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Part one -- http://www.furaffinity.net/view/16608520/
Been putting this off a bit, but I think I did this part more justice than the first. Setting up a world is always harder to me, but as I get more into it things kinda flow easier. Lots more dialogue in this one as well, so advice is welcome since last time I was a bit sub-par in that aspect.
All in all, I hope you all enjoy! Comments and critique are more than welcome :)
As I said previously, I'm always looking for anyone who would like their character to appear! Please comment below or note me to make it happen.
A big THANKS to those appearing in this one:
--
DevilishlyHandsome49
--
RedSavage
--
ruethel
--
Rishary
(Also please tell me if I'm uploading it right ._.)
Been putting this off a bit, but I think I did this part more justice than the first. Setting up a world is always harder to me, but as I get more into it things kinda flow easier. Lots more dialogue in this one as well, so advice is welcome since last time I was a bit sub-par in that aspect.
All in all, I hope you all enjoy! Comments and critique are more than welcome :)
As I said previously, I'm always looking for anyone who would like their character to appear! Please comment below or note me to make it happen.
A big THANKS to those appearing in this one:
--
DevilishlyHandsome49--
RedSavage--
ruethel--
Rishary(Also please tell me if I'm uploading it right ._.)
Category Story / Miscellaneous
Species Unspecified / Any
Size 120 x 120px
File Size 7.6 kB
Listed in Folders
Finally got around to reading this and seeing if there's anything that needs improvement. Part 1 was good, this is better, but a few minor things I would tweak:
If you had of line of dialogue and then description after that, it the the description is more than two sentences, make it its own paragraph. Less cluttered that way.
And as for posting the story in the info box here, make sure you add extra space between each paragraph, cause its really cluttered looking and makes it a bit hard to see.
Overall, nothing big, good work :)
If you had of line of dialogue and then description after that, it the the description is more than two sentences, make it its own paragraph. Less cluttered that way.
And as for posting the story in the info box here, make sure you add extra space between each paragraph, cause its really cluttered looking and makes it a bit hard to see.
Overall, nothing big, good work :)
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