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Story / Fat Furs
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A gift for my friend 
noratcat, I write lots of gifts for him XD. Originally meant to be a short 5 page story but got a little carried away. Sorry if some of the description seems like it ended abruptly. Again, it was meant to be a short story.
Quick explanation of what's going on here: This is based on an alternate version of the Charlotte's Web universe, where AJ takes the place of Templeton the rat, Rarity takes the place of the goose, and Fluttershy takes the place of the sheep. Each pony is the same size as the respective animal they're filling in for (so AJ's as big as a rat, Rarity a goose, and Flutters a sheep).
Synopsis: A few months after the fair, Applejack makes good on Rainbow's promise to eat first from her trough. Rarity spots some barrels of fruit in the back of the barn and tells AJ. Gluttony ensues.
Don't know what a mini pony is? Check this out: https://derpicdn.net/img/view/2013/.....rge+belly.jpeg
Don't know who Templeton is or what Charlotte's Web is? Its a book, and there was an animated movie about it. Here's some of the best clips: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nAUEOlSpVN4 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8A0l-eBK9KE .
Charlotte's Web owned by E.B.White
MLP owned by Hasbro
noratcat, I write lots of gifts for him XD. Originally meant to be a short 5 page story but got a little carried away. Sorry if some of the description seems like it ended abruptly. Again, it was meant to be a short story. Quick explanation of what's going on here: This is based on an alternate version of the Charlotte's Web universe, where AJ takes the place of Templeton the rat, Rarity takes the place of the goose, and Fluttershy takes the place of the sheep. Each pony is the same size as the respective animal they're filling in for (so AJ's as big as a rat, Rarity a goose, and Flutters a sheep).
Synopsis: A few months after the fair, Applejack makes good on Rainbow's promise to eat first from her trough. Rarity spots some barrels of fruit in the back of the barn and tells AJ. Gluttony ensues.
Don't know what a mini pony is? Check this out: https://derpicdn.net/img/view/2013/.....rge+belly.jpeg
Don't know who Templeton is or what Charlotte's Web is? Its a book, and there was an animated movie about it. Here's some of the best clips: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nAUEOlSpVN4 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8A0l-eBK9KE .
Charlotte's Web owned by E.B.White
MLP owned by Hasbro
Category Story / Fat Furs
Species Unspecified / Any
Size 120 x 120px
File Size 21 kB
Well I usually like to give some feedback after reading fanfic, so hear I go.
I do think it could have been more descriptive although I understand about wanting to keep it a short story so that doesn't bother me. I think you should have made it clearer who was saying lines, in one of the dialogue sections it got confusing as to who was saying what. I think you could have been a bit more creative with your diction at points as well.
Now I'm not usually one to get into fat fur stuff; or fat pony stuff I should say, but I thought this was a great story.
I do think it could have been more descriptive although I understand about wanting to keep it a short story so that doesn't bother me. I think you should have made it clearer who was saying lines, in one of the dialogue sections it got confusing as to who was saying what. I think you could have been a bit more creative with your diction at points as well.
Now I'm not usually one to get into fat fur stuff; or fat pony stuff I should say, but I thought this was a great story.
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