Edited the specific critiques. If by "netspeak" you mean some of the spelling errors, any spelling "mistakes" in the dialogue are on purpose. They represent a specific pronunciation, like how Hagrid is written in Harry Potter. Zeph being human also makes the "species" thing kind of awkward. Just picked up a novel by Jonathon Kellerman to double-check, and generally he just uses he/she pronouns. Using species rather than names is more of a furry thing than a proper writing thing. A look at a couple pages of one of the later Harry Potter books shows I use names about equally as often as Rowling, especially since the interactions would cause confusion if I were to simply use "he" for both characters. Actually, on that topic, I've seen all caps used in plenty of books to represent yelling, or other loud noises. That seems to be a style choice. It's maybe not Stephen King level of writing, but it's not necessarily wrong to do.

Kuro acts older than he is because Kuro acts like that. Age is much more fluid with babyfurs. If we were sticking strictly to regular age things, a child that can speak is well past using a bottle and usually a paci. I don't know any babyfurs that actually act like the age they say they are. I can't even count the number of times I've been flamed for telling a babyfur that a six month old baby would be really boring to RP because they can only do about as much as a doll. As for the movie thing, that's from being around Snaps. If you pay attention, Snaps is a movie guy. Stuff like that tends to rub off on kids. Even if he wasn't, the line he recognizes is from Matilda. That's not exactly a movie a child would never have seen. If this story were set in the real world, I'd agree that Kuro doesn't act his age, but we need to suspend our disbelief a bit for babyfurs.

That last part was a joke, hence the smiley.

Anyway, thanks for the tips.

I'm not in the US. Not sure what rules of style I'm not following. :P

I was just pointing out that caps lock can be used to show yelling. I don't like using exclamation points because exclamation points don't necessarily mean yelling. They could just represent excitedness. Just saying "he yelled" doesn't make me yell it in my head, either. I used published novels just to say that it's style preference, and neither way is absolutely correct or absolutely incorrect. Not only can it be written that way, but it is written that way in some of the best-selling books of our time. I think you're taking a slightly too prescriptivist approach. I find it odd that I'm the one saying this, since I'm one of the most prescriptivist grammar snobs I know. Adhering 100% strictly to the rules might look "right" to you, but it also seems overly formal, especially in a playful story like this.

For the age thing, Kuro isn't my character. I wrote him based on how Kuro is when he's little. It may break your suspension of disbelief, but so should a grown man running around in a bat costume to fight crime. Sometimes fiction is unrealistic. In this case, it's not really my place to change someone else's character to be more "realistic".

If you reread the story, I use plenty of names other than "Kuro" for the cat. It's just the human character that I didn't really say it for, because specifying someone is human looks awkward.

Could you try to reply to my comments to keep it in a chain? Making a fresh thread of comments kind of makes the page look sloppy.

It's funny, because the only other person that commented to me about the writing said the opposite to you. He said that he found my writing to employ a perfect level of detail. Not so much that it was a slog to read (e.g., Tolkien), but not so little that they had to make it all up on their own. Seems to be a preference.

I like when I'm given the basics, like colour, general shape, and the rest is left up to my imagination. Some people like the Tolkien style of describing every single nook and cranny of a room, but that's not really what I was going for. This is meant to be a light read, so I aimed to make it simple. Your criticisms all seem to centre around it not looking like a professional novel, but it's not meant to be. It's supposed to be more at the level of teen fiction. I think you need to adjust your lens a bit. The art equivalent would be telling someone that their toony drawings don't have proper proportions.

Nice story I liked it so I'm going to watch you :3

Thanks

No problem it's a good story it want to see more and maybe some art of the kitten and you :3

This is probably just going to be a one-off, and won't be getting art any time soon.

Well wears the fun in that it sound like your bored and just being alittle lazy

Last I checked, I don't have an obligation to make stories. I'm not getting paid or anything. As for the art, I don't have the money, and if I did, I have bills and stuff to pay.

Well I hope you do some art or a story

Hehe, I couldn't draw to save my life.

Lol what ever you say buddy

You're a good writer,  zephypup Keep up the good work! 😃😃