what do you all think?

this is a sketch page I just done of the script page 1 for a Sonic Chronicles story

This is what i put for page 1 script
page01
screen: Eggman's forces are in disarray, his Death Egg destroyed and his Egg army all even captured or in hiding cause of their tires to Eggman.
as a fleet of GUN' air ships anre plains flying to the last place Eggman is hold up in, Metropolise, the city he made on the land what was once known as the kingdom of Acorn.


what do you all think?


here detail box's for this page.

panel 1
Eggman has just lose his most powerful weapon, the "Death Egg"
it lays half sunk in the sea close to land only 50 miles away from metropolise.

panel 2
Eggman's armys are in disaray as many have been beaten, captured or on the run.

panel 3
now "G,U,N," heading a full attack on Metropolise Eggman's main city which was once the kingdom for the Kingdom of Acorn long ago.

Title box: "Sonic Chronicles" "The Dark Brotherhood" part 1