It's been a bit more than a month since my mom survived a cancer surgery. What a relief it was for all of us who prayed or her! What a joy it was that she woke up alive after those horrible hours of hope! But now tells me she didn't want to...
I've been to another city, studying and couldn't come to see her before the operation. More than that I've been living in extremely stressful circumstances and I phoned her telling how I miss her and how bad I feel. You know, daughter telling her mom about life asking for an advice or just wants to feel a relief talking to someone who loves you. She was so empathic by phone then!..
Now it's gone. She started yelling at me yesterday because of something really stupid. Today it was about the wardrobe in my room that I wanted to take away for five years. I started to tell her that if that's my room then how does she know if that huge this is needed if she simply doesn't use it ever. She suddenly became angry and blamed me in that though there really wasn't anything rude or abusive said. I feel terrible because I came back home when she was already operated and I knew with my heart she's been waiting for me. I felt wanted! Nothing left from that loving look I received by arrival a month ago. She says those horrible things that hurt my dad who cries when we don't see because he loves her s much he would do anything to make her feel better. She says she'd better not wake up...so she wouldn't be a baggage for dad! And now it's me who makes her feel bad. I'm afraid that's only a start.
It hurts...