This has got some good structure and flow to it, and it also mostly avoids the pitfalls that make 90% of all attempts at love poetry turn into steaming heaps of crap.

This one actually shows what a GOOD love poem can be, so huge props on that.

I tried my best to make it sincere. I was writing it for someone who will be getting married to their fiance on the same day as my birthday next year. I guess I was still reeling from the death of Robin Williams, and needed to write something meaningful...I'm too harsh on my own stuff sometimes. I guess I don't want to think I'm all that, you know? But I know I can be really good at this I'm just not the type to talk myself up in a serious way usually I poke fun at myself.

Ugh..tl;dr thank you..your compliments mean a whole lot to me.

The meter's off.

Yeah I know. I was pretty tired when I wrote it. There's always next time ^_^

I think I can tell why this is a little insincere. It was written for a stranger.

I'm not going to say you can't feel things for random people, but they'll always feel a little insincere. There's nothing wrong with charity though, it's just always going to feel a little distant unless you become friendly with the person.

That's my take on it. It's not like you can't get to know the person and write something that feels more sincere. It just feels distant to me right now.

It kinda is but then I get the same thing from most of Shakespeares sonnets. it's why I tend to stay away from writing direct love stuff unless it's for someone I know. You won't be seeing Zidmark cards any time soon. The main thing I learned from that is that I'm better when the poems were silly or about things anyone can relate to. Like the one about milkshakes, or crabs.

very nice^^

Dammit, I loathe to admit defeat, but your craft of weaving words is, enthralling, entrancing...

It's not a contest, Melody. :)

Oh, of course, my apologies..a poor choice of wording perhaps..I mean that I simply refrain from being drawn in by things.. but, such literature, I cannot resist.
It was rather a statement of admiration, than of contest, mon ami. :)

It's all good.

*smiles* Thanks.