Miskey, I can not view some parts of the story. Any ideas on how to fix this? Also, your stories rock! How was mine?

Hmm, it might be because you don't have Adult on? That could be it

I really like the idea (I've wanted to write about time travel or at least another time period because I love ancient civilizations and the like). There are some things I would say that you could do differently that could give your story and overall stronger appearance, and if you'd like to hear them I'd be happy to share ^^

Please do. Is one of them the sentences are too short?

Sentences can be short, sometimes it's unnecessary and maybe a run on would sound better. But one big thing I can say would be not to give information out like candy on Halloween. Like with the box, when you were describing it. If that was your brothers favorite color, you can say that, but try other abstract ways. Maybe with a backstory on the brother of why it is or a memory that reminded you of him and the color or it could be as simple as describe it later. If it happened once I probably wouldn't have said anything but it was just very repetitive

Another thing I will say is to try to describe the main character in a different fashion. If its third, you can say "white wolf" "sparkling silver fox" to describe the character. One thing about writing is that it leaves people to imagine the scenario and maybe what you imagine in the story may not be what others imagine. (I'm not saying don't describe anything, but don't say this has to be this way and this has to be this way) If you're in first person, you could write maybe "other wolves made fun of me for my odd patterns on my fur and assorted coloring. The reds and yellows really threw them off" (something like that)

These are just some things that I noticed, I hope I helped some =D

Thank you very much. I will get started on fixing the story

No problem man, and if you ever want any help with something I'm fairly busy but I'll be sure to help ya =)

I got part 2 up if you want to read it

I like all your work, it really is a good story! You are an excellent writer!

I just want to say even after a year I still love this story, and I am reading parts of it again! Amazing work