I like the short intros at the beginning of the story as it sums up the thing's you've been going through rather quickly. Though I feel revealing it slowly throughout the page instead of in those two paragraphs might have been a little easier on the flow of your circumstances.

I think you use power to much in the third paragraph of the first page, seems too redundant: "the power itself" "strength so powerful" renounce all fear of the power" I think the picture is pretty clear

I can understand you asking yourself questions but the way you word it, it's as if you're asking the audience. I kinda feel that takes away from the focus of he story or at least it sorta takes us out of what's happening at the moment

Check the last paragraph of the first page and the beginning of the second. There're two grammar errors: "my, my lip oozed" and "but highly likely" I just dont think those words flow

The fighting was awesome.... enough said about that!

I was wondering why the murderous intent was silent throughout the fight scene. So you made it that your prior combat experience and growing confidence in yourself since the memories of self defense returned was enough to keep it from taking over?

I like the bonding between you and Nate as well as that little side trip you made with the idiots working who tries to mock you
(Wish we had bonded that well in our rp)

The faded words of Nate that slowly grew in the font was clever, you used it nicely

It's funny how you thought this wasn't breaking and entering but when you saw the janitor with music on, you called yourself a thief since you're still going to take the jewel

I like your analysis of technology. Irl do you keep this balance that Shu is doing?

Again, another fine read! You really have a talent for these types of stories. I still ask to write me a story with my sona. You vast array of knowledge in this field is far greater than mine

I normally use times new Roman with 12 font size for my documents. Is there a reason yours is smaller and uses Arial? Is it easier to write for you?

I can see good judgement and alertness in your critique. The font size and speed of the story comes from me wanting to fit so much in one chapter and not make it seem extensively long, along with mimicking the reality of chaos like that happening so fast. I try to balance real life with technology. But Lang Shu's a different story from me, an old-school newcomer into the modern world is an engaging theme for me. My technology goes as far as a flip-open cell phone and a model 2012 laptop, no iPods, touch screens, or anything. And I'm not addicted to it at the worst of times. The only thing keeping the Satsui no Hadou from festering in Lang Shu is his hesitance to fight Fei Long, as opposed to his spitefulness of Scarlet in Chapter I. And fighting itself, wanting to end a battle as painless as possible, starts to help him recover the teachings and principles of his unique martial art. Thanks again for your invaluable insight, and I'll be happy to write a story of you if you note me with the details.