So if I survive then I'll see you tomorrow.
Yes I'll see you tomorrow.

There is so much I wanted to say. I spent the entire time drawing it trying to think of what the description for this piece should be. I hate torturing my characters, I really do, because each and every one of them is a piece of me and tormenting them is the same as tormenting myself, but something's wrong. Drawing this picture caused me physical pain. My heart hurt and huge feelings of dread, yet I had to finish it. Maybe it's because I made Chaz a little bit to much like me, an artist, a fun loving guy, that just started worrying about expectations. Someone that lives their life acting strong and confident and trying to help others without paying much attention to their own well being. Someone that never once believed in them self because a dad that pushed them down, granted, Max didn't mean for that to happen.

I don't really flesh out my characters myself. They do. Dreams, Nightmares, situations that call them, everything, their story writes itself and I just piece it together. I've been stuck in nightmares latley and they are fleshing out Chaz. Chaz is psychotic. He can barely separate his world from the real world. He doesn't want to be there, but he can not dissapear as long as he would leave one person that would miss him. It would be so much easier if everyone just ignored him and let him vanish, but he's stuck, but his need from an escape is so strong he doesn't remember if he's Chaz or Jax. He's tried rationalizing everything. His life is peaceful. Other than a few bullies he has nothing to worry about. Nothing to be sad about, but it doesn't stop him. Even when everything should be fine he is not, no matter how many people are around he is alone, no matter what makes him happy, he questions it. I really want to give Chaz a happy ending, but I never had a character that can hurt me. I can't give him a happy ending. At least not as long as I am how I am. I understand his point of view and personality way to well to ever promise anything good, because even though I do believe things will get better I have now been waiting 23 years for my "things will get better" and it never lasts long.

Another thing that changed for Chaz is his Theme Song is no longer Dead by My Chemical Romance, though he still loves that song. It's Bullet by Hollywood Undead since it is upbeat as fuck but the lyrics them self are not.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lP077RitNAc