between them more than 30 years special effects experience. They don't just tell the myths, they put them to the test!

[Trophy set]

Adam: "Here at Mythbuster, we have a rule about no paranormal or, as Jamie calls it, 'Oogie boogie" myths. However, with the recent video of Iron Wolf coming out of Chicago, the producers decided we needed to tackle this myth once and for all."

Jamie: *huffs* "So. Under protest: what's the myth?"

Adam: "Well, we don't have a werewolf *in studio*, so we're going to be concentrating on the various myths about how one *becomes* a werewolf - if any of them work."

Jamie: "This aught to be easy."

Adam: "Specificly, we're not looking for a spiritual 'I think I'm a werewolf' transformation there, only real live, fully visible claws and fangs results are being looked for."

Jamie: "Fair enough. I guess."

<scene change, shows classic blueprint being written on with white pencil - "Drinking from a wolf's pawprint" - plus a few crude wolf paw print drawings >

Adam: "Since we don't HAVE a werewolf on hand, we can't test the "bitten by a werewolf" method. However, according to medieval folklore, the most common method by which you could become a werewolf is to drink water from the footprint of a wolf."

<scene change, to Adam and Jamie entering a zoo, meeting some guy>

VO: "So Adam and Jamie visit Samuel Kinneson, animal handler at the San Francisco Zoo"

Sam: "Hi!"

Jamie: "Hi. We're testing a myth that you become a werewolf after drinking water from the footprint of a wolf. Could you help us out?"

Sam: "Sure, come on back."

Adam: (to the camera) "That was strangely easy. I wonder how many times a day he hears that?"


[bare ground inside wolf's area. Jamie is pouring plaster into the footprint of a wolf.]
Adam: For sanitary and testing purposes, we're making a plaster cast of the footprint. That way, we can test with various liquids and circumstances without having a wolf in studio to make new prints.




VO: But in order to properly identify exactly when someone BECOMES a werewolf, Adam and Jamie need to be able to trigger the change.

Jamie: (walks up behind Adam) How's the fake full moon coming?

Adam: Ready to test it ... now... (flips a switch, a light bulb glows and a machine hums)

Jamie: (ears change into wolf ears, doesn't notice.)

Adam: (still fiddling with the machine) The principle behind this is simple: replicate the light that comes from the moon. This radiation may need to be just bright enough to pass a threshhold, or may just need to be circular.

Jamie: (grows a muzzle, notices it, eyes growing wide) Whoops.

Adam: (looks up, but away from Jamie) I called up some astrologers and experts on light and they told me exactly what happens to light from the sun after it hits the moon's surface.

Jamie: (grows claws and fur all over. Shirt is straining. He's silent, his hands vaguely gesturing in confusion)

Adam: Aaand then they told me they had a Moon lamp bulb just lieing around. So I had them send it over to us. And I souped up the power!

Jamie: (looks down at himself, frustrated) Well. Apparently, I'm a werewolf.

Adam: (Glances behind him, double takes, then jumps in fright, knocking the chair over.) Sh*t! F*ck! (Runs several feet away from Jamie, knocking over some plaster buckets) ... Jamie?

Jamie: (Looks up) Yeah?

Adam: You still in there?

Jamie: Yeah. It's just ... (holds out the shreads of his white shirt.)

Adam: (pause, laughs)

Jamie: Thanks.

Adam: Are you all right? No urges to kill me, rip me limb from limb?

Jamie: (Shakes head, matter-of-factly) No more than usual.


Narrator: This isn't the first time an unexpected discovery has changed the direction of the show, and Jamie's level head keeps shining through.

[Mythbusters trophy set]

Adam: I have a question - WHY are YOU a werewolf?

Jamie: Well, We've several mythical ways of determining werewolfism. Ways that you can't really replicate. Like being concieved under a new moon, born on Christmas, born during a full moon, being the elder son of a preist, not going to confession for 10 years, and frequently sleeping outdoors on friday nights while the light of the moon shines in your face.

Adam: Sure. We had to throw those out, because of logic and time constraints.

Jamie: Well - (holds up wolf paws) that's me.

Adam: Heh. (puts his hand on his head, shrugs, and gestures at Jamie) Well, THERE's your problem!

Jamie: Stop.

Adam: Wait - I thought your birthday was in September.

Jamie: My parents insisted on celebrating it then, in stead.

Adam: Sleeping outdoors?

Jamie: (looks at him like he should know this) I'm survival expert. I've slept outdoors plenty of times.

Adam: Well, as far as the SHOW goes, this opens up some possibilities. With a real live werewolf, we can actually test a few of the ones we threw out.

Jamie: When do I get to (enjoys the next word:) Bite you?

Adam: (Opens mouth, holds up a finger at Jamie, looks back at the camera, to Jamie again, then points at Jamie) I'll get back to you.


[scenes of Jamie mixing and pouring ballistics gel]
Narrator: Before we start wolfing people down, we're going to see what Jamie's new chompers will do to a NON-living victim.


Jamie: I would like to take this opportunity to debunk a few myths about werewolves. (Counts off on a heavily bandaged hand)
*No regeneration
*No silver aversion
*No super strength
*No bloodlust
*No deep connection with nature
*No frightening of animals
*No compulsive butt-sniffing
*No desire to drink out of a toilet
*No - other - "doggy" instincts.
(with emphasis:) At all.
(scratches behind an ear)

VO: (smarmy) I notice you didn't say "No fleas", Jamie.


[Ballistics gell torso of Adam on a table, with Jamie and Adam nearby]

Jamie: Before we go forward, what exactly is this supposed to help us with?

Adam: We're having you bite the dummy in several places to judge the damage done, and to take samples of any saliva, blood, or other residue left behind.

Jamie: Fair enough. So - what - I just... bite it?

Adam: Yup. Go for it.

Jamie: (shrugs) okay... (walks over to dummy, frowns, cocks his head to one side, then the other) Uhh... so... (puts his hands on the shoulders, then opens his mouth and places it on the skull

Adam: (in an austrailian accent, an aside to the camera, probably cut and pasted in later) Lookit the technique of the beast. Aww, these guys really hate it when you make fun of their berets. (cups hand over mouth) Take the giant dead grape off your head! (aside:) Aww - lookit the mustache on this one. A real foyne specimin of Lupus Hynamuckus. Bewdiful!

Jamie: (finishes biting the head, arm, and licking the torso once) Ugh. I need a toothbrush.

[Editor's note: brain no longer working. The episode continues as everyone on the staff, including the cameraman and producers, are infected and all turn into werewolves, confirming every myth out there. Sorry for the cop out!]