THE FAINT NOISE OF KICK-FLIPPING BARRELS THROUGH THE EMPTY CORRIDOR YOU ARE STANDING IN. QUICKLY, YOU TURN AROUND. THE LOUD, OBNOXIOUS SCRAPING SOUND SPEEDS TOWARDS YOU, FAST ENOUGH TO BREAK YOUR SPINE. YOU'VE BEEN KICK-FLIPPED INTO SMITHEREENS.

Name: Healer McCraken
Gender: Male
Personality: Dense, oblivious, loud, obnoxious, rude, selfish, narcissistic, kind of funny
Hobbies: Skateboarding, surfing, kicking down mailboxes and destroying property
Likes: Other idiots, punk rock music, excessive amounts of hairspray, fireworks, sirens, fitness
Dislikes: The countryside, Aristotle, People who have achieved a sense of self, non-memers