whats with the numbers 0123456789?

They indicate a change of viewpoint.

oh well you could have used something else like a dotted line. those numbers got me confused.

True and okay.

By the way, thanks for the Pikachu. She was delicious.

You're welcome. I'm glad you enjoyed her delicious flavor.

Okay...I will give some constructive critism.
1) To say it first, there was no need to take cheap shots at Josh. You're just provoking things and its very petty. Playing it off TDVI isn't a good move. Make it yours, not just a sequel to Josh. The very fact you are including it, and saying its happening the same time as it means that some characters are in both places at once. Which for some is impossible. It also makes it all the more a petty shot at Josh, expressing how you would be a better host and such then he would.
2) Indent the start of every paragraph. It is proper formatting.
3) Proofreading is a good idea, or have someone edit it for you. You have several spelling mistakes I caught in just the first page and a half. Sometimes waiting to post and giving yourself a chance to properly go over something again is better then leaving in so many errors that pull the reader out of the immersion.
4) Your teams are wrong in the description
5) Overall your continued use of present tense is very breaking of the immersion in my opinion. "Tells" just doesn't feel like a right word to me. Though this is just me and others may argue against it.

1. Hmmm, you're right.
2. Okay. I'll do that.
3. That would've been a good idea.
4. Oops.
5. Hmmm, you do have a point there.

Thanks for the constructive critiism Volsar. It was very helpful. ^_^

Your welcome. There is a lot of potential, and I hope through this contest you can improve your writing skills a lot.

Thanks and me too. I've finished correcting the mistakes too. How is it now?

I agree with Volsar with his second statement (the 1) one.).

I am excited to see the first contest.

Cute. But your formatting is rough on my eyes. @_@ Is there any way you can reduce the amount of spaces between lines?

Sadly, not without having no space between paragraphs at all.

Looks good so far. Can't wait to see more.

I would have read sooner but my internet was out for a couple of days.

Okay and I'm glad that you like it.

Good work. I am an Eevee again, which is a little saddening to me, but I guess I can deal.

You're cutest as an Eevee.

I know, but I'm also weaker. and taken advantage of a lot more.

Good point.

Yeah...

Yeah, the format's a little wonky, and the numbers are a bit distracting. I suggest you keep in one perspective, and try and keep consistant.

Also, island mansion in the middle of nowhere. Really?

If you want, I can help you with some of the formatting stuff, so it's easier to read like my series

Hmmm, I'd like that. Thanks. Also, where does it say anything about an island?

Hmm, must've read it wrong, but the mansion was still my idea first >w<

Anyways, Episode 2 is coming out very soon, so you should really study it and see how I write

I used a mansion for my Big Brother stories, but that was before I ever knew you.

I know I know it was more or less a joke (though I wish I kinda displayed it better as one) >w<

*hugs* alright.

Oh damn I almost forgot about this Maybe i should start watching you so I don't lose track >_<