Hey I am finally able to post this here now! So... I will! A preview to my stand alone title, featuring my secondary fursona, Xen Aura Ghoa about the trials and tribulations being a Revaera and love and what they have in store for him...
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The Concept of a Heart
Preview

Xen wondered how Aerobolt managed to get Qiin so easily. It made no sense to him. Then he remembered. Aerobolt was the "Justice Savior" and was considered a major hero to all the Guardians. Not to mention he went out of his way to rescue poor Qiin from the Hellish Hydyraen. Xen sighed. If only he wasn't so ordinary. And maybe if he wasn't revaera like Aerobolt and Qiin were. It'd be so much easier. How many revaera even exist within the Guardians, anyway, he always wondered. And how would he know? How would THEY know if HE was revaera also? Why can't he know the tender and wonderful feeling love can bring? Xen knew that each day that passed while he was alone, his depression on the matter was only getting worse. And seeing Aerobolt and Qiin, and countless other pairs so happy together while he squandered around, all alone, made him feel many times worse. There were days he just wanted to run away and cry. Some days he did. Some days he fought back the tears when he saw loving foxes licking each other. He couldn't bear it. He couldn't stand the thought of Loneliness controlling his emotions any longer. But what would an ordinary fox like him do to change that? Xen felt powerless, completely as such, and that made things even worse for him. Every passing day... by the time Xen became of age to be a full Guardian, he was on the brink of collapse. There was only one thing he could do. If he was destined to live on his own his entire life, then he would have to make sure that he never sees anyone ever again. He decided. That he would run away from it all. To be alone forever in the harsh and unforgiving wilderness Nyethra has to offer.
"Hey Xen!" The voice caused Xen to shake his head to snap himself out of the trance. He craned his neck to look backwards and saw Cloud calling to him, waving. Xen blinked before he responded.
"What?!" he shouted back. He hardly cared about the tone in his voice.
Cloud kept his cheery tone in one piece to let Xen know that his own tone had no effect. "Fielra wants Storm and I to gather one more Guardian to go out for a mission! Do you want to be that one!?"
Xen scoffed under his breath. He knew that Storm and Cloud were mates. Revaera mates at that. And it was just one of the many couples flaunted right in front of him. They never notice or even care how hurt he is that they get love, while he does not. He remembered how Storm told him that he was so full of it when he said he wished they would stop. "You are making us feel like Dactylon dung every time you become depressed when someone expresses their feelings for another. Stop being so melodramatic and learn to live your life, 'kay?" Storm would say. Xen's sadness would then instantly turn into anger, and would retort. "Yeah? Well how does it make me and other single foxes feel when all you do is flaunt your compassion like everyone should know you are in love? Is it that big a deal that everyone must know?" He would retort that with choice words that'd get Storm's ears to flatten and shut up. Now Storm's mate is asking him to go out on a journey with them? A month or so of them flaunting love in front of his muzzle? Forget it!
"No thank you!" He called through gritted teeth.
"Huh!?" Cloud called back. Apparently Cloud was also somewhat deaf...
"No thank you!" Xen replied with unclenched teeth and a snarl.
He saw Cloud's ears flatten. Then Cloud's tone hardened. "Well fine! We'll see if Eira will join us then!" Then Xen heard him say something to Storm that he couldn't hear. Xen knew Cloud was noting his tone to Storm. He anticipated his mate to storm over to chew him out. Instead Storm threw his back at him with a glare. Xen glared back, completely unfazed. No way he was going to comply to those two pebble-brains.
"Now that wasn't very nice, Xen..." said a cool voice behind him. Xen groaned when he recognized it. Qiin.
"Yeah well. I am just SICK of those two taunting me the way they do..." Xen said frustrated. "And I am including you and Aerobolt on the matter too you know," he added with spice in his voice.
"I understand how you feel, Xen... I was that way too before I met Aerobolt, but even more afraid of the world. You'll find the right fox someday, you'll see. There are plenty of them out there waiting for you..." Qiin said, putting a handpaw on his shoulder.
"No there isn't. There is no one out there for me, I just know it," Xen replied bitterly.
Qiin gripped his shoulder tighter. "Sure there are! There are plenty of vixens out there who--"
"Vixens. Why did you have to say vixens...?" Xen whispered sadly. He had just remembered. He hadn't told Qiin he was revaera yet. Now he may as well have found out. He braced himself for the words. But they did not come. Qiin did not speak. "Q-Qiin...?" Xen looked up at him and saw Qiin's face turning pale.
"I-I see... Now I definitely know what you mean. Fret not, Xen. I promise to help you..." he said.
Xen scoffed again. "I don't need help... Like you said, I will apparently find someone eventually..." though he could feel the bitterness reverberating in his voice, telling him that he is wrong.
"Oh Xen... you need to know that love is not quite what you think it is... it is not easy, nor is it as blissful as you think... and it is different for revaera. And FINDING revaera is even harder," Qiin said somberly.
"But I... I want it. Why do I want it so badly...?" Xen said miserably.
"You're young. You are still an adolescent vulpine. These feelings are normal for foxes your age. Being adolescent, especially an adolescent revaera is extremely difficult. It was for me. It was even harder for Storm did you know?" Qiin said.
"I-it was...?" Xen asked.
"I remember how he used to vomit at the sight of me and Aerobolt flirting. The next thing you know he is BEGGING for someone to love him. He wanted it so bad, he didn't care if it came from a vixen or a reynard. Oh how fast cubs can grow, it is astounding..." Qiin trailed off into his own thoughts.
"S-so Storm is not revaera?" Xen said slowly.
Qiin shook his head. "No. He was deemed to be called "Ulma-aera" or "All-love". Meaning he was capable of showing love for anyone."
Xen nodded in understanding. Hearing about this "Ulma-aera" made him wish he were one too. Surely if he was, it'd be so much easier, right? But no... the way he was born just had to dictate who he loves. Oh how he hated who he was... But no matter how much he hated that he was born this way... he would do what it took to achieve the love he yearned to have for so long... and he didn't care how long it took, or what he would have to endure along the way.
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I have... NO IDEA when I will actually start writing this book... But now that I am actually able to do it now, hopefully it won't be TOO long before I do...