"it's hard to breath again..."

This time of the year is especially hard for me, for those of you who don’t know what happened I suppose I should explain it since my psych is always incredibly low around august and sepember.
I was 10 years old, and it was labor day weekend, my mom had been letting me speak to my biological father for the past few weeks and they made him sound like the most incredible man to have walked the earth. When I found out I was going to finally meet him I was so excited I was finally going to meet the man who had helped bring life into me with my mother. He had told me he was a vet (I wanted to be a veterinarian myself at the time, which he knew, and it made him look 100 time better.) and that he had a house and all of these amazing things waiting for me when I got there. Friday night on labor day weekend my mother had woken me and my 3 sisters at the time, she had our bags packed and waited until my step-dad was asleep to haul us into the mini van and take us to St. Loius to meet up with my father. So far nothing was going like I had imagined, I felt like we were running and doing something against what we were suppose to do. He was nothing like I had imagined either, he looked, sounded, and acted like someone I would never respect in my entire life. He was tall, red, and had almost every other tooth missing. Most of everything else that happened was in a blur, all I remember is feeling unsafe and uncomfortable. I do remember finding all of his lies and feeling my life was in danger if I made the wrong move. He wasn’t a vet, all he did was clean up the dead chicks and feed livestock. I was 10 and I was already guarding myself from sexual assault from my own blood relaives. He even tried to keep us there make me move there with my mom and my sisters. We had to have police come and help us leave. As we were traveling back I noticed something different about my mom, she had a hickey planted on her neck in plain sight and it scared the hell out of me to think that the real reason she took me there was to get back into the pants of the man that she slept with on the night I was conceived, using my wanting to know who my father was as an excuse. I felt disgusted and use and betrayed. She still uses her excuses to hide her guilt of putting my sisters and me through that horror filled weekend and now I have flashbacks and anxiety attacks around this time every year, starting mid-august.