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The Higgs Coefficient: Chapter I
So after a positive review of my crude writing skill, I'm going to try writing a macro story for once. In the wee hours of the morning, I managed to scrawl out this scrap of story-intro that's been rattling around in my mind for some time. If you've done any writing, please feel free to proofread/suggest/point out some tweaks that might emphasize or strengthen the style. If not, feel free to comment on whatever ya like/dislike.
I'm planning on making this a growth/destruction/sexual rampage all the way up to planetary level, over time, and suggestions on specific 'things' for her to do or attempt would be appreciated as well ;)
I'm planning on making this a growth/destruction/sexual rampage all the way up to planetary level, over time, and suggestions on specific 'things' for her to do or attempt would be appreciated as well ;)
Category Story / Macro / Micro
Species Otter
Size 120 x 114px
File Size 11.7 kB
I like the way you've built things up! The premise is interesting, though being roommates with a guy who works with particle accelerators for a living I have to admit my teeth itched a little when you got into specifics. :D
The things you might want to pay attention to in future chapters is description and dialogue. Really flowery prose to describe things is nice, if you use it sparingly. You want to save the best and most detailed stuff for images you really want to stick in the mind of the reader. Basically, the bare bones will do unless it reveals something about the character or the tone of the story that you'd like to divulge. If you write everything with a lot of detail, eventually people will get bored and start to skim.
With the dialogue, you might want to read the lines aloud to see how they sound. A lot of the time (this is true for me as well) dialogue looks better than it sounds. The great thing about it, though, is that when you get it down it helps you cement the character really well. One exercise that helps me a lot is saying the same piece of information (something like "Timmy's in the back room looking at porn!") through different characters -- a disapproving grandmother, Timmy's best friend, his sister, an escaped convict. ;) Figure out how to use the words they say to establish how they sound, and what you can tell about their background.
I hope these suggestions help instead of annoy. ;) Good stuff so far!
-J
The things you might want to pay attention to in future chapters is description and dialogue. Really flowery prose to describe things is nice, if you use it sparingly. You want to save the best and most detailed stuff for images you really want to stick in the mind of the reader. Basically, the bare bones will do unless it reveals something about the character or the tone of the story that you'd like to divulge. If you write everything with a lot of detail, eventually people will get bored and start to skim.
With the dialogue, you might want to read the lines aloud to see how they sound. A lot of the time (this is true for me as well) dialogue looks better than it sounds. The great thing about it, though, is that when you get it down it helps you cement the character really well. One exercise that helps me a lot is saying the same piece of information (something like "Timmy's in the back room looking at porn!") through different characters -- a disapproving grandmother, Timmy's best friend, his sister, an escaped convict. ;) Figure out how to use the words they say to establish how they sound, and what you can tell about their background.
I hope these suggestions help instead of annoy. ;) Good stuff so far!
-J
I would call your writing skills better than crude.
Jakebe has given you some very good advice. Don't drown the reader in detail, but make sure the images you really want to convey are well detailed.
And since this is going to be a macro story eventually I would suggest you avoid using just statements of she/he is "X feet tall" to describe his or her height. It's okay to do that, but give the reader something else to compare the height to every once and a while.
Jakebe has given you some very good advice. Don't drown the reader in detail, but make sure the images you really want to convey are well detailed.
And since this is going to be a macro story eventually I would suggest you avoid using just statements of she/he is "X feet tall" to describe his or her height. It's okay to do that, but give the reader something else to compare the height to every once and a while.
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