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More from Iodavine
Autopsy's Perspective;
Dear People of the Public~
Last night, after investigating local claims that the Walmart across the street had
just received a new shipment of Wildberry poptarts, your
valiant Chancellor braved the scary darkness and stocked up.
There's this horrid, broad angle of the street I have to walk along in order to get back to
my castle, with big fugly trees and just one, dim street light that only seemed
to complete the set of a horror film.
--I'll make this quick; basically I found this girl chillin' around that light, an' the situation
was just beggin' yours truly to inquire. She seemed like she just hop skipped an' jumped right
outta the Grudge, but I asked her what she was doing out here...
..She didn't answer me- I asked once more and after still gettin' natta outta her, your
Chancellor being the fabulous gentleman he is, offered her a poptart.
I DON'T KNOW HOW, BUT SHE BROKE MY SMOULDER. So I just tried to gently place
the deliciousness in her chewing hole-- But not before she smacked my treats to the
ground and started walking away.
BWAH!?? WHAT-- HOW!? I looked over my shoulder to that beast walking away.
Does she know who I am?! THAT FOUL, BUTTER CHURNING, KITTEN SMELLING,
GOOD FOR NUTHIN' FEMALE WAS THE MOST BEAUTIFUL CREATURE I'VE EVER SEEN!!![/u]
...I must have her.
These thoughts string fresh from my juicy brain as I tuck my beloved departed pop tart in for a long dirt nap.
His life was short lived and had no chance to experience the wonders of the world.
But...
It did[/b] get to touch the lips of that ghastly maiden. --TCH, BEFORE SHE MURDERED THIS LITTLE GUY.
*sobs* GUYS... Who would do such a thing?? C'mon now, I ain't a dramatic guy, y'all know this...
--BUT, this might be the tastiest grave I ever had the displeasure of making.
I heard the dreadful treading of combat boots approaching my derrière extraordinaire and stood to my feet to
face whoever decided to attend my unrehearsed elegy.
"--!! HEY! I KNEW YOU'D COME BACK! No-good-doers always return to the scene of the crime!!
WHAT BRINGS YOU HERE, HARLOT?"
Again, the agonizingly horrid aura of this female must have made my ears numb, because I didn't hear what she said.
--But she gave me a blade of grass. .....Which does look cute on the grave.
I looked down at the grave as I unscrewed the cap to my farm-fresh milk and took a sip. If I ain't mistaken, it seemed
to me like she implied her condolences with that blade of grass.
Tch, sorry- I know it's obvious she did, it's just hard to gift-wrap my mind around it. She was a siren- A true work of horrid art...
like the midnight ivory sun looming behind wicked silhouetted trees, her eyes and hair fit that description beautifully. And like the pearlescence glow of snow in an early morning, her skin looked nothing like that at all.
It was more like milk duds.
Milk decorated the ground and formed a little moat around the grave as I honored my fallen homie.
SO, this is where our story comes to an end. And weirdly a beginning. I feel funny.
Here's a rundown y'all. Given some time from that poptart tragedy, I took a bit to track down our fair harlot.
Every three days, that chick ventures out into this tragic world to dabble in one of life's delicious treats-
A white marble confetti cake.
HA! SO... Yours truly channeled his inner Pokemon master and stalked this bad girl--
The second she moved under my tree fortress, down from the heavens I leapt and clamped my super secret weapon to
her neck. And with the touch of my mighty hand I slapped the other end on my wrist.
Yeah, I just chained that foxy lady. To me. SCORE!
*Audience applauses* PLEASE! MY PEOPLE! Heel your excitement, I know... Now everyone line up orderly and prepare to
receive brofists.
Yeah- So... Why did I chain her? Well I think it'd be pretty rad to have a real-life Alessa Gillespie
keep me company in my massive castle. -Not that you sexy citizens don't keep me good company it's just--
I've always wanted to have a kitten in my quarters... Maybe she can help me out with my work an' such!
Oh-- OH!!! I almost forgot to name her! That's the FUN part!
"Hmm.. Juice. You'll take the last half of my name. It's fittin', younno?"
I graced her little, terrifying body with a Chancellor-y hug.
"D'AWE, WIDDLE JUICY WOOSIE--"
"Just 'Juice' is fine."
She recoiled, almost surprised by her answer. ...It was cute.
"If 'Juice' is your last name, then what in the heck is your first??"
"OH, you wish to inquire further on your new daddy? D'awe~ Well I'm Chancellor Autopsy.
But you can call me 'Poppy.' <3 "
She didn't seem all that thrilled about addressing me that way-- Er... Younno, she didn't seem all that
thrilled about anything at all! Bwah? C'mon, I told ya I'm royalty!! ...
Anyway, to stick a bow on this big bad present, I'm here to tell y'all that Juice and I are
teaming up. That's right, made a little extra space in my castle and now, you can expect that
we'll be working together on the same profile. She'll be submitting her own things and I mine, together...
THE WORLD WILL FALL UNDER OUR SEXY RULE!!
Iodavin's Perspective;
“No. There’s nothing to report.”
“-- What? … No, that rumor is a tumor, because it hit a dead end.”
“... I’m sorry, I had no clue your brother had a tumor.”
“Yeah-huh. … Uhh… Yes… Okay, but what about--”
“--Hello? ...Hello?”
My heart jumped in that moment.
When the connection goes dead like that, that means someone is near, and most likely in hearing distance…(Or is it listening distance?) But going over the conversation on my end? There was no way this third party person would've known what I was talking about.
Let’s amp the mystery up some more, and say nothing to the stranger approaching. I could tell how far they were by the echos of their footsteps, and the crinkle of a plastic bag. I didn't look their direction.
What kind of an idiot walks down a creepy tunnel in the dead of night? … Hobos... murders… Dogs… other animals… cats… Okay. Stop. You had me at hobos.
(You? Who am I referring to..?)
To my surprise, this person… this… man, tried to stick something in my mouth. Ew, I realize now how perverse that sounded, but by SOMETHING, I mean SOMETHING -- I really didn't know what it was. When I smacked whatever he tried to stick in my mouth on the ground, I noticed it was a poptart.
(What kind of person…?)
And no longer had that poptart been on the ground, the man quickly joined. Crying. Not just crying, sobbing. Not just sobbing, making a river. Not just making a river, putting this tunnel back into use.
I panicked by walking away. Calmly.
♡
I needed some more cake to satisfy my needs and wants.
One of those personal cakes. For one person; I could make it last for about a good three days before I go through withdraws again.
Cake in hand, I was regretting this trip. On the way back to my cruddy apartment, was the tunnel. That very same tunnel in which I met that strange stranger. There was this feeling that he would be there. Why? My epic foreshadowing skills.
And to my not-so-surprise, there was a figure under the street light. He was… bending over, and hauling something to the side. You know how ridiculous it would be if it was that guy, and he was burying the poptart I smacked out of his hand?
Ahha, hah, … haa.. ah, sigh.
Why in the hell not. I walked over, rehearsing in my mind what I would say if he were to say something to me. But then I realized how little time I had to do such a thing, so I figured I would be a creep and stand silently behind this fellow.
During the time of walking over though, I pieced together that this man was digging a grave. For, the poptart.
‘--!! Hey! I knew you’d come back! No-good-doers always return to the scene of the crime!! WHAT BRINGS YOU HERE, HARLOT?’ [/b]He shouted in my direction.
What is this guy’s purpose in life. Never the less, even if it was a poptart, I felt bad for making him upset.
WhatamIsaying? It’sjustafuckingpoptart?
Surrounding the dirt mound were patches of grass, and from one of those patches, I plucked a blade, and handed to him.
This act of condolence settled him down.
He took the blade of grass and rested it on the dirt mound for his dead homie. I took this time to look over his features inconspicuously; Black goggles that voided his eyes. A black mask like he was some sort of superhero and/or villain… He was tall (taller than me anyway) and lanky.
Enough of this criminal profiling.
Aside from him pouring… milk on the ground, we stood there. In the silence of night. Together. Mourning.
♡
It’s me again. With another diary entry; Your favorite thing to do with your day.
It’s been a few days now since the poptart funeral with that strange assailant. I have to admit that I was kind of worrisome about going outside, in fear of seeing that guy again. No matter how many times I peered out my windows, I saw no sign of a masked figure.
This gave me enough courage to go out into the world once more and get things done. By things, I mean get more cake. But upon my travels, something spontaneous happened. Yep, you guessed it; it was him.
I don’t even know what in the hell happened, but I ended up… collared. I was speechless, and my eyes began to follow the chain of my new collar, over to this man’s wrist. What is this? Deathnote?
He started talking, and all I caught onto was him trying to rename me, followed by a hug.
”Just ‘Juice’ is fine.” Wait. Why did I ...say that?
Saying something like THAT only implies that I accept his invitation to kidnap me. I guess deep down inside, I WANTED to be kidnapped to have something different in my life. This was like the whole ordeal with Hades and Persephone. Did this guy feel a certain love for me, and it was so uncontrollable that he had to steal me away into his chariot and keep me in his version of the underworld?
Then it hit me…
“If ‘Juice’ is your last name, then what in the heck is your first?”
his response? ‘OH, you wish to inquire further on your new daddy? D’awe~ Well I’m Chancellor Autopsy. But you can call me ‘Poppy’ <3’
Even with the heart.
”I’ll just call you Autopsy in the presence of myself.”
I was really calm and collected about all of this. But what did I have to lose? All I had at home was a Beta fish. Lucky enough, I had majority of my things with me, consisting of my computer; computer charger; phone; and phone charger, since I was going to go a Starbucks or something do some drawing there once I picked up my cake.
WHAA, my cake…--
To wrap all of this up, I’m living this strange man. Arting with him and other some such. We’re a team now. We’re combined, and sharing both of our art on the same profile. I’m moving in with him, so I’ll be submitting most of my already posted artwork onto his profile, and submitting my future artwork there as well. But don’t worry, I’m not completely abandoning my Iodavin profile; I’ll still post some artwork there as well.
As for future commissions, I’ll still be talking those as well. All day everyday. And as a given, my commission prices have changed, so be on the lookout for that, folks! Another thing on those commissions; me and Autopsy will also be talking combined commissions. Guides will be up super soon!
Chancellor Autopsy and Chancellorette Juice.
Category Artwork (Digital) / Human
Species Human
Size 1280 x 638px
File Size 107.5 kB
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