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Feedback and critiques are wholly welcome.
-Sini
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NIGHTMARE
Blackness is all he saw; the pitch blackness of a moonless and starless night, stretching out for miles in all directions. The Kitorian failed to remember how he got here, apart from the hurtling fall which slammed him against the ground with an ear splitting crack. With a deep sigh, he pulled himself up off the ground, dusted off his pants and his tail, and gazed around the infinite plane. He stood tall at exactly six foot; a black and dark gray wolf with eyes as gold as the setting sun, wearing nothing but a pair of black pants and a silver ring on each ring finger. “Well, here I am again…” He muttered whilst scratching his head. “How long has it been, two years?” He continued, turning his gaze up towards the sky from which he fell. The portal was closed; there was no way out now. The wolf cursed under his breath and began his trek through the empty abyss.
It was a nightmare that pulled him in here; a recurring nightmare that he had since his adolescence. It always started out well like every good dream; a serene and beautiful world where anything is possible. But just in the blink of an eye everything begins to change, shifting from serenity to absolute chaos. The world he dreams of violently rips and tears itself asunder, leaving nothing behind but an endless void with him as its sole inhabitant. The dream that turned to a nightmare becomes a twisted reality with no escape. He never understood why the plane targets and subjects him to this lonely hell, nor could he imagine how to break out of its relentless grip.
The wolf came to a sudden halt about thirteen meters from where he landed and sighed. Is it even worth the effort? He began to question. No matter how far I walk, I will never find an exit. He let out a groan as his gazed turned toward the sky again. “I might as well wait it out.” He concluded, sitting down on the cool black floor, cross-legged. It will only be a matter of time before the sun dawns and the void will release him from his prison. Just like it always had in the past. He felt something poke at his leg from the insides of his left pants pocket, prompting the Kitorian to reach in, pull it out, and look it over. There in the palm of his hand laid a small black keychain with a picture attached. As he turned the frame around to see the image, his heart skipped a beat. The photo portrayed a beautiful Kitorian fox with gold and white fur, standing in front of a fountain, dressed in red, black, and white. She had long brown hair flowing inches below her shoulders and eyes as green as emeralds. And there beside her stood the wolf with his arms around her and his head resting on her shoulder. “Lara…” He whispered, his voice stuttering as he said her name.
Pulling the picture close to his chest, the wolf sprawled out on the ground and stared up at the sky. I need to get back to her. He thought as he began to formulate ideas on how to escape the void before daybreak. Waiting was not an option for him now. Something had happened in reality and whatever it was it somehow brought him back into the nightmare. Think damn it, think! His mind raced around again searching for an answer. “God damn it!” He yelled as he slammed his fist against the cold floor with a resound crack, leaving an indent on the smooth surface. “How the fuck did I even end up back here?!” He cried out, hearing his voice echo off into the distance. It was only until the echo disappeared that he began to hear a peculiar popping sound. Confused, the wolf tilted his head left and right, glancing around the abyss for the cause of the noise until his vision rested on his hand. Tiny blue sparks formed and rose from the indented floor, snapping just inches above his balled up fist. His gold eyes shot wide open again. It can’t be…can it? The wolf sat back up and examined his arm, watching the sparks continuously dance and snap in the air, like firecrackers on a midsummer night. The pattern began to quicken as he prepared to snap his fingers and just as he did, a single luminous blue flame formed, hovering inches above his palm.
“I’ll be damned!” He exclaimed, jumping up to his feet. “It actually works!” He laughed and started waving his arm around left and right in rapid succession, watching the flame trailing behind trying to keep up with him. I wonder if the rift works. He thought as he turned around and focused on an area just ahead of him. In just a blink of an eye, a sudden flash of blue and amethyst light appeared, lasting only a few seconds before vanishing again. A perplexed look formed on the wolf’s face. Did it work? He began to walk over to the spot to see what happened. As he did, the light from the blue flame illuminated a dark swirling vortex, about his size, hovering three inches above the ground. Without hesitating, the Kitorian jumped feet first into the rift and teleported to another area just meters away from where he stood. A light smile tugged at the corner of his mouth. There was no mistaking it, his abilities had indeed returned.
With a nod the wolf closed the gateway and began to walk back toward the blue flame, which he left anchored to the spot where he was. He felt relieved that his powers were restored, but he couldn’t help but think that something was wrong. To his knowledge the void always nulled out any elemental ability no matter what it is. So, why isn’t that the case this time? Maybe the loophole was always there and I never noticed it. He thought to himself as he continued his trek back. The thought kept egging him, jumping around his mind setting off red flags one at a time.
“No, something doesn’t bode well…” He muttered as he glanced around the silent abyss. The wolf began to sense something unusual in the air around him, as if someone or something was watching him from the darkness of the void. It made him uncomfortable enough to stop dead in his tracks, pull the flame over to him, and keep it by his side. Just as soon it reached him though; a sudden rattling noise filled the air, making the Kitorian jump. That is not normal! He thought, putting up a defensive stance in case something jumped out at him. The noise persisted for minutes upon minutes, coming from all direction, threatening to break his sanity. A bead of sweat dripped from his brow down in his fur. He was becoming anxious. Whatever is making that noise was somewhere close. Too close for comfort…He tightly clenched his jaw, sweeping his eyes left and right. Despite what he had to use, he was completely defenseless. The darkness of the void is too corrupted to fully manipulate. The rattling noise kept getting louder and closer as he waited; he was running out of time. Even if he ran, he wouldn’t know whether he was close to the thing or not. Either way he was screwed, or at least he imagined that.
Just as the noise reached its apex, another sound resonated throughout the flatland, piercing the wolf’s senses like a lance driving straight through the flesh and meat of its target. The Kitorian immediately clamped his hands over his ears and began to stagger. “Make it stop!” He screamed as shut his eyelids tight. At that moment, everything fell silent; the rattling, the repeating tone, the sound of his own screaming. Everything became eerily quiet. The wolf slowly began to open his eyes and let his hands off his ears. His head still throbbed from the splitting pain. Jesus Christ…He mouthed, attempting to regain his composure. Just as soon as he did, the infinite landscape suddenly inverted, changing from pitch black to snow white, nearly blinding the wolf. A voice then spoke out, startling the already surprised Kitorian.
“Who are you?” It asked. The wolf started feeling uneasy again. His eyes, squinted as they were, began to dart back and forth, trying to determine where the voice originated. Again, it called out to him, “Who are you?”
Hesitantly the wolf replied, “Creig….Creig Garsett.” He squinted and glanced around the endless light room. “This isn’t the void…is it?” He then asked, but was met by silence. The wolf waited a moment for a response, before asking again. This time he was met with a crystalline sound as if someone was sliding their finger on the wet edge of a wine glass. The Kitorian raised an eyebrow. Okay… He thought as he bit his lower lip. What the hell is going on? His answer then came to him as the room suddenly started to quake, throwing him to the ground. Then the landscape began to morph, creating an entire new region. Buildings formed across a field of green as swift as wildfire while the clear white sky faded to dark gray as snow began to fall. The wolf stumbled and almost fell over as ebony street lamps and city roads ripped through the ground like tree sprouts vamped with simic mutagens. Creig’s eyes widened in fear – fear that he hadn’t felt in a long time. What the hell is this place?! His mind screamed at him. His tail was curled between his legs as his heart pounded like a jackhammer. “What the fuck is going on?!” he screamed, his voice drowned out by the creaking and rumbling sounds of the terraforming landscape and structures. When it finally subsided, Creig just sat there in a daze, questioning whether or not he was still living and breathing.
Moments pass by as Creig sat on the cold snowy ground, trying to comprehend what had just happened. When he had finally given up on his attempts, the wolf slowly rose to his feet and began his trek down the city street. The sight of the buildings and structures unnerved him. Where the hell am I? He kept asking himself as he continued down the central road, glancing left and right down the abandoned alleyways and streets. The piercing silence bothered him, making him think that someone or something was watching him from somewhere, waiting for the right time to strike.
The wolf sneezed. “Jesus Christ, it’s cold. He said, his spine tingling from the snow that fell over the city, coating the wolf’s black fur. I need to find shelter. He thought, turning his gaze to his left down West Willows Avenue, noticing a building with all of its lights on. I’m probably going against my better judgment… Creig thought, changing his direction toward the structure. He knew something was up with that building. It was the only structure with its lights on and presumably the only one unlocked and accessible unlike the other structures in the city. It didn’t bode well with him.
The wind began to pick up as he approached the structure, the cold air nipping at his face. Well, what a fine fucking time to be out in the cold. He thought, wrapping his arms around his chest as he approached the structure’s entrance. Reaching the door, the wolf turned the doorknob and turned it multiple times. Locked. The wolf cursed under his breath and looked up just in time to see all the lights turn off in a quick flash. “Fuck!” Creig cursed and ducked down out of sight from the windows. In the midst of it all, the Kitorian could have sworn he saw a black cloaked figure inside the first room stare at him, with dark red eyes and a creepy gleaming smile as its only discernable facial features. Creig’s heart pounded like crazy. What the hell?! The wolf thought, peering into the room and searching for any signs of the demonic entity, but finding nothing. He let out a sigh in relief and fully stood up, trying to open the door again. Fuck… He seethed and began to force his way in, eventually breaking the door right off its hinges.
“Well, shit.” Creig said in a mix of annoyance and slight dismay as he watched the door crash to the carpeted flooring. Stepping inside, the wolf began to develop a strange feeling, as if he had been here before but couldn’t place it. He shook the thought off, snapping his fingers, and forming the Eternal Flame in his left hand, lighting up the hallway in blue ethereal light. On the left wall hung a painting of the complex, dated 1272, catching the wolf’s eye. “Rashford Hotel.?” He read off, trying to see if he could recognize anything from the name, but coming up with nothing but more questions. “Strange, this place seems familia-”
CLANG! The wolf jumped at the sound of a metal vase resonating from down the hall as it fell to the floor. He perked up an eyebrow and cautiously made his way over to the vase, his bare feet meshing into the carpet. This is going against my better judgment. He gulped as he cautiously made his way toward the end of the hall. As he approached the vase, a cold chill ran down his spine, making him turn toward the door but finding nothing. The Kitorian narrowed his eyes. I have a bad feeling about this… He clenched his jaw and turned back picking up the vase and placing it back on the counter before proceeding down the corridor.
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Category Story / All
Species Unspecified / Any
Size 120 x 90px
File Size 26.1 kB
You have some really good descriptions in here. I particularly liked the city rising out of the void part.
The only major thing that stuck out negatively, was the opening. It starts out strong with the visual descriptions but then Creig does... nothing about his situation. I could chalk it up to a sort of dream-apathy, but every other action he takes is firmly grounded in reality despite the setting, so his passive acceptance 1) doesn't quite mesh with the overall lucid narration and 2) isn't a very good hook.
After that, though, things get interesting quickly and stay so throughout. There's far more information and character present after that first hump to really capture the reader's attention. You definitely have a way with the sensory details.
The only major thing that stuck out negatively, was the opening. It starts out strong with the visual descriptions but then Creig does... nothing about his situation. I could chalk it up to a sort of dream-apathy, but every other action he takes is firmly grounded in reality despite the setting, so his passive acceptance 1) doesn't quite mesh with the overall lucid narration and 2) isn't a very good hook.
After that, though, things get interesting quickly and stay so throughout. There's far more information and character present after that first hump to really capture the reader's attention. You definitely have a way with the sensory details.
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