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Story / Baby fur
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bowserkidOriginal here.
Open for feedback and critiques!
Nuka joined the pride 2 months ago and he never liked talking to anyone.He just didn't like anyone and deep down they made hin feel awkward and sorta scared and the only lion who tried to talk to him was kovu.Of course nuka never wants to talk to him but kovu never gives up and always tries to make him happy but it never works.Other lions always asked him “why are you helping someone who doesn't what to be helped” and he would always say were family or he deserves to be happy.Kovu always tried many things huging him,giving him food that is his favorite,or just hanging around but Nuka would just said go away and leave but today kovu made sure to not leave until he finds a way to help him.
So Nuka was on his way to his small cave until he heard an all to familiar hi from kovu who was behind him but then blocked his path “Hi Nuka are you feeling today”Kovu said cheerfully which made Nuka roll his eyes “what do you think now go away”he said bitterly and walked away but kovu kept blocking his block “can you just leave”he said angrily still trying to get past him “not until you tell me whats wrong”the bulker lion said pinning Nuka to the ground.“Get of me termite”He said struggling to get up but kovu was stronger then him “Nuka I am not letting you go until you tell me what is wrong”.Then Nuka stopped struggling and glared at him and started to talk “maybe my problem is I lost a mother who never loved me,nobody every wanting to be my friend and everyone was always talking about you and how great you are and HOW I NEVER HAD A CUBHOOD BECAUSE I WAS NEVER TAKEN CARE OF AND ALWAYS GOT HIT AND YOU WONDER WHY I'M LIKE THIS”He shouted to which kovu let go and Nuka got up and left.After hearing that he realized why Nuka doesn't wanna change he doesn't know how to,he doesn't even know how to be happy.After thinking of that kovu started smiling “I think I know what to do to cheer him up” he said seeing nuka going into his cave to fall asleep.
later that night nuka was feeling hungry so he decided to find something to eat but when he tried to move it was harder it was like he forgot how to walk but can still move but it was limited and when he look around he could not believe what he saw.He was in his cave but he was in a crib with blocks, a bottle full of milk and a rattle and when he looked down he was in total shock when he saw a lime green diaper around his middle.This was so confusing to him he felt really embarrassed and really scared but at the same time alittle bit of want in the back of his mind was enjoying this but he was ignoring that part.“well is are little baby awake”A voice said who walked in that was none other then Kovu “Kovu what did you do to me”He tried to shout but whatever happen he could not yell “Well before you said you never had a happy cubhood so I decided to give you one by using rafiki's magic I was able to limit your actions and emotions to the strength of a cub and I did the rest”He explained and then he picked him up and then put him around his paws and lick him affectionately like a cub.“This is so stupid I don't need another cub hood kovu is just wasting his time I won't change”Nuka was thinking but stop when he heard his stomach growl “awww is my baby hungry I got something for you”Kovu said babyish and put him back in his crib and put the bottle in his mouth,
Normally Nuka would just take the bottle out but somewhere in his mind wouldn't let him so he started sucking on the bottle like a cub.He couldn't believe he was doing this he was enjoying this maybe he did what this...no it must be the magic...right?After he was done with the milk his stomach started to growl again and it started to hurt“Alright Kovu let me go I need to GO badly” “well why do you think you are wearing that diaper for”kovu said patting his lime green diaper for it to crinkle loudly which made Nuka blush.Nuka tried to hold it in he was not about to mess in front of kovu but the growling got louder and his stomach started to hurt more until he couldn't hold it anymore and he made a huge mess and heavily wet his diaper to were he filled it more then halfway.Then after he was done he felt the mess around him and something inside of him just snapped and he did something he never did before he started to cry loudly.
He couldn't believe it all the barrier's he made in his mind,the pride he thought he had was all disappearing in this moment of him crying.Then he started screaming things that was in his mind as a cub “I WANT MOMMY I WANT DADDY I WANNA BE LOVED I WANNA BE HAPPY”.The Crying soon slowed down when he felt a warm body around him and saw that it was kovu cuddling him and singing softly which then he stopped crying altogether and also for the first time he smiled “Now do you understand how much I care about you”kovu said said softly nuka simply giggled and said like a baby “yes daddy we should do this more” to which kovu nods and they stay in they warm embrace both very happy.
Category Story / Baby fur
Species Unspecified / Any
Size 120 x 81px
File Size 4.9 kB
This was an awesome little story. I can point out one thing that you could correct: starting a new paragraph after each new speaker.
For example instead of:
“well is are little baby awake”A voice said who walked in that was none other then Kovu “Kovu what did you do to me”He tried to shout but whatever happen he could not yell “Well before you said you never had a happy cubhood so I decided to give you one by using rafiki's magic I was able to limit your actions and emotions to the strength of a cub and I did the rest”He explained and then he picked him up and then put him around his paws and lick him affectionately like a cub.“This is so stupid I don't need another cub hood kovu is just wasting his time I won't change”Nuka was thinking but stop when he heard his stomach growl “awww is my baby hungry I got something for you”Kovu said babyish and put him back in his crib and put the bottle in his mouth,
Do this:
“well is are little baby awake”A voice said who walked in that was none other then Kovu
“Kovu what did you do to me” He tried to shout but whatever happen he could not yell
“Well before you said you never had a happy cubhood so I decided to give you one by using rafiki's magic. I was able to limit your actions and emotions to the strength of a cub and I did the rest” He explained and then he picked him up and then put him around his paws and lick him affectionately like a cub.
“This is so stupid I don't need another cub hood kovu is just wasting his time I won't change” Nuka was thinking but stop when he heard his stomach growl
“awww is my baby hungry I got something for you”Kovu said babyish and put him back in his crib and put the bottle in his mouth….
Other than that little thing, a quick reread would also help. You did very well with this little number and I give you a 9.5/10 Keep up the good work, sir. I'd also wecamend weading otha wightas and checking dere style as well. The more writers you read (whether book or online) the better you'll get. Keep up the good work! You're really good and I look forward seeing more of your work.
For example instead of:
“well is are little baby awake”A voice said who walked in that was none other then Kovu “Kovu what did you do to me”He tried to shout but whatever happen he could not yell “Well before you said you never had a happy cubhood so I decided to give you one by using rafiki's magic I was able to limit your actions and emotions to the strength of a cub and I did the rest”He explained and then he picked him up and then put him around his paws and lick him affectionately like a cub.“This is so stupid I don't need another cub hood kovu is just wasting his time I won't change”Nuka was thinking but stop when he heard his stomach growl “awww is my baby hungry I got something for you”Kovu said babyish and put him back in his crib and put the bottle in his mouth,
Do this:
“well is are little baby awake”A voice said who walked in that was none other then Kovu
“Kovu what did you do to me” He tried to shout but whatever happen he could not yell
“Well before you said you never had a happy cubhood so I decided to give you one by using rafiki's magic. I was able to limit your actions and emotions to the strength of a cub and I did the rest” He explained and then he picked him up and then put him around his paws and lick him affectionately like a cub.
“This is so stupid I don't need another cub hood kovu is just wasting his time I won't change” Nuka was thinking but stop when he heard his stomach growl
“awww is my baby hungry I got something for you”Kovu said babyish and put him back in his crib and put the bottle in his mouth….
Other than that little thing, a quick reread would also help. You did very well with this little number and I give you a 9.5/10 Keep up the good work, sir. I'd also wecamend weading otha wightas and checking dere style as well. The more writers you read (whether book or online) the better you'll get. Keep up the good work! You're really good and I look forward seeing more of your work.
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