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Here's my reponse to the March prompt here: http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/6552921/
The story idea that coalesced in my head after several sessions of listening to the prompt musical piece on a loop turned out to be rather complex. I had to bend the rules and outline it first, but I did write the whole thing in one pass. It is really long. I don't blame you if you TLDR it. HOWEVER, I actually like it: it's got mystery, romance, some allegory, fight scene with a ... thing, a prophecy, magic, and a soothsayer reminescent of the "Old Man in Scene 24". Sorry, FeiOna, no chase scene, though.
If you do decide to grab a cup of tea and go through it, I'd like to hear your feedback on the general idea, events, characters, etc. Naturally with a work produced under the constraints of the monthly challenge, much of that is not full worked out, but I'm putting this in the "save this to polish up one day" pile, so input is appreciated.
The story idea that coalesced in my head after several sessions of listening to the prompt musical piece on a loop turned out to be rather complex. I had to bend the rules and outline it first, but I did write the whole thing in one pass. It is really long. I don't blame you if you TLDR it. HOWEVER, I actually like it: it's got mystery, romance, some allegory, fight scene with a ... thing, a prophecy, magic, and a soothsayer reminescent of the "Old Man in Scene 24". Sorry, FeiOna, no chase scene, though.
If you do decide to grab a cup of tea and go through it, I'd like to hear your feedback on the general idea, events, characters, etc. Naturally with a work produced under the constraints of the monthly challenge, much of that is not full worked out, but I'm putting this in the "save this to polish up one day" pile, so input is appreciated.
Category Story / Human
Species Unspecified / Any
Size 120 x 120px
File Size 90.5 kB
This came out so great! I love how you tied together the story in the end, and how you described that great tentacled beast, and the fantastic dystopian world! This little tale manages to contain a fully epic-sized adventure. I really do hope you revisit this later, polish it up a bit, and maybe explore the world of the girl a little more before getting into the big chamber battle. Very cool story.
Thank you so very much! And thanks for reading it .... I know it was long, but how else could I pack all that in there? It was the time loopy thing that forced it to stretch out ....
I really would like to explore that world more, actually .... The people must be suffering tremendously -- how do they get food and raw materials when most of the land has been turned to desert?
I also think the characters could be really interesting -- a lot more interesting than I painted them in this draft. Claire especially (when she is in the past) would probably go from happy go-lucky, defiant Clair to a brooding and rather troubled, contemplative individual who would sneak off on secret whatevers now and then .... Her personality changes would be interesting ....
Anyway, that's how I imagine her ....
I really would like to explore that world more, actually .... The people must be suffering tremendously -- how do they get food and raw materials when most of the land has been turned to desert?
I also think the characters could be really interesting -- a lot more interesting than I painted them in this draft. Claire especially (when she is in the past) would probably go from happy go-lucky, defiant Clair to a brooding and rather troubled, contemplative individual who would sneak off on secret whatevers now and then .... Her personality changes would be interesting ....
Anyway, that's how I imagine her ....
It took me a couple sessions to read it - hence why it took me so long to respond, but it was totally worth it. It what you have started here in the characters and the world are both really interesting. I don't think you could have compacted it much more than this anyway. Otherwise all of that detail you built would have had to have been sacrificed.
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