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More from KidKaz
Re-write of a story I did a long time ago, updated to fit in with my current 'verse.
Try to think of it as a Sin-City styled comic when you read it. Lots of white and black shadows and splotches of color occasionally used for dramatic emphasis.
The original was very similar to the opening scene of Casino Royale. I tried to change it up a bit with this version.
Try to think of it as a Sin-City styled comic when you read it. Lots of white and black shadows and splotches of color occasionally used for dramatic emphasis.
The original was very similar to the opening scene of Casino Royale. I tried to change it up a bit with this version.
Category Story / Anime
Species Unspecified / Any
Size 50 x 50px
File Size 6 kB
Mechanics-wise, much better! Easily readable, well spaced, clearly identifying whom is the person talking.
Plot-wise, I'm not sure. The assassin seems to be something of a deus-ex-machina, and I don't know about how the whole thing ended either.
Destroying a whole building just to kill one person? Tacky and unnecessarily noticable. I'd just have had a dart filled with something toxic that won't show up on most scanners. A dart that completely breaks down after coming into contact with human blood, so that it leaves no traces either. One that can be fired out of aforementioned sniper rifle.
A few questions:
1) How did the hologram device get into the building? If the assassin placed it there, she can also leave the window open (mention something about the breeze fluttering the curtains) so it's easier to just snipe him rather than having to go through glass.
2) Why burn down the building and why reduce the whole thing to slag? That much heat is going to have some transferrence, you might end up starting a city-wide fire with that kind of heat. Bad for business. It might also destroy incriminating evidence, not to mention finding out who he is selling information to.
Plot-wise, I'm not sure. The assassin seems to be something of a deus-ex-machina, and I don't know about how the whole thing ended either.
Destroying a whole building just to kill one person? Tacky and unnecessarily noticable. I'd just have had a dart filled with something toxic that won't show up on most scanners. A dart that completely breaks down after coming into contact with human blood, so that it leaves no traces either. One that can be fired out of aforementioned sniper rifle.
A few questions:
1) How did the hologram device get into the building? If the assassin placed it there, she can also leave the window open (mention something about the breeze fluttering the curtains) so it's easier to just snipe him rather than having to go through glass.
2) Why burn down the building and why reduce the whole thing to slag? That much heat is going to have some transferrence, you might end up starting a city-wide fire with that kind of heat. Bad for business. It might also destroy incriminating evidence, not to mention finding out who he is selling information to.
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