I don't know how to say. It's not wrong with you translation. But it's look strange...

For me. You shell

"แม็ค ฉันมีอะไรบางอย่างจะบอกเธอ"
"ฉันฝันอยากจะได้ยินเธอบอกเหลือเกิน"
"เธอ..."
"อะไร ไวโอเล็ต? บอกฉันสิ"

Ehmm... ^^"

Please read this:http://th.wikipedia.org/wiki/%E0%B8....._schematic.png

Ouch SORRY! I didn't read carefully...
You draw it in japaness comic style.

I know what you want to mean. But when you translate to Thai. Your word make me strange somehow... Maybe your character are in romantic mood. But you use a common sentence , not a romantic sentence. Like "อย่างเงียะ". It's a speak language. You can use it with your friend, but you shell not use on your date in some romantic place like this. If you use "อย่างนี้". It's OK. Anyway. It's not wrong at all if you want to use "อย่างเงียะ".

Thai language are so hard... They a lot of word have the same meaning but different mood and level.

And I'm sorry again to bother you like this.

Oh no problem, bro, but thanks for your comments. Well, Thai isn't harder than German!!! Take me, German is harder than Thai language. But you've right. I am myselft a Thai-Boy and live in Germany with my family... and I can't not very good Thai to read and write, but speaking I can very good (60%, I can't speak Issan or something Thai-province ^^")

Sorry, that I can't writing in Thai, now... ^^"

No problem.