Everything you. I swear to god gimmi *pets screen*

Akjaskdfj thank you so much ;A;

Im sending her little mousy prayers ;A;

Aaah! Thank you!
She's up and down, but I'm doing everything I can so I'm hoping for the best ;v;

She's lucky to have such a lovely friend like you uwu
You seem to take amazing care of her and it warms my heart because mice are such underrated lovely creatures.
I really hope she pulls through!

take good care of that baby!

Thank you so much Poe! <3

Your welcome! it's always so heartbreaking when a fluffy (or other) friend gets sick D:

This is beautiful. And i hope everything goes well. I'm so sorry things have been rough.

Aksjdf thank you so much, Blitz <3
And its rough, but honestly I'm very lucky considering everything. I do want her to get better and I can't distract myself from the seriousness of the situation- but I know that she at least has a chance and I'm happy for that. Until the vet can see us, I'll just be doing everything I can!

That's all you really can do and I'm sure she appreciates it completely.

Yeah so like.


Don't ever apologize for needing to take time to ensure You are okay.

Be with her, focus on her. Anyone who gives you shit about your not working on their picture should take a long look at themselves.




This is still lovely, as well.

Seconding this; absolutely seconding this.

I'll keep you and Calhoun in my thoughts. :C

Thank you both so much! ;A;
I know, and everyone has been so amazingly patient. Part of me worries about posting negative/sad/whatever else stuff going on in my life because it might come across as excuses or whining- and I don't wanna shove my gloomystuff up in everyone elses faces!
But I also don't wanna leave people in the dark, so I took a risk and decided to post RL updates and I can't be more grateful than I am for everyone's support and understanding. It means the absolute world to me, especially right now when I'm fretting all over the place.

<333

Well, there's a line, I suppose, between genuinely dealing with some hardships, and overplaying things that you COULD reasonably push through. Given what you've said about Calhoun and how much you care for her and the others, I think this is very plainly a case of the former.

And, augh. I'm sure that waiting game is frustrating.
I remember reading she was on antibiotics? Those usually aren't harmful to most things to keep them going past two weeks (then again, I have never owned rats so I can only speak generally here).

Yes! She's on a 100mL prescription of Baytril/Doxycycline (with some added banana-nut flavoring syrup to make it less shitty for her to drink it)- which is what I've heard is the go-to for mice and rats with respiratory troubles. I took her in on the 16th and she was on a fourteen day round- and the doses need to be administered every 12 hours (so essentially- when I wake up, and before I go to bed). They are 1mL doses and they are given orally through the smallest syringe he could give me, which was the tuberculin syringe.
I've finally developed a knack with getting ahold of her in an old soft T-shirt, calming her, then introducing the syringe to her and letting her bite it instead of just shoving it in her face. To make it easier on her (because getting excited/agitated makes her breathe much harder, and I think that's what made her pass out yesterday, I think her little heart is weak from all of this.)
Her last day of taking the meds is today, but she keeps having huge gaps between good days and bad days. So she's alive, and active sometimes, but other times she looks so weak and looks like she's suffering terribly. Which to me, means that she needs more help.

I'm a bit frustrated, because the vet is excellent and therefore very busy- and now he can't see me until Friday at 3:40 in the afternoon. I might sound like I'm overreacting or pushy- but I'm going to call back tomorrow and at least try and get the receptionist to ask him if he'll get on the phone with me to answer one question. She responded positively to a water/glucose/sodium mix that I syringe fed her in order to get her rehydrated (along with gasping- she stopped eating and drinking, and her eyes started to tear up/bulge) and it worked miraculously. But now she's only nibbling some food on her own and I saw her drink at least once between yesterday and today, but I just worry about her.

I know when a person is sick they become lethargic and weak, and eventually can get to the point where they may need to eat or drink- but have no motivation or appetite. And I feel like, if I don't do something- what if she would die from my neglect?
So I'm hoping he'll take a moment to talk to me, and just tell me if I should keep giving her the antibiotic between now and Friday like I regularly have, or if I should only give it to her when she shows signs of her health declining, OR if giving her more than the original dose is a horrible mistake and should be absolutely avoided.
I know so little about this, so I really want her as comfortable as possible but I don't want to play the guessing game.
Just have to get my nerves up and get past my normal huge baby worries about feeling bad by being pushy and insistent with the vet.


And thank you! I try to not post too much about my personal life on here (and by that I mean awesome stuff that happens to me or awful stuff that happens to me- because talking about the awesome stuff sounds like I'm bragging and talking about the awful stuff sounds like fishing for attention or just giving out excuses. And I hate how commonplace it is of people online to just shovel out excuse after excuse, I know bad stuff happens and everyone has the right to talk about it if they wish- but sometimes I feel like-- does anyone really believe this stuff? Like, where's the proof?
And that's where I start to feel insecure about voicing my issues online. It's really no ones business or responsibility to listen, support me, or understand- and negativity is so contagious. I'd hate to infect other people with a pointless bad mood or whining.
So normally I avoid it, because I can compartmentalize my emotions between work and outside stuff- but when it's stuff like the welfare or health of my friends/family/pets, it just absolutely destroys me.
I can find moments of clarity or productivity- but overall, I'm just completely out of sync. Knocked off of the normal track that I live my life on- that annoying, endless optimism and inspiration and jokesjokesjokes.
It's like the worry just fills up my head and there's no room for anything else. Of course I can force myself to work- but it takes longer that way. And therefore I feel like it's only fair of me to give my watchers/commissioners a heads up about the possibility of workflow being slower.

Sorry you are going through fur baby pains :( Hope things get easier.

By the way, Hozier is AMAZING

Thank you so much! And she's a little fighter, so I have hope for her. And in the very least, even if the worst thing happens- I'll know that it only happened because her suffering was beyond help and I would rather be sad having lost her than force her to keep living under all the stress she's dealing with by being so sick.

(I say this, but I know I'm going to cry like a huge baby if anything like that happens. I just try to give myself good advice and then try to take it.)

AndAlsoHellYesTheyAre!

This is such a gorgeous piece, god.
I hope your little baby Calhoun turns out okay, I'll be keeping her in mind and wishing you the best. ♥

Thank you so much babe! ;A;
That means a lot, I can't express how hopeful your support (and everyone elses) make me feel through all of this <3

It's no problem at all, when my sickly guinea pig Sally finally passed away a few months ago, it really sucked. The loss of a pet is such a terrible ache, and such a great person like you doesn't deserve to go through stuff like that, but I am very hopeful and believe that Calhoun will be able to push through! We're all here for you. ♥

This is super gorgeous! I hope your mouse'll be okay!

Thank you so much! For both things ;v;

You don't have to worry at all about commissions at a time like this, baby needs you :( I hope things turn out for the better. It's not easy when one's four legged companions are sick.

I know, but I also know Calhoun is my pet and my responsibility- and my commissioners aren't responsible for her therefore I couldn't imagine people would be willing to be patient with my while I worked through my stress and anxiety while I tried to juggle taking care of her and working on art.

But everyone's really surprised me and sympathized more than I could have ever asked for! And I can't be thankful enough for that <3
Thank you so much also for your comment and support ;v;

I never have the time to comment your amazing pieces so I def apologize for all my "fav n run"'s.
But this one. Maaaan. This is gorgeous. You put so much emotion and feelings into your art and it really show how beautiful your talent is from the small details and effects. Your art also shows what kind of person you are. It's reflecting your strong personality. Overall, it's beyond words. Very beautiful piece.
If you ever consider selling your art as prints, I would def buy this one, no doubt about it. <3

/SCREAMS.

How dare you come up in here while I'm obviously emotionally unstable/a huge crybaby and say nice things are you trying to pull the coolrug out from under my feet or something? Because I can't keep my cool when you say things like that sdkfjsf
Thank you so much though, seriously. And if anything I'M guilty of not being active enough with your art. and I'll be damned but I just realized I wasn't watching you what the fusdfjsfj OKAY FIXED THAT. NOW I CAN BE MORE ACTIVE WITH YOUR ART even though I'm a huge nervous wreck and shy and weird.
But I think those things must be a prerequisite to be a part of the illuminaughty 'cause we all seem to suffer from goofness.

And woah! I considered prints but I didn't think anyone would want prints of my stuff. Like, didn't ever really consider that it was quality enough or that people would want art of the things I draw. Plus I don't know the first thing about how people MAKE prints like what is that, are you all wizards?

Am i dead.
Did i die.
I think im dead.
WHERE AM I.
Oh man now i have no words i was trying to leave you a nice comment and now i am turning into a puddle. I've melted.
I know your going through some things right now and i really feel you on them, i don't know you well but i don't want anyone feeling unstable, its hard to go through. I really hope things turn around and your back to being your fun and goofy self. At least thats how i see you through your art. Outgoing, friendly, giggly, and a dragon. Everyone calls you the dragon. A very pretty dragon. UvU
Oh man, you don't even know how happy i am being part of the illuminaughty or illuminutty right now thanks to Owl lol. You guys are just so fun and exciting to talk to, i'm so glad i was invited to the group i really care for everyone there and i can't wait for FWA to be the new goofball in the group. ;;___;;

DUDE. DUUUUUDE. DO IT. Your art is amaze i bet i can find 10... 100 pieces that can turn into prints. You have such amaze detail with your backgrounds and great color matching skills that would be the BEST for prints or any fun merchandise.
My WOULD DEF BUY LIST
(it would fit perfectly in certain rooms and would look amaze framed)
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/15335912/
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/14999747/
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/14676276/
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/14443580/
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/14851718/
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/14109469/
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/13873403/

YOU SHOULD VERY CONSIDER THESE
(part of a set, could sell 3 for a bargain price)
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/15197673/
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/15197548/
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/15197394/

MORE AWESOME
(eyes candy due to colors, shapes and ladies, of course.)
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/15231798/
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/15254867/
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/15180388/
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/14981976/
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/14709472/
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/13699409/
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/13597356/

I COULD LIST MORE but uh i didn't want to come off a huge CREEP. -creeping in your gall-
BUT UH CONSIDER IT BC YEE
Prints, Buttons, Shirts??? You sharing a bit of yourself in your artwork makes it personal and lets your viewers get to know you a little more and find connections towards you. It could be "hey i like that shirt" "i love that scent of candle" "KORRASAMI IS MY SHIP" or deeper "i feel the same way but never could express it but here it is, my feels all over my computer screen thanks to your art"

-and now im a loss of words and this comment is long so. ENJOY READING THIS HUHUHUHU.

WELL FRICKENFRACKENFLIPPINGFLAPPIN HELL.

I just..
YOU COME INTO MY HOUSE, MY HAUS-- And you wanna talk to ME about melting? I'm at least seventeen times more melted than you now! D:<
But seriously ho'my gosh, I am just floored. I mean, I know just about any artist is gonna be like 'lol my stuff is poop, I can't look at it without eventually hating it' but even if I don't feel that repulsed by my junk, I seriously just look at my work and think: Eh?
Like I could always have done better, even if it's my best. Or like I SHOULD have done better. And I feel like, if I see that- everyone else must see it too and feel the same way hsuldfhdf

I seriously can't tell you how much your comment has inspired me. It's the weirdest thing, how you can be so down and detached and just drifting by, nothing really motivating you or doing anything for you. Like being a ghost, and randomly- something you never expected, just happens to reach you. It gets through to you and you get all goofysmiles and poorly timed laughter and /squishesfaceinhands Ohhhh this is just, has seriously made my night.
I don't know if it's how you took your personal time to go through my art that I get to feeling like is terrible and PICKED OUT THINGS YOU THINK ARE WORTHY OF SOMETHING LIKE PRINTS
Or if it's your compliments to me
Or if it's the idea of meeting you at FWA which I am SO freaking stoked for like words just can't express how excited I am to see everyone again and meet all the new awesome people! (O-or just you because I have been MIA with the group since all this dumb sadstuff has been taking over my brain and I don't wanna assume you are the only new person coming or not or ksdjfds okay ignore me)

Or whatever else OR MAYBE IT'S A COMBINATION OF EVERYTHING BUT DAMN IT, Krispy Kreme donuts didn't even cheer me up today and your comment did. S-so take that as you will.

ThankyouThankyouThankyouThankyou<33

AndP.S. GET OUTTA HERE YOU AREN'T A CREEP AT ALL UNLESS THEY CHANGED AROUND THE DEFINITION OF CREEP AND 'HERO' BUT LAST I CHECKED THEY DIDN'T SO SHUSH.

ARE WE A COUPLE OF PUDDLES.
I THINK WE A COUPLE OF PUDDLES.
ksfkdjgslgjd;lsgds;g

NOPE NO ONE SEES THAT, its all in your head. I mean every artist feels that way, i seriously said that earlier about my art and Pram's like STAP. I don't believe him, he lies, too much pizza has gone to his head. We will never feel liek we're good enough or matter in the world but tbh you def matter to MEEE. I see you as an idol, i totally idolize you. I haven't deleted the message that says you watched me. ITS STILL UP. I CAN'T LOOK AWAY.
dsjkfkjdlsjf <- sounds out my mouth bc words aren't making sense now.
I'm so glad it pulled you out of that depression. I just speak the truth i really feel that way about your art and you in general. Thinking back when i was commenting i was on the train to work and was wondering, should i, can i, i have time. I never have time to leave comments and really thought out ones but this totally speaks to me in a way. Being chained up in an unstable environment, feeling that lost dark ditch with only terrible thoughts and sadness. Terrible words and names you keep hearing in your head but in the voice that's so familiar to you, your own. Anger, hatred, and not being yourself, becoming someone distance. ETC ETC. I felt that man, THE FEELS MAN.
GET IN THE CHAT GURL. I know they all miss your butt. Plus it gets me a chance to chat with you and such. UvU I think I'm the newest?? I don't know who was before me so hhh. BUT FWA AHHH I CANT WAIT. I am saving all the change ever. I've only been to GA ONCE for my cousins sweet 16 but now with this group being there i think its gonna be a thing of me visiting. AND KRISPY KREME. OH MY GOD. Only once have i had it and hhhhhhh. so good, we don't have that in NY. /tears

i hope everything goes ok today <3 sorry your holidays have been stressful and i hope things start going up from here. *offers hugs*

Thank you so much!
And it's honestly a mixed bag. I'm so very lucky and I have a lot to be thankful for- but I tend to not try and sit around talking about good things that happen to me or things I'm able to get because I feel braggish when I do that.
And I also try to not talk about sadstuff either because that junk is contagious! But when it's about one of my pets, it kind of takes over my mind and life for a while until it's resolved- so I decided to say something about it and everyone has been so very understanding ;A;

oh trust me i totally get it x.x my little shit babies are the same way for me. i dont like talking about personal stuff, good or bad, either. but if it's about one of my cats being sick i fall apart and am a mess until they are better. so it's totally ok and im hoping for the very best :3c!

This is very beautiful! I love your art, your style, and the emotion you put into your work.
And I just have to say I am sending all the love in the world for your little mousey. I used to have pet mice, lots of them on and off through the years before I had cats, and they were all so precious to me. Each had their own little personality. I cared for them like you, took them to the vet, gave them their medicines, I had mice that lived to be 3 years old. They are precious, not many people understand how unique they are and the strong personalities each one of them has. I am sending all the positive vibes your way!

Thank you so very much ;A;
For all of that! The compliments and the well wishes, it just really touches my heart (even though that sounds cliche and overused-it really does) that people are so sympathetic and kind and are willing to not just notice me and my stuff- but take the time to read the things I write AND THEN say such sweet things.

Seriously, just putting the biggest smile on my face and making me feel so much more hopeful for Calhoun's recovery. And you are so absolutely right about their personalities! I get so down sometimes, thinking about how other people see them as pests or dirty or expendable. I believe that every living thing deserves respect and love- but out of all the kinds of pets I've ever owned, mice are my favorites. They really do have their own little moods and personalities, and they are so intelligent and gentle. I haven't met many people who have owned mice- I've seen people doing art involving pet rats a lot, but never much about mice- and never people I've come into contact with. For a while, (and by for a while I mean literally right up until this moment reading your comment) I just felt this overwhelming sense of hopelessness about mice- wishing that there was some way I could take care of more than the ones I have. It sounds so silly but I get distressed seeing the ones in pet stores, almost convincing myself to buy them and take them home just so I would know they would have a good life.
But I know that's ridiculous, because I can't take all of that on- not without being totally counterproductive and them not getting the attention they deserve because I wouldn't have to time to actually socialize with them and handle them. (I handle the three I have right now at least 20 minutes each, each day)

Now that I've read your comment, you've unintentionally just relieved a ton of stress off of my mind. Knowing that there are people out there who treat their mice the way they should be treated makes me so happy. (And honestly that goes for every animal, but from what I've seen it seems that animals like mice and other rodents are unfortunately the most abused or mistreated- be it by accident or on purpose.)
Thank you again so much, and that's amazing about three years! I got mine on May 12th this year, and I am so no ready for any of them to pass. (I mean, who ever is? But out of all the pets I've owned, mice have the shortest lifespans and I have become totally hooked on these three. Every now and then I think about the inevitable, but then I get mad at myself for being negative and just endeavor to make right now count- because who knows, they might live longer than that little pet info sign at the PetSmart said they would!)
<3

I completely understand what you're saying! You don't meet many people who own pet mice. I meet a lot who own rats, but not as many who own mice. I just always took to the mouseys. I empathize with you so much in wanting to take care of all those mice you see in Petsmart and in other pet stores. That's part of how I ended up with some of mine, I'd walk into a store and see them overflowing with mice and I felt I just had to take one home to try to help out. At one point I had about 8 of them at a time, of all various age ranges, though quite a few of them were from a similar time period. You know what's insane is that the mouse that lived to be almost 3 years old was the one feeder mouse I ever owned. She was my first mouse, and after her I started owning fancy mice. But out of all those fancy mice that are supposedly bred to be "healthier" than feeder mice, she outlived them all! I had long haired fancy mice, short haired, all of various colors and patterns… and they all had such distinct personalities. I ended up turning most of them into characters to remember them all by. Because it is sad, but true, that mice are not long lived pets. But that doesn't mean the impact they leave on us is any less. I remember some people looking at me like I was insane when I told them I took my mouse to the vet. Once I had one of my old mice put down, because her life was horrible after she got a tumor and couldn't eat, I couldn't stand to see her suffer anymore. People again looked at me like I was crazy. You'll do this for your dog or cat, but not for a mouse? Why? What makes them inferior to other animals?

So you have all the mouse support here! I used to love handling my miceies too ; ; I'd take them out of their cage and put them on my shoulders and just go about my business. At times having like 6 mice on my shoulders I'm just like "what." My dogs loved my mice… but it was when I got my first cat that I realized I couldn't own them anymore. Oh how my kitty followed me around like I had the most delicious meal on my shoulders, staring at me and monitoring my every movement. I could shut my door and play with them for a bit, but even then I was getting busier with work and nursing school and didn't have the time to devote to them I wanted to have. So I don't have them anymore, but my heart still loves them and remembers each and every one of them!

Ok I just went on a huuuuuuge ramble there but I'm just like OMG you are the sweetest ever because you understand mousey loves, you love Yankee Candles, not to mention I see you love dragons, fluffy things, and can tell from your profile that you must love Game of Thrones and love your shows when you're into them.
GURL you are after my heart!!!! I gotta draw something for you sometime!

I'm so sorry she's not doing well but the good thing is she has such a wonderful mama to be there for her

Don't worry about how everyone else feels, you take all the time you need and focus on your baby


I hope she feels better and the vets help her <3

as for the art, goodness gracious this is beautiful and I can see the frustration and sadness pouring from this picture

not only seven is angry but she's chained up to show a sign of helplessness

-hugs- I'll wish for the best for your baby

this is so beautiful! the details are stunning! all the grey tones look so pretty!
I really hope Calhoun get's better! bless her