i will not sit here and compare myself to others.
i will not sit here and say that my ability to create is on the same level as others


but i will sit here and tell you about a creator's curse.
it's not something we talk about, it's not something we sit down and say "today i want to talk to you about...."

but it's always there, it's ALWAYS in the back of our minds.


we are creators.
we define ourselves by what we create.
our creations are our children.
we watch them grow and flourish and take on a life of their own.
and while this happens we feel joy.
we laugh, smile, sing and feel happy.


but when it stops.
when our creations are done.
when we're sitting idle, not working on anything.........

it's like a slow creeping cold.
it seeps in like a spore or mold that slowly works it's way into our minds, our bodies, our very soul.
it nags at us, laughs at us, calls us names, makes us hurt in ways we never thought possible.
it known no restraint, nothing is off limits, anything goes.


we try to fight back.
we try to use logic and reason.
we try to do things we enjoy.
we try to stay happy; we really do try.

but it's like fighting a seemingly impossible battle.


it's like.......standing in a dark cold room, with a small candle in our hands.
while we keep working and creating the candle stays lit.
it's warm, soft, glowing light bathes us, makes us safe, it keeps us going.

but when we stop working the light dims, the world becomes cold as we desperately try to breath life back into the candle.

we try to keep the candle lit.
we blow on it and do our best to keep the smoldering ghosts of flame burning.

sometimes the flame comes back; it roars to life again and we once again feel warm and safe.
other times it brightened but never fully comes back on. still the light is enough.

but this is not the curse.
the curse is what happens when the candle goes out.


the curse happens to us when all light from the candle vanishes.
when we're left alone in the darkness.
when there is nothing to warm us or keep us safe.

that is when we suffer.
that is when we feel fear.
that is when we cry.
and that is when we are most truly alone.