I made one of the hardest decisions of my life today, and asked our vet to put my beloved companion of nearly 15 years to sleep. She was suffering a lot of weakness and pain in her lumbar spine, and could no longer walk with the rest of us without slipping, collapsing and dragging her hind end. If she had been a less active animal, I might have kept her going a little bit longer, but Fen, as most wolfdogs, made a poor lay-around-the-house dog and was not at all happy to be left behind on the daily walk. I decided to end it while she still had some mobility, some fun in her life, and some dignity.

We spent this morning at the beach, not far from where I took her the week I got her, when she was a 6 week old puppy. It was her favorite place to be, right up to the end, and she even ran haltingly a few yards to the water when she saw it. Seeing her fall as she met the waves and then limp slowly back to me was the moment that dispelled my last doubts. But I suspect that I will have phantom doubts, that regret, for awhile yet.

When the time came, I bought her a hamburger and took her to the vet. It was completely painless, gentle, and very quick. She was content and tired from the day when he did it, already sleeping with her head in my lap. I don't think that she even noticed.

Fenris was loyal, intelligent, complex and beautiful. I loved her profoundly. I could not possibly have asked for a finer dog, and I am so grateful for the life that we shared.