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More from kijani_lion
Today, we made a decision as a family to pull my father off life support after a devastating terminal stroke suffered after complications from heart surgery. If you didn't read my journals about it and would like to:
First update: http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/6842015/
Second update (after stroke): http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/6851308/
I will be taking a short break from social media while my family and I are in mourning, but I promise I will read every one of your messages when I am ready. The support and love I have been receiving from all of you for the last 2 weeks has helped me immensely in getting through this most difficult time in my life.
A Tribute to Dad
Today, on the day of my father's death, is the first time in two weeks I actually feel at peace. Yes, there is and will be many tears shed tonight and great sadness in losing a tremendous man, but I am relieved his suffering and pain in the physical world will finally end.
Life has a way of turning on a dime, and what has happened in the past 14 days, from seeing my dad apparently healthy, happy and enjoying life, to now see him taking his last breath, has forever changed my outlook on life. I've learned to cherish each day and never take anything in this world for granted. I've learned to never hold back feelings, for fear of regret that you didn't do enough, that you didn't show you cared or say "I love you" when you meant it the most. There may never be a next time.
The last meaningful contact I had with my dad was on Father's Day when my sister and I went to the hospital and he read our Father's Day cards. It was then he said how happy and proud he was that we turned out the way we did, and how lucky he was that we lived so close together (My sister, my dad and I live within a 3-mile radius of each other, we didn't fall far from the nest). It was one of those rare family moments, not in the ideal location, of course, but little did we know it would be our last.
I led a short prayer for his safety just before my dad went into surgery that I know deeply touched him being a devoutly religious man, and I am content with that being his last memory of me. Surgeons and doctors all comforted us, saying the surgery was safe and Dad would come out of this a new man, and we believed that with every fiber in our bodies.
It was not fair that the test results didn't show the amount of calcification in dad's heart properly, which caused surgeons to change plans after he had already been cut open.
It was not fair that he was in the rare 3% of patients that suffered a blood pressure complication from the surgery, causing doctors to perform an emergency procedure to keep him alive.
It was not fair that procedure broke some of the calcification in his heart valve, causing the tiny grains of sand to be thrown into his bloodstream, like thousands of miniature seashells being cast into the ocean of life.
It was not fair that those seashells came to rest at the base of his brain stem, the single most vital part of the nervous system, blocking the oxygen flow and shutting off all of his motor abilities aside from the most basic, primordial reflexes of breathing and blinking.
It was not fair that doctors were unable to detect the severity of the stroke until days later, when it was far too late to take action, and it eventually consumed his life.
But life isn't fair, and even though seemingly the entire universe was praying for him at his most vulnerable time, God had other plans and we accept that. One of the many, many heartfelt messages I've gotten from friends stated an analogy that makes perfect sense.
"Why do the good people always seem to go before they're ready? When we pick flowers, we always pick the most beautiful ones." My dad was one handsome flower.
Besides being the single strongest positive influence in my life and someone I relied on so much for advice and wisdom, Dad was one of the most loving, supportive, selfless human beings on Earth. He helped so many people through tough, dark times with guidance counseling and ministry, and would never ask for anything in return. He made so many sacrifices for my sister and I as we were growing up, everything he did, he did for us. He was the glue that held our family together, even to this day.
He taught me how to give back in life, and he's one of the main reasons I'm so active in the furry fandom, helping inspire people to to good and bring joy to others through my video work, organizing meets, hosting panels at conventions and starting my own nonprofit organization. My dad was supportive from day one, spending hours with me doing photo shoots every time I got a new fursuit, and even taking video at the first When Furballs Strike meet, which ended up growing to being the largest furry bowling meet on the planet. I remember how proud he was as a father when he found out I was named Guest of Honor at Biggest Little Fur Con in 2014.
I thought it was fitting that on the Fourth of July, my dad would claim his independence from the physical world and enter the spiritual. Every time I watched the chilling and powerful Mufasa's Ghost scene in the Lion King movie, or the musical, I would put myself in Simba's place and wonder what it would be like to lose your father and have to seek him for guidance from up above. I hoped I wouldn't have to experience that for a long time, but never did I think I would find out so soon.
Thanks for everything Dad. I am so sorry for the pain you were put through in your last moments on this Earth. You didn't deserve to leave us so soon, but you are going to be with the Lord and continue your work (and your beautiful garden) in Heaven. Love you so much,
Your son,
Tim
First update: http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/6842015/
Second update (after stroke): http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/6851308/
I will be taking a short break from social media while my family and I are in mourning, but I promise I will read every one of your messages when I am ready. The support and love I have been receiving from all of you for the last 2 weeks has helped me immensely in getting through this most difficult time in my life.
A Tribute to Dad
Today, on the day of my father's death, is the first time in two weeks I actually feel at peace. Yes, there is and will be many tears shed tonight and great sadness in losing a tremendous man, but I am relieved his suffering and pain in the physical world will finally end.
Life has a way of turning on a dime, and what has happened in the past 14 days, from seeing my dad apparently healthy, happy and enjoying life, to now see him taking his last breath, has forever changed my outlook on life. I've learned to cherish each day and never take anything in this world for granted. I've learned to never hold back feelings, for fear of regret that you didn't do enough, that you didn't show you cared or say "I love you" when you meant it the most. There may never be a next time.
The last meaningful contact I had with my dad was on Father's Day when my sister and I went to the hospital and he read our Father's Day cards. It was then he said how happy and proud he was that we turned out the way we did, and how lucky he was that we lived so close together (My sister, my dad and I live within a 3-mile radius of each other, we didn't fall far from the nest). It was one of those rare family moments, not in the ideal location, of course, but little did we know it would be our last.
I led a short prayer for his safety just before my dad went into surgery that I know deeply touched him being a devoutly religious man, and I am content with that being his last memory of me. Surgeons and doctors all comforted us, saying the surgery was safe and Dad would come out of this a new man, and we believed that with every fiber in our bodies.
It was not fair that the test results didn't show the amount of calcification in dad's heart properly, which caused surgeons to change plans after he had already been cut open.
It was not fair that he was in the rare 3% of patients that suffered a blood pressure complication from the surgery, causing doctors to perform an emergency procedure to keep him alive.
It was not fair that procedure broke some of the calcification in his heart valve, causing the tiny grains of sand to be thrown into his bloodstream, like thousands of miniature seashells being cast into the ocean of life.
It was not fair that those seashells came to rest at the base of his brain stem, the single most vital part of the nervous system, blocking the oxygen flow and shutting off all of his motor abilities aside from the most basic, primordial reflexes of breathing and blinking.
It was not fair that doctors were unable to detect the severity of the stroke until days later, when it was far too late to take action, and it eventually consumed his life.
But life isn't fair, and even though seemingly the entire universe was praying for him at his most vulnerable time, God had other plans and we accept that. One of the many, many heartfelt messages I've gotten from friends stated an analogy that makes perfect sense.
"Why do the good people always seem to go before they're ready? When we pick flowers, we always pick the most beautiful ones." My dad was one handsome flower.
Besides being the single strongest positive influence in my life and someone I relied on so much for advice and wisdom, Dad was one of the most loving, supportive, selfless human beings on Earth. He helped so many people through tough, dark times with guidance counseling and ministry, and would never ask for anything in return. He made so many sacrifices for my sister and I as we were growing up, everything he did, he did for us. He was the glue that held our family together, even to this day.
He taught me how to give back in life, and he's one of the main reasons I'm so active in the furry fandom, helping inspire people to to good and bring joy to others through my video work, organizing meets, hosting panels at conventions and starting my own nonprofit organization. My dad was supportive from day one, spending hours with me doing photo shoots every time I got a new fursuit, and even taking video at the first When Furballs Strike meet, which ended up growing to being the largest furry bowling meet on the planet. I remember how proud he was as a father when he found out I was named Guest of Honor at Biggest Little Fur Con in 2014.
I thought it was fitting that on the Fourth of July, my dad would claim his independence from the physical world and enter the spiritual. Every time I watched the chilling and powerful Mufasa's Ghost scene in the Lion King movie, or the musical, I would put myself in Simba's place and wonder what it would be like to lose your father and have to seek him for guidance from up above. I hoped I wouldn't have to experience that for a long time, but never did I think I would find out so soon.
Thanks for everything Dad. I am so sorry for the pain you were put through in your last moments on this Earth. You didn't deserve to leave us so soon, but you are going to be with the Lord and continue your work (and your beautiful garden) in Heaven. Love you so much,
Your son,
Tim
Category Fursuiting / Fursuit
Species Lion
Size 1137 x 691px
File Size 497.3 kB
In the brief time that it took for these terrible events to unfold, you were still able to tell your Father how many of your furry friends were hoping for him to come out of this alright. Your Father had a moment to appreciate that so many people all over the world — including people who he had never met — wanted him to get better. Not all of these furs knew him in person, but they did know you. They knew what a great person his son was, and so they also knew that he must have had a great Father in his life to have raised such a fine son. It is a credit to his own character as a parent and as a person. *hugs*
Your tribute sounds a lot like the kind of tribute I would write when the time comes around that my mother may die. She is, single-handedly, my hero, and she means the absolute world to me! I'd list all of the incredible things she's done here, but I don't want to hod the mike here. Just to say, I REALLY do hope I don;t have to say goodbye to her so early on like you've had to, but I can't control who lives and who dies, so I will undoubtably cherish EVERY SINGLE moment I have with her!
I send you and all of your family my condolences and well-wishes, since your family (and your son) were obviously blessed with one of the most incredible men on earth...! *hugs tight*
I send you and all of your family my condolences and well-wishes, since your family (and your son) were obviously blessed with one of the most incredible men on earth...! *hugs tight*
You and your family have my condolences Kijani. *hugs* I know he is proud to have you as his son and I know he wants you to stay strong for him. I lost my uncle back in 2005 only nine months after him and the rest of my family forced my mom to give me a well deserved graduation party when I graduated from high school since my mom was a well known liar and treated me and my siblings like crap and lied about giving me a party. I never got to thank him for giving me something happy for the first time ever.
Wonderful tribute to your dad Kajani, you have my heart felt condolences. I understand your feelings because of the loss of mine a couple of years ago. It's a kick to the heart strings to say the least. The best we can do is try to move forward, it's not going to be easy.
Blessings to you and the rest of your family may the God and Goddess sooth your hearts in the days ahead.
Kristine
Blessings to you and the rest of your family may the God and Goddess sooth your hearts in the days ahead.
Kristine
Take solace in the fact he will still watch over you, and though he has left this dreary physical world, you will one day rejoin him. He most certainly was a great man, a good apple in a bad batch, and a sharp knife in a dull drawer.
I wish the best for you, your sister, and all of your kin.
Lest we forget
I wish the best for you, your sister, and all of your kin.
Lest we forget
That was such a heartfelt read Kijani. You were truely blessed with such a kind and loving father. I know you, your family, and friends will miss this wonderful man so dearly. Hats off to you for putting such a well written and telling write up here together in your darkest hours. Take care my fellow fur!
Hey its me again i hope i dont get on your nerves i just wanted to say that im sorry again. I know that nobody can say or do anything to really make the pain go away but i can still hope that it helps a little. If you ever need or want to talk to somebody im here and If you do i could note you my phone number If you want. I know how badly i wanted somebody to talk to when my great grandmother passed. I wanted so say thank you as well for reading and responding to my other comment, it means alot to me.Im not realy smart most of the time but when i go through pain i see it as getting a scar. Every time something hurts you, you get another scar. Some scars may be deeper than others but in time they fade. But they are still there, there might not hurt as much as they once did but they can truely never be forgotten. Im sorry if this whole thing sounds corny or stupid. But if it helps then im glad. just let me know if you need anything , ok?
:love
Kala
:love
Kala
Wow... my condolences to you and your family.
You have made me think... I really don't have a good father-son relationship, there are things between us that sometimes collide too much but... I love him, my mind screams saying that I need him and I want to change to be a better son and also I wish he would change. I would like to trust him to be able to talk to him openly about what is happening in my life and for him to advise me.
I WANT THE LAST THING MY FATHER TO REMEMBER BEFORE HE LEFT IS THAT I LOVE HIM, and that after everything we've been through... in the end we managed to be more united.
maybe it wasn't the right place to say it... but thanks for listening and inspiring me
Your dad must be very proud of you!
You have made me think... I really don't have a good father-son relationship, there are things between us that sometimes collide too much but... I love him, my mind screams saying that I need him and I want to change to be a better son and also I wish he would change. I would like to trust him to be able to talk to him openly about what is happening in my life and for him to advise me.
I WANT THE LAST THING MY FATHER TO REMEMBER BEFORE HE LEFT IS THAT I LOVE HIM, and that after everything we've been through... in the end we managed to be more united.
maybe it wasn't the right place to say it... but thanks for listening and inspiring me
Your dad must be very proud of you!
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