Okay welcome to the forest called Nowhere, this place doesn't exist, so it has no name (plus the author can't think of one...) and it is filled with rivers, to no end, they're fun for swimming and having a good time, and they will never go away... or will they? A family from Canada recently went on vacation to the US and little did they know a little critter snuck into their car and found a new home, but he doesn't like it, at least not yet... The river was owned by this otter named Michael, and Michael, when not making jokes to an asinine degree, he was in charge of keeping the river safe, let's see how he fails...

"Hey Michael, what are these?" Ryder, Michael's slightly crazy squirrel friend asked as he found two old tennis balls.

"Those are balls, humans use them for fun and games." he responded normally. Michael knows a lot about human life and activities.

"Really, that sound like fun, I'm keeping them, wanna play with my balls?" Ryder excitedly asked as he grabbed one of the tennis balls.

"Sure but first, squirrel do you know what ya balls are telling you?" he asked.

"What?"

"Ya nuts..." he sarcastically answered with a double or maybe even triple on-tundra. Ryder laughed and threw the ball a little too hard as he missed Michael and hit someone in the bushes.

"Ouch..." he said.

"Hey boogie man, come out from the bushes before I file a police report for a spy," Michael yelled out. At that moment a beaver stepped out rubbing his head.

"Who are you and do I need to call my insurance agent to cover your veterinarian bill?" Michael asked.

"I don't know what you mean by that, anyway I'm Gordon and I just moved here from Canada and I saw this river and had to come by it, it's beautiful!" he responded with a heavy Canadian accent, but he isn't saying 'eh', the author isn't a racist.

"And I thought Mexico had an immigration problem, too many fast mice, so why do you have such an interest in this river?" Michael asked him kinda annoyed.

I want to put a damn up here, it's the perfect spot, and it would make a nice home for me cause I can't sleep in a tree."

"Why not, the leaves make nice blankets." Ryder added.

"Okay... let's see, um, uh, no, sorry bud, the river is for everyone and it's not something that can just be taken by some stranger with a plan that's stranger.

"Are you sure, I can be quite persuasive..." the beaver responded in a mildly sinister tone.

"Hey man, I ain't letting you do it, no dam, no damn dam dam it, or actually, don't dam it, just get outta here before some wood gets put on both ends." Michael said as he threw a stick at the beaver while Ryder played with his balls.

"Man, I want some nuts to go with these balls!" the squirrel exclaimed.

"I think... no, no, it's too easy." Michael said as the beaver left while rubbing his hands together. Come on, Michael doesn't want to give up his home to someone who wants to build a dam there, those are actually really bad for the environment, and his home too.

The next day, Michael went out into the neighborhood of trees and bushes and over heard some skunks talking to each other about something he doesn't like.

"I agree, this dam will be perfect for the forest, I mean Canada is full of beautiful forests and beaver dams, see the connection?" the female skunk said.

"Well Ike and Tina, It's also got old log cabins in frozen tundras icier than your souls, what's with the talk about the dam, I want no damn beaver building a beaver dam on my home and..." Michael began.

"AHH" she yelled in surprised as she put her tail up while her friend did too, "Oh Michael, I thought is was a predator I needed to spray, but you smell bad enough as it is."

"Hey smellies, why do ya want the dam here, it gives no environmental benefit and it would put me out of a home, I'm not going to let this happen." Michael told them. The skunks and Michael never really liked each other because they accidentally sprayed him in his sleep and he had to deal with that for a month. He got revenge by rolling all over their burrow. While they hate each other, they each understand that they each have measurable intelligence and can be pragmatic so Michael has some curiosity about why they want something so asinine.

"Well that beaver man spoke to us and made some good points, let's lets leave it at that, okay Mickey?" she answered, kinda nonchalantly. Michael then flicked her tail.

"'Eh, Nuh...' first of all, I told ya not to call me that, second, this dam is nothing but trouble, and finally, call me Mickey again and Ike won't be the one to hit Tina, got it?" Michael answered as he tried to comedically put his paw in a fist.

"Is that another human reference?" Tina asked as the otter just went off.

Michael went off to see his friend Brock, who was a badger, and yes they know how unoriginal that is because of the name Brock means badger, his parents weren't very bright. When he got to Brock's burrow he over heard him talking about, you guessed it, the dam. "Hey Michael, what do you think about the dam we're all gonna build soon?" he asked.

"I don't like it and I refuse to let it happen now listen up dirt for brains, if I have to hear about that damn dam again I'm gonna set this forest on fire and put everyone in the river, now why does everyone seem to want a damn damn!?"

"Well I met that beaver and he just said some stuff and made it just clicked, ya know what I mean?" Brock asked.

"Man your parents naming a badger Brock was smarter then this dam, ya know what, I can't even look at you right now, ya gonna sell out ya friend for some damn dam, ya need help, I'm going to Ryder's," Michael said as he stormed off, he's getting mad now.

After he left the badger's den he met up with the squirrel and noticed he was talking with that beaver who seems to want some useless dam. "Hey Michael, I was just talking with this guy and he just sold me in, I'm all for it now!"

"Oh that is it, listen up here mounty, you seem so good at convincing these guys about the freaking dam, sell me, I'm all ears, what is so good about this damn dam!?" Michael yelled in anger, he really doesn't want this dam, but the beaver has a plan, he's already got every one else.

"Well actually, you should really be all eyes..." the beaver said.

"All eyes? Uh, 'eye' got a question about that man, what?"

"Just look in my eyes as I tell you that we need a dam..." the beaver said as he looked directly at the river otter and both their eyes began to swirl in red and green, and the beaver made some small persuasions to the otter and not only was he sold on the dam, but he now is as obedient as all the other animals in the woods, now the beaver is the boss, not the otter.

"So Michael, how does the dam seem now...?"

"I'm all for it sir! We can start work on it tomorrow!"

Well there you have it, the otter has lost his place of power, now the beaver owns the area for the dam, and rules over the forest with an iron paw, but it doesn't seem lime they mind, sure, he has to hypnotize them all into agreeing with him, but they are happy, I guess Canadians know more about establishment than we assumed.