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Doodle ^^

also i posted this on tumblr, i don't see why not posting it here ^^:

I’ve been doing alot of thinking the past week and a half or so as an artist and I’ve discovered some things for myself I had not previously noticed before, and it might sound silly as you read it but here goes. I remember as a toddler grabbing crayons and markers and deciding I wanted to draw something amazing. I sat there long and hard trying to get what I imagined from my mind onto the paper, but it turned out nothing like I imagined. I remember it kind of bothering me for a moment, and I stood there and decided, at that point, that drawing was ‘too difficult’ and ‘I can’t really draw.’

I didn’t draw since then until about 4th grade, where we were given an assignment to draw any fictional character we wanted. You could either free hand the drawing, or trace it. I chose to freehand draw Horton the Elephant and worked really hard on it. And with the amount of time and effort I had put into the drawing, I was pretty sure to myself that I had the best drawing in the class. In addition to it being done freehand, I really impressed myself and felt pretty good.

Other kids in the class room were showing and complimenting each others drawings and when I finally showed them mine, I get a ‘you didn’t draw that’ and ‘nuh you traced that.’ It was dissapointing, but the thing I did wrong was agree with them. I in a sense betrayed myself as an artist for the second time now, by just deciding that I wasn’t what I wanted to be, which was an artist.

I stopped drawing yet again until 12th grade, where I had an art class that discussed art history, etc. I did a few assignments and just completely and abruptly dropped out of highschool and didn’t even bother with my diploma.

I went to a few states and came back to Washington, wait half a year and turn 20. I don’t know what struck me at that time, but I decide for real to become an artist. And now I’m almost 24. The last 3 years were tough with the amount of study.

But what I realized was that those decisions about MYSELF at a young age were the most damaging of my life. Saying to myself ‘I am not’ and ‘I can’t’ wasted a good 16 years of my life. They’re simply not true and you really betray yourself by deciding that, no matter your skill level.

But in any case I don’t think I need to wait till New Years to make a resolution or decision. I’m making a choice to with my origional goal, and be part of the group of friends whom also stay true to their own goals too.