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I've decided after a bit of thought to post one of my more emotional pieces, one of the few pieces of poetry i've ever written. I don't normally write it, as i don't like doing it, but this was written in...2001? When i was a little down.
Tell me what you guys think of it.
On a side note the names noted are my old penname (mel ursidae), as well as referring to a very old, and lost friend of mine from around that time.
Sometimes © Sanura Mosi
Tell me what you guys think of it.
On a side note the names noted are my old penname (mel ursidae), as well as referring to a very old, and lost friend of mine from around that time.
Sometimes © Sanura Mosi
Category Poetry / Miscellaneous
Species Unspecified / Any
Size 50 x 50px
File Size 3.9 kB
SO you used to be a bear? ;_; Why did you defect?
Seriously though-- great poem. Hard to read from the lack of linebreaks-- I wonder if that's a result of how it was saved or something. Might consider reuploading it-- it's worth reading.
A few of the lines are perhaps overwrought. Following = outlawed / listening = forbidden ... did you mean a contrast here? I'm not sure I get it.
Many of those expressions nail it, however. Including:
"strength has a bottom."
"touches and looks mean more than chocolates and roses."
Hell yes.
"love is so simple you can't understand it."
If you didn't lift that from someone, you ought to write a whole poem with that at it's center.
... When I was a kid I always used to rewrite book endings. I have the same urge in awful bad-taste to write responsive poems to other people's poems, nowadays, e.g., "Never and eventually."
It's not nice being at odds with memory, at any rate.
Good poem. It reminds me of a whole class of works that do what I think of as "enumeration," e.g., Pink Floyd's Eclipse.
Seriously though-- great poem. Hard to read from the lack of linebreaks-- I wonder if that's a result of how it was saved or something. Might consider reuploading it-- it's worth reading.
A few of the lines are perhaps overwrought. Following = outlawed / listening = forbidden ... did you mean a contrast here? I'm not sure I get it.
Many of those expressions nail it, however. Including:
"strength has a bottom."
"touches and looks mean more than chocolates and roses."
Hell yes.
"love is so simple you can't understand it."
If you didn't lift that from someone, you ought to write a whole poem with that at it's center.
... When I was a kid I always used to rewrite book endings. I have the same urge in awful bad-taste to write responsive poems to other people's poems, nowadays, e.g., "Never and eventually."
It's not nice being at odds with memory, at any rate.
Good poem. It reminds me of a whole class of works that do what I think of as "enumeration," e.g., Pink Floyd's Eclipse.
*laughs* actually that last name is one from a fantasy setting said Ceres had- it was the last name of Zynthia Ursidae which was a prominent fantasy character of mine at the time, and sister to Ceres Ursidae, i just used the last name in my pen name- along with a nickname of mine- Mel. the ursidae came from HIS love of bears
this was written wayyyyy before my talents now, and i've never been very fond of poems, so whatever devices i appear to have used are prolly accident. I was merely venting. XD
And yes! all of those lines that say mel under it are solely my own. "Love is so simple you can't understand it" is purely my own. I'm very proud of that line and i still use it as a signature in my email account. Its still very potent for me, but o.o i HATE doing poetry, so i'd prolly never bother making a poem around it. But thanks!
*giggles* you are more than welcome to write a response to this. >^.^< as you can see its sort of a tradition. Just make sure you link me!
this was written wayyyyy before my talents now, and i've never been very fond of poems, so whatever devices i appear to have used are prolly accident. I was merely venting. XD
And yes! all of those lines that say mel under it are solely my own. "Love is so simple you can't understand it" is purely my own. I'm very proud of that line and i still use it as a signature in my email account. Its still very potent for me, but o.o i HATE doing poetry, so i'd prolly never bother making a poem around it. But thanks!
*giggles* you are more than welcome to write a response to this. >^.^< as you can see its sort of a tradition. Just make sure you link me!
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