No.. i think you finished it Bautifuly. but then again, Im no wordsmith..

Wow... I'm still amazing that you have this inside of you, kitty. This is something you should seriously pursue, and I hope you keep writing and posting. A lot of times poem's can sound very... fake. Like they are trying to sound like a poem but lack the proper feeling to actually be one. This -feels-.

The images it conjures is that of an unborn child, showing you his world before the corruption of our world is able to touch him.

This darkness is like the abandoning of the senses, for fear of the lies they give. But at the same time, it's a sadness, because you're you're also giving everything up that's good in the world.

In this poem, the darkness sound like it's safer, but it's sterile and unfeeling. Very.. provocative.

I could be way off, but part of the reason we have poems is that our insight in them says a lot about ourselves as well.