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This is the first chapter to a story I may or may not continue.
I kind of wanted to turn it into a comic, but those are far too much work for someone of my level of patience.
Despite the misleading title, this will be a story for clean audiences, though it may contain some dirty talk and swearing in the future. It will stay around PG-13.
On a late afternoon in June, an old, white mustang pulled into a parking spot outside an apartment complex. It was probably more accurate to call it brown, rather than white, due to all the rust, and it made unpleasant noises as it rattled to a stop and sighed as the passengers inside got out.
“Dude, please let me buy you a new car.”
“No, I'm telling you, I can take care of myself.”
“But you need one.”
“Dusty is fine. It just needs a wash.”
The pair headed to a door on the second floor of the complex marked “23,” and went inside. The first one in was an average-looking lean white tiger who stood about 5ʹ6ʺ. His fur was as white as snow, and the only splashes of color on his face were his pale pink nose and his deep green eyes. Behind him came his twin brother, a tan lion with big black gauges and jarring jet black hair, which he had dyed with a fade of bright neon blue to match his own eyes. He dwarfed his twin by over half a foot, at 6ʹ2ʺ, and it was quite easy to tell he was a long-time body-builder by his thick chest and bulgy arms sticking out the sides of his gray tank top.
“That thing's going to fall to pieces any minute,” the lion continued, “You've had it for - what - five years now? And it was old then.”
The tiger dropped his bag on the couch and walked over to the kitchen side of the room, starting to look through the cupboard for something to eat. “I'm saving up for a new one.”
“Why not just let me get you one, Red? You know I have the money for it.”
“I can do it myself. I don't want to have to owe you anything.”
“You won't owe me anything, it's a gift. An early birthday present.”
Red turned back to face him, “Our birthday isn’t for six more months, and whether you mean it as a gift or not, I would feel like I owe you. And knowing you, you’ll get something extremely expensive, and I will never ever be able to pay you back.”
The lion sighed and turned around, facing the window, which was flooding a warm summer light into the room, “Fine.”
Red went back to checking the cupboards, and they sat in silence for all of one second.
“How about this –.”
“Lex, let it go –.”
“Just hear me out, please.”
The tiger faced him again with an unamused expression.
“How about I buy myself a new car, and we go on a road trip. If you fall in love with it, I'll let you have it, and if not, I'll keep it myself.”
“That's just reckless spending on your part.”
“I'm filthy rich, I can afford a hundred new cars and still have money to buy a house.”
“You’re exaggerating.”
“Maybe I am, but it doesn’t matter. I was already thinking of trading in my Jeep, since I never use it, and if we get something you like, I won’t miss it.”
Red sighed and stared at the wall, still holding the cupboard door open.
“C'mon, I know you love road trips. We can go to Washington. We've never been there. We can bring some friends too, like Taco and that – uh, that lesbian girl you hang out with –.”
“Mel.”
“Yeah, her, or whoever else you want to take,” Lex looked almost pleading, “At the very least we’ll have fun, and if you still don’t want it, I won’t bug you about Dusty anymore,” he gestured out the window at the old mustang, which was easily visible among the other, fairly newer cars in the lot like an ugly, cavity-ridden tooth.
“I have work…”
“We won’t be gone much more than a week. A few days to get there, a day or two for the beach and stuff, and then we come back. The library’s flexible with things like that, aren’t they?”
Red nodded, “What about you?”
“I’m not scheduled to film anything until for a couple weeks anyway, I’m already on vacation.”
“And I suppose you’ll be paying for the whole trip?”
“Of course,” Lex winked, “At least the hotel rooms, gas, and food.”
The white tiger rubbed his face, “… Alright. When do we leave?”
Lex practically jumped, punching the air in front of his chest in victory, “That’s more like it!” He hopped over the counter and sat down at the table, “I can go get the car tomorrow morning, so we can leave as soon as everyone you want to come is ready.”
Red sucked in and breathed out slowly, “What kind of car will you get then?”
“Dunno, what kind do you want?”
“I don’t know cars as well as you, man.”
“What about a Corvette? You know those, don’t you?”
Red raised an eyebrow, “I’m not letting you get something that high end.”
“Come on, dude, you’ve already agreed to the trip, why not take something amazing?” Lex was grinning as he shook his head, “You’re so stubborn.”
Red huffed, “Fine! Get a dark blue, 2015 Stingray with temp-control seats and the best sound system cars have to offer, if you want to be picky.”
“Done,” the beefy lion smacked the table, “I’ll find a place now so I know where to get it tomorrow.”
“You’re such a whore,” Red sighed.
“You got that right.”
“I’m gonna feel like I owe you my life forever now.”
“You only owe me if you turn around and sell it,” Lex smirked with a raised eyebrow, “You have to keep it until one of you dies, whichever comes first.”
As Lex pulled out his phone to start Googling and making calls, Red sighed and pulled out the stuff to make a sandwich.
I kind of wanted to turn it into a comic, but those are far too much work for someone of my level of patience.
Despite the misleading title, this will be a story for clean audiences, though it may contain some dirty talk and swearing in the future. It will stay around PG-13.
On a late afternoon in June, an old, white mustang pulled into a parking spot outside an apartment complex. It was probably more accurate to call it brown, rather than white, due to all the rust, and it made unpleasant noises as it rattled to a stop and sighed as the passengers inside got out.
“Dude, please let me buy you a new car.”
“No, I'm telling you, I can take care of myself.”
“But you need one.”
“Dusty is fine. It just needs a wash.”
The pair headed to a door on the second floor of the complex marked “23,” and went inside. The first one in was an average-looking lean white tiger who stood about 5ʹ6ʺ. His fur was as white as snow, and the only splashes of color on his face were his pale pink nose and his deep green eyes. Behind him came his twin brother, a tan lion with big black gauges and jarring jet black hair, which he had dyed with a fade of bright neon blue to match his own eyes. He dwarfed his twin by over half a foot, at 6ʹ2ʺ, and it was quite easy to tell he was a long-time body-builder by his thick chest and bulgy arms sticking out the sides of his gray tank top.
“That thing's going to fall to pieces any minute,” the lion continued, “You've had it for - what - five years now? And it was old then.”
The tiger dropped his bag on the couch and walked over to the kitchen side of the room, starting to look through the cupboard for something to eat. “I'm saving up for a new one.”
“Why not just let me get you one, Red? You know I have the money for it.”
“I can do it myself. I don't want to have to owe you anything.”
“You won't owe me anything, it's a gift. An early birthday present.”
Red turned back to face him, “Our birthday isn’t for six more months, and whether you mean it as a gift or not, I would feel like I owe you. And knowing you, you’ll get something extremely expensive, and I will never ever be able to pay you back.”
The lion sighed and turned around, facing the window, which was flooding a warm summer light into the room, “Fine.”
Red went back to checking the cupboards, and they sat in silence for all of one second.
“How about this –.”
“Lex, let it go –.”
“Just hear me out, please.”
The tiger faced him again with an unamused expression.
“How about I buy myself a new car, and we go on a road trip. If you fall in love with it, I'll let you have it, and if not, I'll keep it myself.”
“That's just reckless spending on your part.”
“I'm filthy rich, I can afford a hundred new cars and still have money to buy a house.”
“You’re exaggerating.”
“Maybe I am, but it doesn’t matter. I was already thinking of trading in my Jeep, since I never use it, and if we get something you like, I won’t miss it.”
Red sighed and stared at the wall, still holding the cupboard door open.
“C'mon, I know you love road trips. We can go to Washington. We've never been there. We can bring some friends too, like Taco and that – uh, that lesbian girl you hang out with –.”
“Mel.”
“Yeah, her, or whoever else you want to take,” Lex looked almost pleading, “At the very least we’ll have fun, and if you still don’t want it, I won’t bug you about Dusty anymore,” he gestured out the window at the old mustang, which was easily visible among the other, fairly newer cars in the lot like an ugly, cavity-ridden tooth.
“I have work…”
“We won’t be gone much more than a week. A few days to get there, a day or two for the beach and stuff, and then we come back. The library’s flexible with things like that, aren’t they?”
Red nodded, “What about you?”
“I’m not scheduled to film anything until for a couple weeks anyway, I’m already on vacation.”
“And I suppose you’ll be paying for the whole trip?”
“Of course,” Lex winked, “At least the hotel rooms, gas, and food.”
The white tiger rubbed his face, “… Alright. When do we leave?”
Lex practically jumped, punching the air in front of his chest in victory, “That’s more like it!” He hopped over the counter and sat down at the table, “I can go get the car tomorrow morning, so we can leave as soon as everyone you want to come is ready.”
Red sucked in and breathed out slowly, “What kind of car will you get then?”
“Dunno, what kind do you want?”
“I don’t know cars as well as you, man.”
“What about a Corvette? You know those, don’t you?”
Red raised an eyebrow, “I’m not letting you get something that high end.”
“Come on, dude, you’ve already agreed to the trip, why not take something amazing?” Lex was grinning as he shook his head, “You’re so stubborn.”
Red huffed, “Fine! Get a dark blue, 2015 Stingray with temp-control seats and the best sound system cars have to offer, if you want to be picky.”
“Done,” the beefy lion smacked the table, “I’ll find a place now so I know where to get it tomorrow.”
“You’re such a whore,” Red sighed.
“You got that right.”
“I’m gonna feel like I owe you my life forever now.”
“You only owe me if you turn around and sell it,” Lex smirked with a raised eyebrow, “You have to keep it until one of you dies, whichever comes first.”
As Lex pulled out his phone to start Googling and making calls, Red sighed and pulled out the stuff to make a sandwich.
Category Story / All
Species Tiger
Size 120 x 120px
File Size 26 kB
This is really good so far man, I like these kind of "slice of life" stories, you can connect easily to them. If I may though, and I've done this many times myself, the only thing I might suggest is not giving an out right description of characters like at the top. It can kinda throw readers off just a little, nice flow of story then all of a sudden, bang, character description. Try hinting at how they look, as an example, in the midst of a conversation with one character "thinking" about how the other looks, in a kind of off handed mental comment like...'Man, you now I wish I could get as buff as him, but I can sweat gallons in the gym lifting and not even get close'. Let readers fill in the blanks sometimes. It helps the flow to keep going and lets there imagination run a bit. Just an idea, I like it thus far though, it's great and feels natural. Keep it up!
Normally, I do try to spread the descriptions out, but I sorta wanted to get it written down pretty fast this time. XD But when I come back and edit this more, I think I will try and cut out some of it.
The only problem with having them think about the other character is that I try and stay out of their heads as much as I can, so that the reader feels more like they're watching a movie. It's just a style I like.
Thanks so much for the feedback! I'm glad you like it. :3
The only problem with having them think about the other character is that I try and stay out of their heads as much as I can, so that the reader feels more like they're watching a movie. It's just a style I like.
Thanks so much for the feedback! I'm glad you like it. :3
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