Narrator: Oh, a dark and stormy night. It's nights like these that remind me of the time Mrs.Cake and Pinkie Pie thought they killed the health inspector. [laughs evilly. Stormy night becomes calm day] It was a bright and sunny morning. [scene cuts to Sugarcube Corner where a pony drives up and stops in front of the restaurant. The scene zooms into his badge that reads 'Health Inspector']



Mrs.Cake: [Taking a bath in bits] Ah...That smells like... [gasps] ...the health inspector! [Mrs.Cake runs up to Pinkie Pie in a yellow towel] Wash your hooves, clean the floors, change your underwear! The health inspector's here! [both are peeking out the kitchen window at the health inspector, who is writing on a clipboard] If he finds one health violation, he'll close us down for good. We've got to do everything in our power to make sure he passes Sugarcube Corner.


Pinkie Pie: But Mrs.Cake, there's no reason to worry. [eyes widen] Sugarcube Corner is the most perfect place in the universe.



Mrs.Cake: You really haven't got any brains at all, have you, Pinkie? [pushes Pinkie Pie out the door] Just go out there and give him what he needs. Pour on the charm. Sweet talk him. [Pinkie Pie walks up to the health inspector, who is still writing on his clipboard at the table]


Pinkie Pie: What can I get for you...handsome?

Mrs.Cake: [slaps forehead] We're doomed.


Health Inspector: I'm going to need you to bring me one of everything on the menu.
Pinkie Pie: [walking backwards back into the kitchen] Excellent choice, my darling. Coming right up! [Pinkie Pie enters the kitchen, where Cup Cake waits] He wants one of everything.


Mrs.Cake: Then we'll give him a smorgasbord! [holds up a tray of a cupcake, a drink, some apple slices, and candy bars] The future of Sugarcube Corner is at stake! [Pinkie Pie and Mrs.Cake run up to the health inspector]



Pinkie Pie: Try the Super Sugar Strawberry Cake, sir! [stuffs it in the inspectors mouth]
Mrs.Cake: The Zap apple spice muffins are a touch of heaven. [stuffs it in the inspectors mouth]
Pinkie Pie: The Powdered blueberry donuts are exquisite. [stuffs it in the inspectors mouth]
Mrs.Cake: Fresh Caramel Pudding? [stuffs it in the inspectors mouth]
Pinkie Pie: More Red Velvet Cake? [stuffs it in the inspectors mouth]
Mrs.Cake: Some Lemon cupcake surprise? [stuffs it in the inspectors mouth]
Health Inspector: Please, fillies! [swallows all the food in his mouth] Leave me to finish my work in peace. [clicks his pen, which is actually a fork that comes out. Later, the health inspector has eaten everything on the table]

Pinkie Pie: And did the voluptuous inspector enjoy his meal?
Health Inspector: [writes on his clipboard] So far, so good. I just need to try a Super Duper Strawberry Sugar Master Cupcake and my inspection will be finished.
Pinkie Pie: [open kitchen door] He says if he gets one more Super Duper Strawberry Sugar Master Cupcake, he'll pass us for the inspection!
Mrs.Cake: [picks up Pinkie Pie] Do you know what this means, Pinkie? We're in the clear! [both dance off then leapfrog over each other, across the screen then do the can-can in dresses until a news report comes on tv]
A. Realistic Horse Head: We interrupt this can-can for a special news bulletin. Be on the lookout for a Stallion who's been passing himself off as a health inspector in order to obtain free food. That's all for now. [Mrs.Cake gets angry]
Mrs.Cake: FRRRRREEEEEEE FOOOOOOOOOD?!


Pinkie Pie: Maybe we oughta tell our guy about the phony impostor.
Mrs.Cake: You loony loofah, he is the impostor! We've been duped!
Pinkie Pie: Duped!
Mrs.Cake: Bamboozled!
Pinkie Pie: We've been speckledorfed!
Mrs.Cake: That's not even a word, and I agree with ya! [both look through the kitchen window at the health inspector, who is wiping his mouth off, finishing his drink, and cleaning his teeth with a toothpick] Look at him. I bet he never changes his underwear.
Pinkie Pie: I bet he bites Hydra bubbles.
Mrs.Cake: I bet his mom bought him that hat. [holds up a Super Duper Strawberry Sugar Master Cupcake] If that imposter wants a Super Duper Strawberry Sugar Master Cupcake, then by Celestia, we'll give him one. [flicks the sprinkles off and puts a some volcano sauce on the Super Duper Strawberry Sugar Master Cupcake] You're dancin' with the Cake Mare now! Join me, girl, or you're fired!



Pinkie Pie: It doesn't seem right... [holds up a bottle of Horse radish] ...but it feels so good! [dumps a spoonful on the Super Duper Strawberry Sugar Master Cupcake] Horse radish: the gnarliest stuff in Equestria.
Mrs.Cake: Ohh, hold on, I've got a ton of dragon nail clippings in my office! [runs off as Pinkie Pie drops the Super Duper Strawberry Sugar Master Cupcake in the toilet]
Pinkie Pie: Oops, I dropped it in the toilet! [Mrs.Cake runs in with a smelly sock]
Mrs.Cake: Well, fish it out, and I'll dry it with my gym socks! [scene cuts to showing a disgusting Cupcake with what appears to be pimples and green rotten icing] Why that's the most diabolical Cupcake ever spawned! [both are wearing clothespins on their noses]
Pinkie Pie: I call it the 'Nasty Cupcake'. [both laugh]

Health Inspector: Hey, hurry up with that Cupcake! [Pinkie Pie runs in with the Cupcake]
Pinkie Pie: [speaking quickly] Here you go sir, enjoy. [runs back into the kitchen]
Health Inspector: Ah, hello, delicious. Come to papa. [a fly flies into his throat. He starts to choke]
Mrs.Cake: [listening from the kitchen] Listen, he ate it! [both look out from the kitchen window] Oh, look at him choke! [both laugh] Look at him suffer! [both keep laughing. Health inspector slips on some packets of condiments and bangs his head on the table. Mrs.Cake and Pinkie Pie are still laughing. Another TV bulletin comes on]
A. Realistic Horse Head: We interrupt your laughter at other ponies expense to bring you this news flash. The fake inspector has been captured. Here is his picture. [picture is shown on the tv] If a health inspector comes to your restaurant and he's not this guy, he's real.
Pinkie Pie: Phew, that's a relief, eh, Mrs.Cake? I'm sure our guy will understand if we just explain the situation. Then we can all have a good laugh about it.
Mrs.Cake: [gasps] I don't think he'll be laughin', girl.
Pinkie Pie: Why, Mrs.Cake?
Mrs.Cake: Because that Cupcake killed him! [both scream, check the inspector again, then scream again]


Pinkie Pie: Mrs.Cake, what are we gonna do?
Mrs.Cake: What's this "we" stuff? You fed him the tainted Cupcake. Looks like it's the stony lonesome for you!
Pinkie Pie: But you told me to give it to him!
Mrs.Cake: Well, you could've talked me out of it!
Pinkie Pie: You're right, Mrs.Cake, I'm guilty. I'll never survive in prison, they'll mop up the floor with me. [Mrs.Cake grabs her]
Mrs.Cake: Get a hold of yourself, girl. We've got to get rid of this body before anypony sees it. We've got to take it out and bury it. [scene cuts to Pinkie Pie and Mrs.Cake on a muddy hill. Pinkie Pie is dragging the body by a tissue and is constantly spraying it with disinfectant] This should be far enough. Now get diggin'! [hooves over a shovel to Pinkie Pie]


Pinkie Pie: Yes, mam. [while digging a big hole, her shovel hits something]
Mrs.Cake: What's the holdup down there?
Pinkie Pie: There's a big rock in the way!
Mrs.Cake: Well toss it out and get back to diggin'!
Pinkie Pie: [salutes] Okey Dokey Lokey, mam! [tosses the huge rock behind her]
Health Inspector: Uhh, where am I? [rock hits him in the head knocking him out again]
Mrs.Cake: Somethin' ain't quite right.


Pinkie Pie: What do you mean, Mrs.Cake? [health inspectors head is out of the ground]
Mrs.Cake: His head's stickin' out! [Pinkie Pie covers his head with more sand]
Pinkie Pie: Sorry, Mrs.Cake. I thought he might need some air.
Mrs.Cake: They don't need air where he's going.
Pinkie Pie: Shouldn't we say a few words on his behalf?
Mrs.Cake: Uhh, he was a credit to health inspectors everywhere, and, uhh...
Pinkie Pie: [bawling] What a brave Stallion, going in the line of duty like that! Why? Why? Why?! [Mrs.Cake grabs Pinkie Pie]
Mrs.Cake: Listen here, my little pony. No pony, and I mean no pony, can ever know about this. It'll be the end of you, it'll be the end of me, and worst of all, it'll be the end of me.

Officer Lyra: [shines a flashlight on them] Stop right where you are! I'm afraid we're going to have to arrest the two of you! [Pinkie Pie hangs on Mrs.Cake]
Pinkie Pie: Mrs.Cake, I'm too young to go to jail! [Mrs.Cake covers her mouth]
Mrs.Cake: And what would be the charges?
Officer Lyra: For not being at Sugarcube Corner to whip us up a couple of dee-licious Super Duper Strawberry Sugar Master Cupcakes! [both police officer ponies laugh. Mrs.Cake laughs nervously]
Mrs.Cake: Laugh, girl. [Pinkie Pie laughs. It rains. The rain makes the health inspector slide down the hill]
Officer Bonbon/SweetieDrops: Put that muddy shovel in the trunk and we'll give you a ride back. [Pinkie Pie is still laughing until Mrs.Cake hits her. Mrs.Cake opens the trunk and Pinkie Pie puts the shovel in it]
Mrs.Cake: Pinkie Pie, listen carefully. We're just getting a lift back to Sugarcube Corner. I need you to stay calm and don't lose your cool. Understand. [Pinkie Pie looks down]
Pinkie Pie: Can I lose my cool now?
Mrs.Cake: Why? [Pinkie Pie points to the health inspector, who is now down the hill. Both scream and Mrs.Cake grabs the body and gives it to Pinkie Pie] Put it in the trunk, girl! I'll keep them cops busy!
Officer Lyra: What's the holdup back there? [Mrs.Cake starts talking to her as a distraction]

Pinkie Pie: Oh, Sweet Celestia, get away! [throws the inspector in the trunk then sprays herself with disinfectant. Slams the trunk on the health inspector, who was waking up] Ahem. Ok, all set back here. Nothing unusual about a muddy shovel in the trunk. [laughs nervously]
Mrs.Cake: All set! [Pinkie Pie slides in almost motionlessly]
Officer Bonbon: You ok there, little fella?
Mrs.Cake: Oh, she gets carsick real easy.
Officer Lyra: Well buckle up and we'll drive real smooth-like. [drives off]
Mrs.Cake: Now listen, Pinkie Pie, when we get to Sugarcube Corner, I want you to take that [winks] shovel and bring it around to the back entrance and stuff...err, I mean, stow it in the freezer. Understand?
Pinkie Pie: I understand, Mrs.Cake, but what do you want me to do with the bo...
Mrs.Cake: [puts hoof on Pinkie Pie's mounth to get her to be quiet] ...ttles of soda! Same thing, put 'em in the freezer. [Bonbon stares at them funny. Mrs.Cake and Pinkie Pie laugh. Scene cuts to Sugarcube Corner where Pinkie Pie is bringing the body to the back]

Pinkie Pie: Oh man, this is so gross! [tries the handle on the door but there is a lock] The back door is locked. What am I gonna do? [scene cuts to inside Sugarcube Corner. Pinkie Pie enters with a big hat where the health inspector is in it]
Mrs.Cake: hey there, Pinkie Pie! I thought you were out back taking care of that shovel! [twitches & winks her eyes]
Pinkie Pie: Well, the back door was locked, so I came around here. [his hat sags over, and Pinkie Pie puts it back in position] So if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go put my hat in the freezer now. [walks to the kitchen very carefully]
Mrs.Cake: Okey dokey, Pinkie Pie!
Officer Lyra: Is that girl ok?
Officer Bonbon: She's acting a little funny.
Mrs.Cake: Funny? Oh, yeah! [laughs] She's a real cutup, that one. She knows how to keep the growing stages! Good one, girl! Always on, that one, there's no off on her funny switch! [laughs. Pinkie Pie is trying to get through a door but her hat is too big] Oh, look, I almost forgot, it's 'Open Bits Register' night! First two customers get all the bits in the Bits register! [hooves out the bits. Pinkie Pie gets her hat inside the kitchen]
Policemare Lyra: [listens to her walkie-talkie] Eighty-six of those cupcakes, Mrs.Cake. We just got a call about two ghouls burying a stiff over by Shallow Hay Road.
Officer Bonbon: I want a soda. [Mrs.Cake gives her one]
Mrs.Cake: Here's your soda! Always a pleasure to serve the Ponies in blue. Well, goodbye now!
Officer Bonbon: Hey, there's no ice!
Mrs.Cake: [nervous] Ice? Ice? You want ice? Is that what you want? You want ice? Is that what you want? [Pinkie Pie slides on screen]
Pinkie Pie: The dark deed you requested is done, sir.
Officer Bonbon: [walks to the kitchen] I'll get it myself. Ice is in the freezer, right? [Mrs.Cake runs to block the freezer door]
Mrs.Cake: There is no ice! There's never been any ice. Ice is just a myth.
Officer Bonbon: Step aside. You ponies act like you've committed a murder.
Mrs.Cake: Ok, I confess! [points to Pinkie Pie] Pinkie Pie killed him!
Pinkie Pie: What? You can't pin this whole rap on me!
Mrs.Cake: She was insane! Out of control! She would've killed me too if you two hadn't come along.
Pinkie Pie: It was all Mrs.Cake's idea.
Mrs.Cake: Put her down now! She's a mad dog!
Pinkie Pie: She wears a ballet tutu to bed!
Mrs.Cake: Wait! It's not what you think!
Officer Bonbon: What are you two talking about?
Mrs.Cake: We killed the health inspector! Buried him and then stuffed his body in the freezer!
Officer Bonbon: You mean in here? [opens the freezer but it's empty]
Mrs.Cake: It's empty?
Officer Bonbon: Is this some kind of a joke?
Mrs.Cake: Yeah...a joke! [Pinkie Pie giggles]
Officer Bonbon: Say, maybe he turned into a zombie and walked out. [everyone laughs. Just then a pony walks up moaning]
Pinkie Pie: [screams] IT'S THE ZOMBIE!!! [the inspector turns the lights on]
Health Inspector: Hey, you guys...
Officer Lyra: [hits the inspector with an anchor] Take that, you zombie! [inspector now has a huge bump on his head]
Officer Bonbon: I'll take it from here. [hits the inspector with a barrel] Die, zombie!
Officer Lyra: Good police work, officer Bonbon. Hey, this guy's not a zombie. He's just an ordinary health inspector.
Health Inspector: Yes. And at the risk of being hit again, I'd like to present you with this. [gives Mrs.Cake and Pinkie Pie a note with the word 'pass' on it checked]
Pinkie Pie: Hey, Mrs.Cake, look. We passed the inspection!
Everyone: Hooray! [everyone walks out of the kitchen]
Mrs.Cake: Come on, everypony. Cupcakes at half price! Well, not really.
Health Inspector: [inspector tries to crawl out] Oh boy, I'd like a Cupca... [door slams in his face. Scene cuts to above water where its stormy again]
Narrator: Well, that's the story. Yes, they are all idiots, aren't they

The End