and I am pretty sure no one would care if I disappeared

If I were to save up some money, and go far away, and just wait things out
just disappear.

wouldn't that just be great for everyone?
I mean. I hurt everyone
I push people away
I 'harass' them

I'm too dumb and too stubborn to see reason
besides that I'm not pretty
i'm not attractive

I'm not welcome.
How great it was seeing a doctor yesterday.

I don't think it helps a whole lot when I keep the real issues to myself "I'm down and tend to shy away" sure doesn't sound serious
bet it would've if I'd told them about the suicidal thoughts.
of how I believe I should be dead
how sure I am that I am not allowed to live on the same earth or breathe the same air as everyone else.

When it comes down to it, I'm not, am I??
Not everybody says it, but everybody thinks it.

Or so I've been made to believe.
You know what?
You can call me stupid, you can call me ridicolous
you can call me a fucking bitch, an attention whore
call me whatever you want.

just keep in mind, that I won't respond to such comments.
if you hate me, then I guess that's just how it is.
I know someone you could become great friends with.
Since she wants me dead too.

She doesn't say it, but I know she wants me dead, after all, I was so horrible to her, right?
too horrible to reason with
too evil. too awful.
too mean.

but in the end that doesn't really matter.
What matters, is that I disappear.
And I better do it soon.

I better start working on that.
and figure out where I wanna go, when I decide to abandon everything
not answer anyone
perhaps get a new phone number

and not give the new number to anyone
not family, not friends.
They wouldn't miss me afterall. Would they?
I doubt it.

My parents have my brother and my sister.
The perfect kids.
I'm just a burden.




I wish I wasn't here.. I wish I was dead......
I wish I was gone....
I don't belong here...
I don't belong anywhere..



I never did.....