there is a very importent story to this... it was given to me by  cracky it brought me to tears, and he dose not know this yet, but it literally saved my life....

let me explain, i have my moods and my days of high and low and thoes of you who KNOW me know that i am highly unstable and often volatile to the point of often having to turn your phones off to avoid my mood.

i was in a particularly bad mood this one day, not aggressive or rude or hostile.. but sad, depressed and suicidal... now, when most say they are suicidal, they are saying it for attention... i have had 5 attempts to date, and on my 4th time i was actually dead, my heart had stopped, but the ambulance brought me back with there defibs and pure Adrenalin into the heart...

i am also HEAVILY medicated, over 12 pills per DAY... not week.. DAY... so understand me 100% when i say, i was feeling suicidal, and i was not attenchion seeking or afraid to do it, i was actually planning it...

then cracky comes online, i played it cool trying not to let on how bad i was feeling cuz the last thing i needed was someone to talk me down from this, but i dont know if my facade betrayed me or he could feel it or whatever, but he worked out something was off, and i wasnt in a happy place...

about half hour later and about ten minutes before offing myself (was planning to take a massive dose of meds lethal levels), Sarah (my PC voice control program) announced "attention Skype is requesting file download" so i click it and see what it is... it was this.

it was very simple, very basic, but.. it spoke to me, i viewed it and mulled over it abit and my bran just melted, i was litteraly crying and i couldnt explaine why.... now, i can though.

i know people care about me, but everyone uses a different way to communicate there love, some hug, some say it, some buy gifts... i respond to gifts and physical best... so this really touched me on a deep core level that i couldn't explain.... and even as i type this i still cant truly understand how something as basic as this stopped me in my tracks, and literally brought me to tears...

all i know is this... this man  cracky saved my life that day, i have a debt i cannot repay... and i owe it completely to this.