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Story / Baby fur
Species Western Dragon
Size 120 x 120
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More from Diaperedragon
Exchanged: Chapter 1 (Dragon TF, contains diapers)
My first submission to Fur Affinity!
Category Story / Baby fur
Species Western Dragon
Size 120 x 120px
File Size 26.2 kB
Well first of all, I think this is the story that every diaperfur has thought about writing at one point or another: you turn into your 'sona and become dependent on diapers and live in a world in furries and everything is awesome for happily ever after. You, however, are the one who got off your ass and did it, so good job and thank you on that.
You also avoid many of the standard pitfalls of furry writing; you don't put an -ing word after every comma, and you don't put an adjective/adverb before every single goddamn noun/verb. You show flexibility in your sentence structure, and that is a very positive trait in a writer. Keep it up.
However, you also overdo it a bit with the first person pronouns. For instance:
"I was wearing a diaper still, and it looked like I had peed myself as I slept. I sneered at the yellow-tinted, swollen diaper and took it off. I wrapped it in a grocery bag and set it aside.
I took a long shower, after which I dried off and diapered myself again. The dry diaper felt a lot better than the wet one. After putting a pair of jeans on, I took the bag with my used diaper out to the trash can outside.
I left a note on the counter that informed my parents that I was going to meet with a new friend to play basketball, then got in my car with the black drawstring bag full of diapers and the letter. It took only a few minutes to drive to the address on the letter using the GPS on my phone, and I was surprised to see that this �doctor's� office looked an awful lot like a large mansion.
I parked my car and came to the door with the bag and letter, pressing the doorbell and knocking. It wasn't long before a youthful man in a t-shirt and jeans opened the door, �Hey, sorry. We don't accept solicitations.�
I held up the letter, �I'm here to speak to Doctor Reed.�"
Just scroll through your story and note how many paragraphs start with "I". Like I said, you're good at keeping variety in your sentence structure, but this is one example of where you could stand to be more varied. You also tend to use a lot of commas, which is a staple of furry writing. Putting commas in every sentence, especially around the same general place, can make your writing subconsciously repetitive and lifeless. Try practicing organizing your ideas into two separate sentences rather than one sentence with a comma. Or, you can put several commas into one sentence; one extreme is just as good as the other. The key is variety.
Secondly, avoid overly dramatic statements:
"I shuddered in disbelief at what I was about to do. I tried one more time to convince myself not to, but the hard truth was that I had wet myself two times that day."
"All the doubts in my mind had been shattered."
Damn, you built up that diapering like he was about to cut off a fucking leg. It's a diaper. Sure, someone who isn't a diaperfag like us might be disgusted, but *shuddering in disbelief*? That's kinda overreacting. Especially considering that he's at home, alone, in no danger of being seen whatsoever. Trying on a diaper is not the most horrific thing anyone has ever done.
And wow, *all* the doubts in his mind had been *shattered*, like the fucking tower of Sauron. "All" sounds omnipotent and "shattered" implies an explosion. Just understand that some words carry strong or weak connotations, and are therefore inappropriate for major or minor scenarios. Don't worry about making your writing sound fancy, just write like you speak (within reason, grammar is still important).
Like I said, you're much better than many of the furry writers I've seen, and I look forward to reading part two.
You also avoid many of the standard pitfalls of furry writing; you don't put an -ing word after every comma, and you don't put an adjective/adverb before every single goddamn noun/verb. You show flexibility in your sentence structure, and that is a very positive trait in a writer. Keep it up.
However, you also overdo it a bit with the first person pronouns. For instance:
"I was wearing a diaper still, and it looked like I had peed myself as I slept. I sneered at the yellow-tinted, swollen diaper and took it off. I wrapped it in a grocery bag and set it aside.
I took a long shower, after which I dried off and diapered myself again. The dry diaper felt a lot better than the wet one. After putting a pair of jeans on, I took the bag with my used diaper out to the trash can outside.
I left a note on the counter that informed my parents that I was going to meet with a new friend to play basketball, then got in my car with the black drawstring bag full of diapers and the letter. It took only a few minutes to drive to the address on the letter using the GPS on my phone, and I was surprised to see that this �doctor's� office looked an awful lot like a large mansion.
I parked my car and came to the door with the bag and letter, pressing the doorbell and knocking. It wasn't long before a youthful man in a t-shirt and jeans opened the door, �Hey, sorry. We don't accept solicitations.�
I held up the letter, �I'm here to speak to Doctor Reed.�"
Just scroll through your story and note how many paragraphs start with "I". Like I said, you're good at keeping variety in your sentence structure, but this is one example of where you could stand to be more varied. You also tend to use a lot of commas, which is a staple of furry writing. Putting commas in every sentence, especially around the same general place, can make your writing subconsciously repetitive and lifeless. Try practicing organizing your ideas into two separate sentences rather than one sentence with a comma. Or, you can put several commas into one sentence; one extreme is just as good as the other. The key is variety.
Secondly, avoid overly dramatic statements:
"I shuddered in disbelief at what I was about to do. I tried one more time to convince myself not to, but the hard truth was that I had wet myself two times that day."
"All the doubts in my mind had been shattered."
Damn, you built up that diapering like he was about to cut off a fucking leg. It's a diaper. Sure, someone who isn't a diaperfag like us might be disgusted, but *shuddering in disbelief*? That's kinda overreacting. Especially considering that he's at home, alone, in no danger of being seen whatsoever. Trying on a diaper is not the most horrific thing anyone has ever done.
And wow, *all* the doubts in his mind had been *shattered*, like the fucking tower of Sauron. "All" sounds omnipotent and "shattered" implies an explosion. Just understand that some words carry strong or weak connotations, and are therefore inappropriate for major or minor scenarios. Don't worry about making your writing sound fancy, just write like you speak (within reason, grammar is still important).
Like I said, you're much better than many of the furry writers I've seen, and I look forward to reading part two.
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