How to describe this...

With the end of school, I thought most of my drained mental activity and energy was just burnout from school... But I find myself not really healing, or... sometimes I am. I find clarity in a moment and then it turns into really bitter feelings. Veering moods like a roller-coaster, petty feelings, irritation, negative thoughts and concocting really horrible things about others which aren't true. It feels like my mind is untied, but nothing is important or helpful is coming out. And the worst part is that I don't want any help... I'm so sick of being the head case that keeps yearning to be saved, but I don't know it THAT is a real feeling or me trying to recluse again... God damn it, this is really annoying... It's a mixed up twisted fuck--ball right now, and I just want this storm to be over but it won't be... This is how I am going to be for many, many, many parts of my life and there's a part of me that really hates that... SO MUCH FOR IMPROVEMENT AND SUCCESS.