FA+
Shop
181
Views
Views
1
Favorites
Favorites
Category
Story / Human
Species Unspecified / Any
Size 50 x 50
File Size 25 kB
Report this content
More from yaoi_tard288
i finally got the guts to post this excerpt of this novel that i am writing! The novel i am writing is called BEWITCHED!! its about a gay high school student at a christian high school (like my situation!! lol) and he falls in love with this guy who ends up being gay himself but.... well i wont give the whole story away!! you will just have to wait until i post the first chapter!!
now keep in mind tht this is only a section of the first novel and it is still in editing!! please read and give me feedback!!
now keep in mind tht this is only a section of the first novel and it is still in editing!! please read and give me feedback!!
Category Story / Human
Species Unspecified / Any
Size 50 x 50px
File Size 25 kB
Hello :3 I am an English major and fellow novelist/fiction writer, and I would be happy to give you feedback on this.
I like your close psychic distance because it works well with the first person point of view. Just remember to keep it first person. So far you're doing a good job at that. If the voice of this novel is going to be a more colloquial way of writing, be sure to remember to keep it that way throughout the novel. This can be hard with such a long piece of work, and its one of the most important things, so make sure to keep that in mind. The imagery is great, tying nicely with the emotions of the scene, which are also put forward very well. The speaker/main character seems well thought out and three dimensional from what I could discern so far, so another kudos on that as well. Subject matter is wonderfully racy as well, and most readers should enjoy that. So far so good. Have fun writing and good luck to you :3
I like your close psychic distance because it works well with the first person point of view. Just remember to keep it first person. So far you're doing a good job at that. If the voice of this novel is going to be a more colloquial way of writing, be sure to remember to keep it that way throughout the novel. This can be hard with such a long piece of work, and its one of the most important things, so make sure to keep that in mind. The imagery is great, tying nicely with the emotions of the scene, which are also put forward very well. The speaker/main character seems well thought out and three dimensional from what I could discern so far, so another kudos on that as well. Subject matter is wonderfully racy as well, and most readers should enjoy that. So far so good. Have fun writing and good luck to you :3
omg thnk you sooo much for your feedback!! yea im trying really hard to keep it colloquial throughout and its difficult!! but i have been wanting to do this for a while so i am really excited about it!! the main character is actually based on me but slightly tweeked!! i try to put in how i would react in those situations and try to incorporate into the characters train of thought!! thnx for your support and i hope to hear from you when i post the whole first chapter!!
Comments