Good story. Keep writing, you get better with practise.

Thanks :D I will, if i ever get inspiration again :)

Ho, boy. Okay. Ooookaaay.... This isn't how a regular story looks like. This is one third RP chat history, one third poetic stream-of-consciousness, and one third play script. You're jumping from first person POV to third all too often. English grammar doesn't recognize use of asterisks for denoting action. And so on... You might need to do some editing to make it a coherent text in a story form.

First times you do something are always hard... I know, I was there myself. Next time you catch your muse, make sure you know the rules of the craft. Knowing how the rules work allows you to safely break them. (It rarely works the other way around.)

Mm... well jumping from one person to another is cause different parts of the story have the focus on different characters. So, when the focus was on Inari, she was in the first person. As for the stars, I didn't know how to mark something like that since it was my first time writing something like this. And besides, this story was meant to be a comic. So that is why i have all that stuff in some places. Cause sometimes i explained the background to the artist sometimes i explained their facial expressions, and so on.

This was not at all meant to be a regular story. I just wanted to share it with the others so they can read it, since i dont know will the comic ever come out :D Any opinion on the story itself? I did know that it isn't perfectly written by the rules of the book writing :)