This is a little story I was working on for my anthology submission, but the deadline just cut off as I was about to submit it.

So I figured i'd put it here, I meant for it to be longer, and I may just come back and work on it more.

For now though this is just something I got out, no tf or hypno fun, I hope you guys like it though. :)

PS READ THIS PLEASE:

Just as a note, this story caries a bit of heavy content, nothing graphic but it carries heavy thoughts. Not enough to be mature but I figured i might as well leave a warning.

---

Coming around and around

“Come on, come out of there. You have class in twenty minutes,” Penny said, knocking on the bathroom door, but Terrance refused to leave the bathroom, to be honest he refused to do much of anything anymore. “Terry…” Penny sighed, and after a moment Terrance heard her footsteps retreating.

Glancing into the porcelain bowl, Terrance leaned his head against the rim. It was all just too much for the leopard, as of late it had become a habit of sitting on the floor in the bathroom and not doing anything. Going outside was so hard… this same thing happened the year before during college, and it was repeating itself again. Anxiety rose to near unbearable levels, and he couldn’t bring himself to go to class. His tail slowly slapped across the tiled floor a few times, and he sighed as he flushed the toilet, he hadn’t done anything but more for his sake than anyone else he just pretended he had a long bathroom break.

Stepping out of the bathroom he glanced around to see if anyone else was in, but Penny was off to class, and Bruno wasn’t going to be returning for another hour due to a date. Terrance was relieved as he walked over to the couch and snagged a pillow before sitting down and clinging to the pillow as if it were the only thing keeping him afloat in the world. “They don’t understand,” Terrance sighed quietly, he felt bad honestly that he was acting like this, but he couldn’t stop the flow of anxiety attacks.

Going to college wasn’t Terrance’s idea in the first place, it was his dad’s. The man had been very strict about Terrance going to college right after high school, after all none of the rest of his family had completed college, or most hadn’t even attended. Terrance was the middle child, his older brother had abandoned the family as soon as he hit high school, dropping out so all hopes and dreams of college fell on him. Feeling his body shake as he clung to the pillow, Terry ground his teeth together hoping to stop the pitiful feeling welling up inside of him, threatening to draw him down into a deep depressive state once more.

Sitting with the pillow clenched in his fists Terrance realized that his claws had already torn holes into the pillow. “Oh dang it… not again,” he muttered, noting that this was the third time in one of his states where he’d ripped a pillow. “This is Bruno’s too,” he mumbled, feeling bad as he sighed and figured he would just give the bear a twenty to pay back the last two pillows he ripped.

The leopard was quiet as he quietly bit the edge of the pillow, if it was ripped Bruno wouldn’t care if it had bite marks in it too. His phone buzzed in his pocket, and for a moment it shook him out of his reverie as he pulled the little brick out and flicked the screen on. “Counselor meeting, three o’clock today, be there – Penny,” the text said, and for a moment Terrance felt enraged, and he tossed the phone across the room and it hit the other wall, and his head was back in the pillow before he saw it collide. Guilt wracked him already, the phone was from his parents, and they were still paying his bills for the phone… what if it were broken?

It was the biggest emotional rollercoaster that Terrance had been on in his life… well, maybe a little bit less from middle school… His tail thumped hard against the cushions, but the sound was muted. Terrance refused to acknowledge the world around him… if he did that, then he might sink even deeper into the sludge pit that was his life… “You are the biggest pansy…” a voice said beside him, and Terrance jolted out of his reverie, and looked up to see his older brother, Warren.

The older leopard had gotten in without a sound, he slipped a pack of cigarettes out from his pocket and slid one between his lips. “Get out…” Terrance hissed, his whiskers twitching in anger as the older leopard lit it up. “You can’t do that anyways… we’re inside.”

“Nobody gives a crap,” Warren said, taking a deep whiff of the butt before exhaling deeply pushing the smoke out. “I mean after all, you smoked as much as I did in high school,” he said, turning his gaze down to his younger sibling. “You should start again, maybe it’ll get you out of this little pity party you’re throwing yourself.”

Terrance refused to acknowledge his brother, turning his gaze away from him. Anxiety… panic… depression… all words could explain what was happening to him right now, but he didn’t give much of a dang… The world was blissfully dark, he wanted to ignore his problems… crap, a cigarette didn’t sound that bad though truth be told. Turning his gaze back to his brother he saw him picking up one of their family portraits. “Look at this pic, dad has such a big stick up his ass…”

For a few minutes Terrance didn’t talk, just nibbled on the pillow before glancing up. “How did you get in?” His brother gestured to a window that Bruno must’ve opened, or his brother pried open… both were sound reasons. “Well you need to leave, and put out the cigarette,” Terrance said, finally starting to get out from underneath the pillows as his sibling gave him a once over.

“You should take a look in the mirror, little bro. Looks like you got hit with every kind of crap stick,” the older cat laughed, and walking towards the window he flicked his cigarette outside. “I’ll see you around, I’m in town for a few days,” he said, and with a dismissive gesture, the brother flung his leg over the window sill, and with one more look at Terrance he smiled and hopped down.

After his brother left, Terrance sighed and dug his muzzle into the the pillow again. “This is just not my day...” he muttered, his stomach churning as he decided he might as well pull some shorts on before going to the counselor...

***

Sitting in the waiting room, Terrance tapped his foot on the floor nervously, this was his third visit to the counseling center, and every time he went he felt sicker than the last. The counselor would wait for him to say something, and he would just stare right on through the man, staring at the clock that would let him go. There was the sound of an opening door down the hall, and a pretty bluebird stepped out from around the corner. “Thank you, Doctor Morroe. I’ll be back next week,” she said, smiling at him before walking away.

Stepping out, Todd Morroe looked at Terrance and smiled. “Terrance, you’re back. I thought you said you were done after the last session,” Todd was a surprisingly buff counselor, according to his plaque he’d been there for fifteen years now, he was in his forties, the bear’s eyes had more life in them though than some twenty year olds that Terrance knew. Todd’s words weren’t cruel, they carried a happiness that Terrance had come back, though the leopard couldn’t really tell why he came back truth be told.

Standing up, Terrance followed the counselor in silence, his heart was in his throat as he sat down in the bear’s office. Some incense in the room lightened the atmosphere of a rather stressful job, Todd took his seat as Terrance rolled up the edge of his shirt around his finger. The room was dim, Todd only kept one light on in the room as he found it was easier to talk to people when they felt the light wasn’t all being focused on them. “So Terrance, how’re you doing this week?” Todd asked, having turned on a voice recorder he always kept for review later.

The bear sat patiently as his client sat there quietly, this was the usual routine, Terrance would sit there wondering what he would say. Would he lie today? Say that his week was perfect, or would he tell him that Warren came to visit? The leopard’s whiskers twitched for a moment, and he sighed as he finally acknowledged Todd, this was faster than his usual reaction time, so Todd hoped this might mean he would be in a better mood than usual. “I... saw Warren today,” Terrance said, Todd was quiet for a moment as he wrote it down, nodding as he glanced back up.

“Did you get to talk to him?” Todd asked, the panther was quiet for a moment, arguing with himself before he nodded. “What did you two talk about?” Todd asked, writing a few more notes on his clipboard as he leaned back. His tone never wavering from the happy tone, no judgement in his eyes, yet Terrance felt more afraid around him than anybody else, divulging his secrets.

For a moment Terrance felt like walking out, not giving out any more of his secrets... but that wouldn’t help him, if he really wanted to get rid of this... “He... insulted me, and told me I should pick up smoking again,” he admitted, it had been so hard to stop smoking, and to pick it back up would be both a blessing, and a curse. He didn’t want to be weak, he wanted to get past this hell.

“What did you think of that?” Todd asked, setting down his clipboard as Terrance shook his head quietly, not answering with words, but the sentiment was the same as if he’d spoken. “Well I’m glad you’re beating back your addiction for cigarettes, I remember you saying that your brother was the one who got you on them. How does it feel to see him again?”

“Sick,” Terrance said, every word was forced from his chest, thrown up rather than said willingly. He didn’t want to be here... but he did, or else he wouldn’t be sitting here, talking about his feelings. “I... hate him,” he growled, his fist shaking as his claws dug into his hand. Noticing some blood, Todd stood up and grabbed his first aid kit, he took Terrance’s paw in hand, saying nothing as he pulled out a bandage and quickly wrapped up his hand.

After that Todd put the box away, Terrance staring at his paw, the bandage soaking up some of the crimson. “Are you alright?” Todd asked, sitting back down as Terrance stared at the bandage. “You said on your sheet that you’ve hurt yourself before, was it like that, or worse?” Todd asked, Terrance was like a locked diary, not opening up to anyone and keeping everything in so nobody else could read the information.

Remembering some of the days where he had thought about killing himself, Terrance just shrugged. “Some were worse, but this is the usual pain,” he said, Todd marking down the fact. “It mostly happens when I think about my dad... or my brother,” Terrance went on, Todd knew that there was a lot of stress between the panther and his father. “Warren... he made my life a living hell, getting me to smoke... beating me up so he could practice his fist fighting. He used to go to these fighting matches, and he would use me for punching practice, he told me that he would use me for practice, but I found out that whenever he went out to go to the fighting matches, he would actually just be going to a local shop that let him buy cigarettes, and would smoke the whole time.”

“So he just beat on you for no reason?” Todd asked, Terrance nodded as Todd marked that fact down. Todd had to admit, Warren sounded like a real piece of work. “You and your father had yelling matches, right?”

Once again the panther nodded, his tail was rigid as it always was whenever he had to talk about himself. “He wanted me to live his perfect life, go to college, get married, have all the money in the world,” Terrance said, he remembered his father’s face when he told him his darkest secret. “For the most part... everything was okay, mom was nice, dad loved me... but once Warren left, everything became crap. Dad cracked down on Stew and me, though Stew got away with a lot more since I covered for him a lot,” Terrance explained, thinking of his little brother as he rubbed at old wounds. “Well... when I was preparing to go to college... I talked to my dad... told him something that I’ve been keeping hidden for a while.”

Todd had a feeling he knew what it was, slipping papers out from his clipboard and glancing over them. “You said your dad wanted you to get married...” he noted, Terrance nodded once more.

“I came out to my mom and dad... I was supposed to stay home while I was going to college, but after I told them... I like guys, then everything changed. Dad... hit me, and told me that I was staying in a dorm until he knew what to do with me,” Terrance confessed, his cheek feeling the phantom pains.

After that Terrance stayed silent, Todd was quiet as he wrote a few things down, he had to admit that he was very angry at the fact that someone would be hitting their kids. The fact that Terrance’s younger brother was still living there made him anxious to jump on the phone, but there was the fact that Terrance was being supported through college by his parents, and he needed the counseling. Terrance was silent, and Todd was alright with that as he wrote things down, glancing up he stared at the young man. “Would you like to come in again tomorrow, Terrance?”

For a moment Terrance was going to say no... but he felt a little better after confiding in the bear, though he still felt sick about confessing these dirty secrets. “Sure,” he grunted, Todd nodded a few times as Terrance gave him one last glance before walking out. Todd sat back and clicked his pen a few times as he bit his lip.

“Well… that went better than expected,” he said to himself, poking a button to the speaker into his office he said, “Daisy, open up a slot for Terrance tomorrow… actually, clear out two. This may take a while…”