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And so the first big moment of the story unfolds! But be ready for more ladies and gentlemen! The real fun and other important individuals have yet to be revealed!
Oh man does this feel good! Yes I know this took for-freaking-ever, but I found myself going back and modifying and adjusting it till this chapter felt right! I look forward to hearing what others will think of this next piece of the story!!
And also, if you may be wondering, the trend of switching to a different character perspective at the end of a chapter is not going to be a constant. I simply felt they worked for these two chapters. Some future chapters may have them while others wont. Just wanted ta let ya know folks! *smiles*
Oh man does this feel good! Yes I know this took for-freaking-ever, but I found myself going back and modifying and adjusting it till this chapter felt right! I look forward to hearing what others will think of this next piece of the story!!
And also, if you may be wondering, the trend of switching to a different character perspective at the end of a chapter is not going to be a constant. I simply felt they worked for these two chapters. Some future chapters may have them while others wont. Just wanted ta let ya know folks! *smiles*
Category Story / Fantasy
Species Unspecified / Any
Size 50 x 50px
File Size 101 kB
I think it's pretty good, but you should watch out for the blocks of description you do, like for the armor and weapon, especially when they're not very important. it kinda clogs up the story and interrupts the flow. And I think you should also write shorter paragraphs to aerate the whole thing. :) You seem to try to have all your paragraphs have roughly the same size, but the important is that you switch lines everytime the action shifts, even just slightly.
Keep up the good work, and make it better! ^^
Keep up the good work, and make it better! ^^
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