If you need somone to talk to, I'm more than happy to hear ^^

Thank you <33

99? 85? Don't try to fight statistics, Red. :V

(in serious, i do hope you're able to find what keeps you going. wishing for the best.)

I'm 99 plus 85 percent somewhat certain that 50 percent of the time it works -every- time.

And ha. I usually do. Yesterday was just an off day. Some well needed rest got me back where I needed. Thanks for putting up with moodiness in mean time. <3

You just didn't get enough of your daily dose of Croc, that's all.


Hope you feel better or something. I'm not good at these nice things, but I try. Who can blame me? I'm just a Croc.

You're my favorite croc <33 Thanks.

Shut up. Shut up.
I don't wanna see that shit.
We did not struggle and live through all the bullshit life tried to cram down our throats and choke us to death with so we could later live on to regret it.
And you, you've climbed such higher mountains and fell from far more perilous heights than I ever did. I mean, JUST LOOK at what you wrote up there.

-Gone sober
-Started transition
-Come out of the closet
-Left druggie friends for a better life

Oh my god, if I was there, I would slap you so hard. And then hug the hell out of you.
You don't need me to tell you how fucking amazing you are for overcoming your addictions and for having the bravery to make a change towards what you want in life.
Some people never find the strength to break addiction and some never find the courage to chase their happiness.
But damn girl, you got fucking both. And so much more.

Keep your chin up, Red. Hormones? Don't I fucking know! 5'1 devilbitch She-Hulk over here when my hormones get out of control.
You need ice cream, cuddles, a good movie and some girl time.
And you need to remember people love you. Don't ever forget that part.
Seriously, you ever need to lean, I am short, but I am here.
Lean on me.

God, you're such a bitch, and I love you for that.

And please do. I could use a slap and a hug. I mean, of COURSE I don't wish that I could go back. At least--not REALLY TRULY. That'd be stupid. I just wish for -sense- of normalcy and convenience. Nothing more. It was -easy- sitting on my ass like I was. But this? This is hard. Trying to live HAPPIER takes work. And I'm being a lazy frumpy ass and getting pouty about it.

Yeah last night was a lesson. Hormone-mood-swings. They. Happen. I'm so used to being a dude-thing where everything was on the same level (anger and frustration) that I'm taking these momentary mood things to heart. WHEN I SHOULDN'T. Thanks for reminding me of that and telling me to shut the fuck up. And thanks for being a girlfriend I can lean on. You have but the slightest idea what that means to me.
Thank you.
So much.
<3

Anything for a friend.
You pick me up when I'm down, I pick you up when you're down.
It's beautiful.
♥

♥

Have you considered a career in motivational speech w/free slap service

My slaps are high quality. I charge for that service.
But friends get them for free. C:

You know, I think you've answered the problem yourself here. "I wish I'd never gone sober, started transition, come out of the closet, or left all of my druggie friends for a better life."

I don't think you should worry if you're just feeling down today. It may be tempting to think that once you fix all the problems, life's going to be sunny days all the time. It's not. Sometimes you will feel down again. But hey, take it a day at a time. From what it sounds like, you're just having an off day. Hormones can really mess with your head too. But eh, for what it's worth, you are a lot more happy in yourself now that you've accepted these things rather then back in the old days I knew you. But eh, don't take it from me, take it from yourself. As I said above, you seem to have answered that question in your sentence above. Keep at it, and know we're all here for you.

And yes, the drawing is improving!

You're right. Exactly right. I don't really want a shit life. I'd like for things to be EASIER and that's a laughable thing. Know what's easy? Just sitting on the curb doing nothing. Forever. FOREVER. I don't want that. And I sure as hell don't want to be doped out of my mind doing nothing all day.

Thanks for the words. I needed a reminder to cut my dumb shit out. I guess... I don't know. I NEEDED TO CONFESS OR SOMETHING. And then bam, lo' and behold, there's a few people here to let me know that HEY. Everyone feels like shit. HEY. Hormones happen and shit. Bitch be calm.

Thank you for your words. Regular nonsense should resume soon. <33

Eh, well I just read it and was immediately struck how you seemed to have known the answer there - you didn't say that not starting transition and so on would have been the better life. So I guess I'd like to think that as you put those words down, despite feeling bad, you realised that going back on transition, going back to drinking and drugs is not what will make you happy. And well, to me, that makes me feel like you should have hope, as even when you're feeling down, and regretting taking the hard option of sorting issues out rather than removing yourself from reality, you know you're on the right track - without other people telling you. You said it, and that's what counts.

Hey, we'd all like things to be easier, but all our lives are never easy. We all have our challenges that life presents to use that we must overcome, and we have our own demons to defeat. I say that, because I think you've succeeded in the latter. Life for you is better now because you've defeated the demons. You know you can beat them. All that remains in life now is not the hardships of your demons, but just the things that happen in life - those problems do not lie within yourself, but outside. So here's the thing. Yes, I hear you that you'd like things to be easier. The thing is, all the difficulty that shall come now is just life and it's strange ways, not your own problems. I hope that makes some sort of sense.

Oh, and please don't be doped out of your head doing nothing. I'd say that's a crime - you'd be wasting your mind. You're a good writer - and I don't hand that praise out willy nilly. You've got a good head, full of ideas, and the ability to convey them in a great prose style. So don't make me sad about you wasting your talent, because for what it counts, I can see you have that - talent.

Nothing wrong with confessing. I guess it's natural to come out the other side of your troubles, and have a nagging thought that things would have been easier if you didn't try to overcome the issues. Better to express these things so we can help and support you, rather than say nothing and bottle it up. Just look - people care, so don't lock us out, even if you may feel embarrassed about saying some of these things in hindsight. We all want you to be happy, and will do our best to help you reach that.

Man I really appreciate all the words. I just always tell myself, don't be one of those bitch angsty writer/artist things (she says, as she withdraws from everyone all angsty and bitchy). It's good to let things be out in the open. Ego gets in the way. You think, "MAN NO ONE WILL CARE" and well maybe that's the fear. That someone WILL care and repeat what you already know. Things will get better. They're not as bad as I make them. And no--it won't be EASY. But it'll be BETTER.

You're welcome! And exactly!

hey sista
if you ever need to txt someone in a panic feel free to txt me. i'll do my best to talk you down.

for sure man.
_{i guess i should get you number since ive lost it during phone switches for the upteenth time}

yeah, i should...email you mine. whats your new email?

reddesertshark at live dot com

*hugs*

<3

*hugs you* I hope you feel better / w \

I'm feeling much better today. Sleepy, but that just means I'll go to bed early. -w-

don't be sad, dear one! things will feel less sucky soon, I promise.

Aw thanks. <3