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More from Aqua-Frost
I really have no idea why I'm posting this. I haven't posted anything in ages, but tonight I finally had some time to draw, and this is what happened...
This year has been one of the craziest of my life. I'm taking three studio classes and am constantly working on homework and projects. I've made free time for myself, but at a very large cost- little sleep and unhealthy eating. The classes I'm taking are aimed toward my major, but each of them have a downside, and I'm not enjoying them as much as I'd like to be. I put off projects and then have to complete them in one night, and they turn out to be crap.
Basically I've been stress eating like crazy over the past several weeks, and I can see myself gaining weight. Every evening before I get in the shower I stare down at myself and can't help but think awful things. I'm embarrassed by the way I hang over my belt, so I usually try and wear baggy shirts to hide it.
My sister-in-law is about 4 months pregnant, and she's about as big as I am (probably not even). She was extremely fit before hand, so obviously she's going to show more eventually, but I can't help but think, 'Wow, I'm fat enough to look pregnant.'
I don't have time to work out, and have very little time or energy to eat healthy. I'm constantly working at my animation building, which is about a 10 minute drive from my dorm, so when I'm hungry I either have to starve, eat what I packed (which is usually a small lunch and a few snacks), eat crappy caf. food for an outrageous price, or take over an hour to go home, make myself something, and then force myself back to my hall.
I've been single for half a year now, and I'm not complaining, but I look at myself almost every morning and think, "Who would ever find me attractive enough? Especially to ask me out... let alone, marry me." All the men I've been interested in have completely shoved me off, most of them dating or engaged to the the tall, blonde and skinny girl that I've always wished I could be. I guess I don't blame them. It's just really started to get to me... I wonder if I'll ever find 'the one,' let alone if that person exists.
I think I have one of the lowest self esteems of the people here at SCAD, and I'm not just saying that to be 'recognized.' Everyone here says I have talent, and maybe I do, but it's so hard for me to see it... I'm constantly comparing my artwork to other people and putting myself down silently in my head. I think, "I know I can do better," and the temptation to try is definitely there, but the fear of failing is 10xs worse. I'm constantly looking down on my talent, knowing I'm not good enough for certain companies and whatnot. Who would ever want to higher me...?
This quarter has really gotten to me in several different ways. I'm in a mess with school life and other parts of my life. I have to stay longer at my school now because of scheduling conflicts, so money and time is a huge stress factor. I've had some of my closest friends abandon me for no reason, just dropping me and leaving me in the dust. I recently caught a very bad virus that knocked me out for an entire day, and all I did was sleep and drive to the doctor (just to be told to go home and sleep more). Had a fever for 2 days, and I've mostly kicked the virus, but it's left me exhausted and unmotivated...
I miss my mom and dad. I miss my house. I miss the snow. I miss the forest. I miss having a simple life. I miss being able to do personal projects. I miss being a decent size...
I just want to cry...
*will probably delete soon*
*sorry for the rant*
~AquaFrost*
This year has been one of the craziest of my life. I'm taking three studio classes and am constantly working on homework and projects. I've made free time for myself, but at a very large cost- little sleep and unhealthy eating. The classes I'm taking are aimed toward my major, but each of them have a downside, and I'm not enjoying them as much as I'd like to be. I put off projects and then have to complete them in one night, and they turn out to be crap.
Basically I've been stress eating like crazy over the past several weeks, and I can see myself gaining weight. Every evening before I get in the shower I stare down at myself and can't help but think awful things. I'm embarrassed by the way I hang over my belt, so I usually try and wear baggy shirts to hide it.
My sister-in-law is about 4 months pregnant, and she's about as big as I am (probably not even). She was extremely fit before hand, so obviously she's going to show more eventually, but I can't help but think, 'Wow, I'm fat enough to look pregnant.'
I don't have time to work out, and have very little time or energy to eat healthy. I'm constantly working at my animation building, which is about a 10 minute drive from my dorm, so when I'm hungry I either have to starve, eat what I packed (which is usually a small lunch and a few snacks), eat crappy caf. food for an outrageous price, or take over an hour to go home, make myself something, and then force myself back to my hall.
I've been single for half a year now, and I'm not complaining, but I look at myself almost every morning and think, "Who would ever find me attractive enough? Especially to ask me out... let alone, marry me." All the men I've been interested in have completely shoved me off, most of them dating or engaged to the the tall, blonde and skinny girl that I've always wished I could be. I guess I don't blame them. It's just really started to get to me... I wonder if I'll ever find 'the one,' let alone if that person exists.
I think I have one of the lowest self esteems of the people here at SCAD, and I'm not just saying that to be 'recognized.' Everyone here says I have talent, and maybe I do, but it's so hard for me to see it... I'm constantly comparing my artwork to other people and putting myself down silently in my head. I think, "I know I can do better," and the temptation to try is definitely there, but the fear of failing is 10xs worse. I'm constantly looking down on my talent, knowing I'm not good enough for certain companies and whatnot. Who would ever want to higher me...?
This quarter has really gotten to me in several different ways. I'm in a mess with school life and other parts of my life. I have to stay longer at my school now because of scheduling conflicts, so money and time is a huge stress factor. I've had some of my closest friends abandon me for no reason, just dropping me and leaving me in the dust. I recently caught a very bad virus that knocked me out for an entire day, and all I did was sleep and drive to the doctor (just to be told to go home and sleep more). Had a fever for 2 days, and I've mostly kicked the virus, but it's left me exhausted and unmotivated...
I miss my mom and dad. I miss my house. I miss the snow. I miss the forest. I miss having a simple life. I miss being able to do personal projects. I miss being a decent size...
I just want to cry...
*will probably delete soon*
*sorry for the rant*
~AquaFrost*
Category All / All
Species Wolf
Size 960 x 1280px
File Size 255.8 kB
Oh my gosh Aqua letmeloveyou *hugs* ;u;
I haven't known you long, but I've heard wonderful things about you before we met and you lived up to and surpassed all the good things people have told me about you. You're a bright, beautiful person full of energy and kindness with a lot to give. <3
We all get down on ourselves when we see ourselves in the mirror. The most important thing is to find small ways to be kind to ourselves, including self-talk. Getting those feelings out in any way is a positive first step <33
Take care of yourself and feel free to text me! We should grab some coffee or something sometimes... do something to get ourselves out of the house and get ourselves busy. xD;
I haven't known you long, but I've heard wonderful things about you before we met and you lived up to and surpassed all the good things people have told me about you. You're a bright, beautiful person full of energy and kindness with a lot to give. <3
We all get down on ourselves when we see ourselves in the mirror. The most important thing is to find small ways to be kind to ourselves, including self-talk. Getting those feelings out in any way is a positive first step <33
Take care of yourself and feel free to text me! We should grab some coffee or something sometimes... do something to get ourselves out of the house and get ourselves busy. xD;
I definitely get the self esteem issues. <3 I have them too every so often. So I know it doesn't really help for me to tell you that you ARE really cute, but I am doing so just in case. You have a cute face and very pretty eyes, that are only emphasized by your sweet and friendly personality. You are an amazing person, which someone will definitely notice and cherish you for- you being cute will only be a bonus! College is hard work so don't worry if love and dating take the back seat for a bit (I don't plan to date anyone else for a while! ;) )
...And I know this is a horrid thing to say, but if some of the married not attractive jerky girls from my high school found guys... then you definitely can!
You definitely aren't fat - a little muffin top never hurt anyone - and you shouldn't stop loving yourself for gaining a bit of weight. :) These things aren't permanent, and can go away with a little work if you desire, but don't let it get you down now. You have too much to worry about already - like your own happiness, staying on top of things, and getting those classes done!
Focus on what you can do, not what other people can do. You are in a school FULL of great students, so its natural to feel a bit dulled down. In a box full of diamonds, you may not feel unique and special, but each and everyone is still beautiful and valuable. Once you graduate, and aren't surrounded by so many talented people, I'm sure your passion will return. Until then, look at everything you CAN do, and keep adding things to that list.
Feel free to hit us up if you ever need a nice home cooked meal and an animated movie in the background as you work- not to mention puppy kisses.
We will be here all summer, so the offer stands from now past then.
...And I know this is a horrid thing to say, but if some of the married not attractive jerky girls from my high school found guys... then you definitely can!
You definitely aren't fat - a little muffin top never hurt anyone - and you shouldn't stop loving yourself for gaining a bit of weight. :) These things aren't permanent, and can go away with a little work if you desire, but don't let it get you down now. You have too much to worry about already - like your own happiness, staying on top of things, and getting those classes done!
Focus on what you can do, not what other people can do. You are in a school FULL of great students, so its natural to feel a bit dulled down. In a box full of diamonds, you may not feel unique and special, but each and everyone is still beautiful and valuable. Once you graduate, and aren't surrounded by so many talented people, I'm sure your passion will return. Until then, look at everything you CAN do, and keep adding things to that list.
Feel free to hit us up if you ever need a nice home cooked meal and an animated movie in the background as you work- not to mention puppy kisses.
We will be here all summer, so the offer stands from now past then.
Hey I've been feeling pretty similar about most of these things maybe in different ways but I also have self esteem issues, feeling unlovable, missing the exact same things, especially the forest and I just wanna let you know I'm here for you.
I made you a little something to try to cheer you up because I don't know you too well and I don't know what else to do for you
https://www.furaffinity.net/view/15787949/
I made you a little something to try to cheer you up because I don't know you too well and I don't know what else to do for you
https://www.furaffinity.net/view/15787949/
Life gives us ups and downs and presents us with opportunities to make decisions. I have been having to make those to feel better about myself the last couple months. Usually I just would self medicate by drinking or whatnot and try to not to feel but have had to learn to love me and treat myself nicely. It's hard but I have learned we can choose what to do. I will be here to hug you and if you wanna walk with me, I'm trying to get I to better shape :3 having someone along the way is nice. Just do what I do and tell that overwhelming brain the shut up and just breath and take it one day at a time. I'm here for ya:3
*We are ALL beautiful creatures that deserve Love and Nurture*
*We are ALL beautiful creatures that deserve Love and Nurture*
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