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More from drakefenwick
...woah... this isn't a boob joke. What the heck is it doing here?
-B!
-B!
Category All / All
Species Unspecified / Any
Size 477 x 1260px
File Size 154.4 kB
When I one day rule the world, I will employ lackeys to perform this very same service for me at any time of my choosing.
Also, this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=skVwJ4Bpk24
-SP
Also, this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=skVwJ4Bpk24
-SP
You might like this little gaming tale, as well, then....
When I first started DMing, I was 16 & had to take what players I could get. One of the players was a thief in both character AND RL... Books, dice, and more would 'disappear' whenever he was around. Yet I was a new DM, so I had to take what I could get, player-wise.
Finally, he crossed the line no player should ever cross. When he found out that the 'gold' he found on an orc was fool's gold, he started shouting out, "You can't do that to me! I'm a player, and you're the DM! Your ONE job is to sit there, shut up, and give us gold, treasures, and experience!"
Silence fell over the table as everyone stared in shock at the guy. I was, understandably, pissed. So, we all agreed to call it a night before tempers got more heated.
Over the next week, I called up the other players, and we all agreed that we were sick of this guy, his stealing, and his attitude. So, it fell to me, the DM, to kick him out. That's when I devised my plan to be the 'good DM' he so wanted.
Next game day, the other players arrived early, and I let them know that the thief's player was going to get killed more than likely, & then he'd be kicked out of the group. I also let them know that if they tipped him off or helped him, their own characters may share the same fate. The rest of the party chuckled and agreed that they just wanted to 'enjoy the show' of what was to come.
So the thief finally arrived, and the first words out of his mouth were, "So, are you going to be a good little DM today, BOY?" I assured him that I was with a crocodile smile, and started up the game for the night.
A few minutes into the game, they came to a clearing by a cliff, and the flavor text started pouring out. I described an open cave with treasure and gold pieces scattered out from the cave's opening - painting every picture of a dragon's home with the dragon absent from the scene. From the Thief comes the yell of, "MINE!" before he shouts out that his character is running towards the cave.
I shrug and make a few rolls, then nod to him. "That's fine. Unfortunently, your loud yell caused a small avalanche. When you enter the cave, rocks fall behind you, trapping you in the cave."
He glared at me before asking, "How soon before I can get out?"
"Oh, the rest of the party can dig you out in about an hour or so... Do you want to light a torch to see what's in the cave?" Thoughts of an hour alone with a dragon's horde going through his head, he smiled wide as he had his character light the torch. That is when I smiled and uttered what, to this day, is my favorite line I ever said as a DM: "As the torch light flickers awake, your eyes adjust to the light. Once they do, you realize that IF you survive this, you will be the most famous thief in all the realm..."
The smile fell from his face as he did a double-take. "Um, what do you mean 'if' I survive this...?"
I just smiled wider as I picked up my dice. "Well, you know how rumor has it that there is only one tarrasque per elemental plane of existance?" He nods slowly. "Well, you just found out that is a fallacy, as you inturrupted two as they were in the middle of mating. They don't look too happy, so roll for initiative..."
The best part, after he was mangled up, he asked if the party was going to rescue him. The party, laughing their asses off, told him that the characters heard his screams and ran for their lives. As for a revive spell, I politely told him that after he was eaten by the tarrasques, they finished their mating and teleported off to different planes of existence. I think, from my rolls, part of him was 'left' in the fire plane, and part in the water realm. But I don't thik anything would go near tarrasque dung to see if that is true...
Suffice to say, with his character killed in the most painful and un-revivable way, he was then kicked from the group to bother us no more.
The lesson from this, of course, is respect the DM. Bribing the DM with pizza doesn't hurt, either.
When I first started DMing, I was 16 & had to take what players I could get. One of the players was a thief in both character AND RL... Books, dice, and more would 'disappear' whenever he was around. Yet I was a new DM, so I had to take what I could get, player-wise.
Finally, he crossed the line no player should ever cross. When he found out that the 'gold' he found on an orc was fool's gold, he started shouting out, "You can't do that to me! I'm a player, and you're the DM! Your ONE job is to sit there, shut up, and give us gold, treasures, and experience!"
Silence fell over the table as everyone stared in shock at the guy. I was, understandably, pissed. So, we all agreed to call it a night before tempers got more heated.
Over the next week, I called up the other players, and we all agreed that we were sick of this guy, his stealing, and his attitude. So, it fell to me, the DM, to kick him out. That's when I devised my plan to be the 'good DM' he so wanted.
Next game day, the other players arrived early, and I let them know that the thief's player was going to get killed more than likely, & then he'd be kicked out of the group. I also let them know that if they tipped him off or helped him, their own characters may share the same fate. The rest of the party chuckled and agreed that they just wanted to 'enjoy the show' of what was to come.
So the thief finally arrived, and the first words out of his mouth were, "So, are you going to be a good little DM today, BOY?" I assured him that I was with a crocodile smile, and started up the game for the night.
A few minutes into the game, they came to a clearing by a cliff, and the flavor text started pouring out. I described an open cave with treasure and gold pieces scattered out from the cave's opening - painting every picture of a dragon's home with the dragon absent from the scene. From the Thief comes the yell of, "MINE!" before he shouts out that his character is running towards the cave.
I shrug and make a few rolls, then nod to him. "That's fine. Unfortunently, your loud yell caused a small avalanche. When you enter the cave, rocks fall behind you, trapping you in the cave."
He glared at me before asking, "How soon before I can get out?"
"Oh, the rest of the party can dig you out in about an hour or so... Do you want to light a torch to see what's in the cave?" Thoughts of an hour alone with a dragon's horde going through his head, he smiled wide as he had his character light the torch. That is when I smiled and uttered what, to this day, is my favorite line I ever said as a DM: "As the torch light flickers awake, your eyes adjust to the light. Once they do, you realize that IF you survive this, you will be the most famous thief in all the realm..."
The smile fell from his face as he did a double-take. "Um, what do you mean 'if' I survive this...?"
I just smiled wider as I picked up my dice. "Well, you know how rumor has it that there is only one tarrasque per elemental plane of existance?" He nods slowly. "Well, you just found out that is a fallacy, as you inturrupted two as they were in the middle of mating. They don't look too happy, so roll for initiative..."
The best part, after he was mangled up, he asked if the party was going to rescue him. The party, laughing their asses off, told him that the characters heard his screams and ran for their lives. As for a revive spell, I politely told him that after he was eaten by the tarrasques, they finished their mating and teleported off to different planes of existence. I think, from my rolls, part of him was 'left' in the fire plane, and part in the water realm. But I don't thik anything would go near tarrasque dung to see if that is true...
Suffice to say, with his character killed in the most painful and un-revivable way, he was then kicked from the group to bother us no more.
The lesson from this, of course, is respect the DM. Bribing the DM with pizza doesn't hurt, either.
That so totally and completely beats the time that I out-annoyed one player from a friend's T&F (Text and Files, an online take of Pen and Paper) into quitting. He was basicly the type that not only defeated and inspected the huge, hideous and already disgusting monster, he would quite literally spend 10 turns disecting it for any possibly useful goodies, of which there NEVER were any. Or do things like try searching *every* square inch of *every* room of *every* building/tavern/dungeon/kiosk for any hidden loot/passageways/secrets/etc.
That all came to a screeching halt the day I very calmly, with a polite smile on my virtual face, had to explain to him that the reason his character was dead was because a necromancer had been channeling a spell to draw down a giant meteor and wipe out the entire city he was in to create an unstoppable army of recent dead. Wasn't my fault he hadn't even gotten to an area where he could learn about it yet!
Then of course, the time that I had the one whose character slutted it up and tried to seduce her way to easy victory ended up in a town full of asexually reproducing monogendered folks. Her friend who didn't [pass] but instead "fell asleep" whenever her character didn't have anything to do wasn't particularly thrilled when the very civic-minded beings had her comitted to a hospital for examination for her narcolepsy.
I was the nicest asshole the game system's creator and main GM knew ^_^
That all came to a screeching halt the day I very calmly, with a polite smile on my virtual face, had to explain to him that the reason his character was dead was because a necromancer had been channeling a spell to draw down a giant meteor and wipe out the entire city he was in to create an unstoppable army of recent dead. Wasn't my fault he hadn't even gotten to an area where he could learn about it yet!
Then of course, the time that I had the one whose character slutted it up and tried to seduce her way to easy victory ended up in a town full of asexually reproducing monogendered folks. Her friend who didn't [pass] but instead "fell asleep" whenever her character didn't have anything to do wasn't particularly thrilled when the very civic-minded beings had her comitted to a hospital for examination for her narcolepsy.
I was the nicest asshole the game system's creator and main GM knew ^_^
Heh... There's always the fallback S*P answer to bad players, too! http://www.somethingpositive.net/sp05032002.shtml
That dragon sneezes and that bitch is toast!
You need to draw more dragons. Just from the nose that dragon looks to be badass. I like badass things, so make with the badass. I also dig the little crusader chick, and I do believe she's quite busty, just a little...little. Gotta give her props, though, tiny as she be, she still went at the giant fire breathing killing machine with no fear. Either very brave, or very stupid. Perhaps a mix of both. Courage and confidence can sometimes just be a substitute for ignorance and stupidity. Int and Wis are dump stats for some!
It is good, B.
-SP
p.s I seem to be on a bit of a bread fixation this week. also ghostbusters.
You need to draw more dragons. Just from the nose that dragon looks to be badass. I like badass things, so make with the badass. I also dig the little crusader chick, and I do believe she's quite busty, just a little...little. Gotta give her props, though, tiny as she be, she still went at the giant fire breathing killing machine with no fear. Either very brave, or very stupid. Perhaps a mix of both. Courage and confidence can sometimes just be a substitute for ignorance and stupidity. Int and Wis are dump stats for some!
It is good, B.
-SP
p.s I seem to be on a bit of a bread fixation this week. also ghostbusters.
Haha, great work. :D
I wonder if you´ve seen this old one, by F.Andersson?
http://www.elfwood.com/art/a/n/ande.....ogfur.jpg.html
I wonder if you´ve seen this old one, by F.Andersson?
http://www.elfwood.com/art/a/n/ande.....ogfur.jpg.html
The St. George's cross only has a single cross bar. The Patriarchal cross she's wearing was the symbol of the Archbishop of Jerusalem and was used that the military arms of the Knights Templar.
However, it appears I was mistaken that holy knights weren't allowed to use bladed weapons, so even if she was a Templar, she'd be allowed to use a sword.
However, it appears I was mistaken that holy knights weren't allowed to use bladed weapons, so even if she was a Templar, she'd be allowed to use a sword.
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