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This was just a random fun idea I came up with. I thought the "defect" (for lack of a better word) would be fun to play in a Pen/Paper RPG, the idea of being cursed to, well... You'll find out.
This story is kinda the counterpart to Afterlife, the one about Gorret. There is no relation to each other, nor are they even in the same universe. But I've been debating on which my next story would possibly be, and I'm stuck between these two. Whereas Afterlife tends to start out very serious and dramatic, Hollow Bodies is very light hearted, comical, and made to be fun... At first. It will eventually grow into a deeper story that has a much more serious tone to it, let alone message. Whereas Afterlife tends to be rather serious at first, and grows to be more playful.
Although there is something else I'd like to talk about in this story, I feel it might spoil too much. So, I suppose the main question for you is, would you rather see the next Act of Hollow Bodies? Or would you rather me continue Afterlife once again?
Hollow Bodies is a song by Blessthefall. If you've read Zhaiothe's story, it's been referenced in there before (I love the album THAT much.)
Surface Tension is a track from the indie game: Risk Of Rain. Hard as hell at first, but the soundtrack is very good. Performed and created by Chris Christodoulou, I really suggest you take a listen to it on youtube. It's very tame, and suitable for just about anyone.
This story is kinda the counterpart to Afterlife, the one about Gorret. There is no relation to each other, nor are they even in the same universe. But I've been debating on which my next story would possibly be, and I'm stuck between these two. Whereas Afterlife tends to start out very serious and dramatic, Hollow Bodies is very light hearted, comical, and made to be fun... At first. It will eventually grow into a deeper story that has a much more serious tone to it, let alone message. Whereas Afterlife tends to be rather serious at first, and grows to be more playful.
Although there is something else I'd like to talk about in this story, I feel it might spoil too much. So, I suppose the main question for you is, would you rather see the next Act of Hollow Bodies? Or would you rather me continue Afterlife once again?
Hollow Bodies is a song by Blessthefall. If you've read Zhaiothe's story, it's been referenced in there before (I love the album THAT much.)
Surface Tension is a track from the indie game: Risk Of Rain. Hard as hell at first, but the soundtrack is very good. Performed and created by Chris Christodoulou, I really suggest you take a listen to it on youtube. It's very tame, and suitable for just about anyone.
Category Story / Fantasy
Species Canine (Other)
Size 120 x 80px
File Size 93.9 kB
Listed in Folders
I have to say this is a very interesting and fun story to read! It was great to read some comments from an older character from your series again. And it is always nice to read again some thoughts/views about some usual and unusual topics. I have to compliment you again on the character development which you did again very well!
As an answer on your main question: I think both stories are great.. I think I like afterlife for its more darker theme, and this one for another has also a lot of potential.. I think I let the choice by yours, or by other readers.. I am happy with both, so choose what you think what is more interesting to write!
The soundtrack is very enjoyable to hear for a long time over and over again..; and the Hollow bodies song adds something a bit more to the serious side of the story. Thanks for recommending those tracks!
I cannot come up with something else to comment about... feel free to ask some other though if I forgot something important.
Thanks for sharing this story!
As an answer on your main question: I think both stories are great.. I think I like afterlife for its more darker theme, and this one for another has also a lot of potential.. I think I let the choice by yours, or by other readers.. I am happy with both, so choose what you think what is more interesting to write!
The soundtrack is very enjoyable to hear for a long time over and over again..; and the Hollow bodies song adds something a bit more to the serious side of the story. Thanks for recommending those tracks!
I cannot come up with something else to comment about... feel free to ask some other though if I forgot something important.
Thanks for sharing this story!
Thank you again Silent for commenting, and so quickly at that.
Comedy itself is actually a much harder subject to do than just about any other one, I find. Mostly because everybody has their own tastes when it comes to something funny. I personally enjoy alot of Forth Wall Breaking at times, and alot of the classical things like Looney Toons, or Tom & Jerry. And although this series will not go that far, I like the idea of the curse Kassel was given. It makes it much more fun for the writer, but I'm not sure about a reader's point of view. I can see it being a bit confusing and messy.
"It was great to read some comments from an older character from your series again." Heh... About that. ^^; This might get a little confusing: but do you remember in the second Arc of Collapse My Dream, where October and Ryoko were walking down that old subway tunnel? Ryoko mentioned something about an Original Bartan (the quote being: "At first, it was to have a family. A place to actually belong in. It's what I always wanted when I was a cub. But after my encounter with the original Bartan, he gave me that.") This original Bartan was the one that came to Vertias (the main universe of Entropy's War). In order to find some of his lost comrades in other universes, while staying under the radar of The Counterforce (a type of law enforcement) Bartan had to split himself into two: One of them being much like the original, while the other one was a Counterweight. The Bartan seen in Zhaiothe's Tale is the Counterweight one (much farther along in the story past Entropy's War), while the Original stayed in Vertias after escorting his lost allies.
This where it gets a bit... Messy. I, myself, consider myself to be the original Bartan. I even call myself that (even in some of the submission comments where I... errm... "talk" to myself? Oi, this is a mess...) And after I, well... Die, I'll go to Vertias and proceed through the path that's laid before me. I suppose, in a nutshell, that I'm not the Bartan seen in Zhai's tale. But I'm suppose to become him. But as a writer, I'm, well, just the original. And that's who Kassel is hearing/talking to.
...Yep. Messy is the right word. (Good Lord...)
I'm really glad you enjoyed the music to it. A lot of people don't enjoy listening to the harsh vocals (there's even a few of them I don't even like), but I like the mix between the two (Harsh/Clean). If you enjoyed these ones, I might actually suggest you reading Rest Calm again, along with the music suggested. I've tried this experiment several times before, and well... None of them really worked, mostly because those people really didn't enjoy the stronger vocals and really didn't understand Tone that well. Perhaps you could give it another go?
As for that Question, I think I might end up sticking with Hollow Bodies for another Act. Because I know where it's going to end up and complete. Let alone most of what is going to happen. Best to do it while I remember the plans, but it'll be about a month (maybe) before I release it. Looking forward to what you have to say about it! And don't be afraid to say anything negative. Life is like photography; you use the negatives to develop.
Comedy itself is actually a much harder subject to do than just about any other one, I find. Mostly because everybody has their own tastes when it comes to something funny. I personally enjoy alot of Forth Wall Breaking at times, and alot of the classical things like Looney Toons, or Tom & Jerry. And although this series will not go that far, I like the idea of the curse Kassel was given. It makes it much more fun for the writer, but I'm not sure about a reader's point of view. I can see it being a bit confusing and messy.
"It was great to read some comments from an older character from your series again." Heh... About that. ^^; This might get a little confusing: but do you remember in the second Arc of Collapse My Dream, where October and Ryoko were walking down that old subway tunnel? Ryoko mentioned something about an Original Bartan (the quote being: "At first, it was to have a family. A place to actually belong in. It's what I always wanted when I was a cub. But after my encounter with the original Bartan, he gave me that.") This original Bartan was the one that came to Vertias (the main universe of Entropy's War). In order to find some of his lost comrades in other universes, while staying under the radar of The Counterforce (a type of law enforcement) Bartan had to split himself into two: One of them being much like the original, while the other one was a Counterweight. The Bartan seen in Zhaiothe's Tale is the Counterweight one (much farther along in the story past Entropy's War), while the Original stayed in Vertias after escorting his lost allies.
This where it gets a bit... Messy. I, myself, consider myself to be the original Bartan. I even call myself that (even in some of the submission comments where I... errm... "talk" to myself? Oi, this is a mess...) And after I, well... Die, I'll go to Vertias and proceed through the path that's laid before me. I suppose, in a nutshell, that I'm not the Bartan seen in Zhai's tale. But I'm suppose to become him. But as a writer, I'm, well, just the original. And that's who Kassel is hearing/talking to.
...Yep. Messy is the right word. (Good Lord...)
I'm really glad you enjoyed the music to it. A lot of people don't enjoy listening to the harsh vocals (there's even a few of them I don't even like), but I like the mix between the two (Harsh/Clean). If you enjoyed these ones, I might actually suggest you reading Rest Calm again, along with the music suggested. I've tried this experiment several times before, and well... None of them really worked, mostly because those people really didn't enjoy the stronger vocals and really didn't understand Tone that well. Perhaps you could give it another go?
As for that Question, I think I might end up sticking with Hollow Bodies for another Act. Because I know where it's going to end up and complete. Let alone most of what is going to happen. Best to do it while I remember the plans, but it'll be about a month (maybe) before I release it. Looking forward to what you have to say about it! And don't be afraid to say anything negative. Life is like photography; you use the negatives to develop.
Thanks for replying so quickly!
The comedy was quite well written, and I think you found a very suited kind of comedy for this story! And I personally do not experience the fourth-wall-breaking-curse as reader, confusing.
You made it yourself quite complicated to explain all those details to me as a simple reader ;P ; I try to understand most of it but your making it me pretty hard ;) . It makes kind of sense there are two Bartans, which also makes things a bit more difficult to understand (at least to me). I do not think I got all of that info you just gave, but I always really appreciate the amount of effort you put in your detailed explanations!
I will read Rest Calm again with the suggested music. Some of the more 'harsh' songs are not entirely my kind of thing, but I can appreciate some of them. But it will be over a while - I am going to take a break for a week somewhere else. So this will be my last comment for now :P
Good you could answer your question; and that sounds good to me. Most of the time I do not really see any flaws in your story, so it is hard to be negative. But when I find something that irks me I will mention it!
The comedy was quite well written, and I think you found a very suited kind of comedy for this story! And I personally do not experience the fourth-wall-breaking-curse as reader, confusing.
You made it yourself quite complicated to explain all those details to me as a simple reader ;P ; I try to understand most of it but your making it me pretty hard ;) . It makes kind of sense there are two Bartans, which also makes things a bit more difficult to understand (at least to me). I do not think I got all of that info you just gave, but I always really appreciate the amount of effort you put in your detailed explanations!
I will read Rest Calm again with the suggested music. Some of the more 'harsh' songs are not entirely my kind of thing, but I can appreciate some of them. But it will be over a while - I am going to take a break for a week somewhere else. So this will be my last comment for now :P
Good you could answer your question; and that sounds good to me. Most of the time I do not really see any flaws in your story, so it is hard to be negative. But when I find something that irks me I will mention it!
Sorry for the long, long, long, long reply. I needed a break from writing and I went to play some Vindictus for a bit again. Got caught up in that for about three weeks and finally got that out of my system. (maybe a little burnt out)
Yeah, I think it was too complicated of an answer. Sorry about that. I suppose to keep it simple: is that there is two Bartans, one past and one future. And I'm basically the past one.
Rest Calm doesn't have too much of the Harsh vocals. I think the worst might be Five Finger Death Punch - The Bleeding, but you can always try the Acoustic version instead. Everything else should be fine. Sometimes Bring Me The Horizon can rougher, but I don't think the ones I used were too bad (Sleepwalking maybe).
Alright, I'm going to get back to working on part two of this. Hopefully I can get it out in a week or so. Sorry for the delay, and I hope you enjoyed your break!
Yeah, I think it was too complicated of an answer. Sorry about that. I suppose to keep it simple: is that there is two Bartans, one past and one future. And I'm basically the past one.
Rest Calm doesn't have too much of the Harsh vocals. I think the worst might be Five Finger Death Punch - The Bleeding, but you can always try the Acoustic version instead. Everything else should be fine. Sometimes Bring Me The Horizon can rougher, but I don't think the ones I used were too bad (Sleepwalking maybe).
Alright, I'm going to get back to working on part two of this. Hopefully I can get it out in a week or so. Sorry for the delay, and I hope you enjoyed your break!
I can understand you needed a break from writing, sometimes you just a need a break from something, just because.
And do not worry about the too complicated answer; it is nice your putting a lot of effort in those details!
I am now busy writing a reply for Rest Calm, in short: I enjoyed the added music experience a lot! The rougher music was not too rough to my taste, so it was all really enjoyable to hear some different music then I normally listen to!
Don't feel obliged to create stories in a short time-span because of a reader ;P I you want to use more time, I can understand that. And haha, yes I enjoyed my break. It was quite relaxing and staying in another environment then I am used to is always nice.
Take your time, for everything and good luck!
-Silent Moonlight Dragon
And do not worry about the too complicated answer; it is nice your putting a lot of effort in those details!
I am now busy writing a reply for Rest Calm, in short: I enjoyed the added music experience a lot! The rougher music was not too rough to my taste, so it was all really enjoyable to hear some different music then I normally listen to!
Don't feel obliged to create stories in a short time-span because of a reader ;P I you want to use more time, I can understand that. And haha, yes I enjoyed my break. It was quite relaxing and staying in another environment then I am used to is always nice.
Take your time, for everything and good luck!
-Silent Moonlight Dragon
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