Based on what's been happening for a while u.u Someone in particular making me feel uneasy/upset at home, so there are times when I just want to stay in my room, covered up and either cry or just think to myself.

It's a weird feeling, I want to be alone but I don't like the thought of being alone. Yeah, online friends are ok but it doesn't feel the same as a RL person beside you (if you understand what I mean).

I tend to bottle up my emotions too much and eventually I end up crying until I literally puke but that's rare.


Being a shy young adult is a struggle for me. People seem to expect me to do a lot of things by now but I can't because I lack confidence and I can be scared. I'm not built to push myself to do things, if I do that then I might feel all shaky/weak or I end up having a panic attack. Due to what I'm experiencing, people would think of me as being a child or a "retard" (yes I've been called those two things before).

I miss the days when I was a child, things were less stressful and I was always happy...but of course I grew up and now seeing the reality of things. I'm still young but I'm scared of what's to come.

I wish I was more confident, I wish I didn't get scared over minor things and I wish a certain relative of mine would be nicer and more supportive because to be honest I don't want to end up like those people who don't see that relative for years due to not getting along or being scared of that person. Nowadays whenever I'm with that person...I always feel like an argument is going to happen or me getting made fun of. It's not helping me at all. Some people don't realize that these words can hurt people.

Anyway that's all I have to say u.u


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