So...

I was watching  baroncoon artstream on the 13th, and Lauren Faust's appearance on a panel at EQLA came up. The full write-up is here, http://www.equestriadaily.com/2015/.....-coverage.html. Most of it was touched upon in the stream. Short summary, one of her friends asked her how she felt since she hasn't had much success with projects since MLP. (Paraphrased). She admitted she felt like she wasn't missed, and she has a lot more self-doubt now.

Her answer astounds me. The room was astounded, and apparently started cheering her name. I really can't even imagine a 'what have you done for me lately?' question even applying. It's like asking Neil Armstrong what he's been up to since the moon. It doesn't matter. Went to the moon - CHECK. Lifetime Achievement unlocked. Came back from the dead - CHECK. I've got characters and stories I've never managed to successfully launch and get traction, all these plans that just die or go into slow-mo as whatever energy is drained fighting uphill in my day job. (Which I should quit - but... don't). She's been through all of it, like some kind of creative war-veteran, against the worst sort of Foe: Aging Corporate <strike>assholes</strike) Businessmen from the 80's. She set this spark, planted so many creative seeds and it took off in all directions. It's kind of humbling that she could be so successful and at the same time still insecure, very humanizing.

There was some talk about how EqD was going to collect a bunch of art for her, and also how the room cheered her. I thought the art was a neat idea. Not that she would need any validation from me, but maybe doing a picture for her would be the 'supporting' thing to do. I also asked Noben to do a picture for her, which is here: http://noben.deviantart.com/art/Bus.....corn-561470221

Mine, took a lot longer to come out a lot worse. Over a week. And, without making it all about me, one of the reasons I sympathize and perhaps understand how Lauren could have a blindspot is that my headspace isn't that fun. First, I'll have an errant thought, about a flaw, then I'll pick at it, examine it from all angles, decide the scratch is really a crack, the crack really a chasm, and then fall into it and drown in the depths of ineptitude. It seems I can unwind anything into messy entrails. Nothing is ever good enough.

For me, this is one of the first pictures I've done that was fully digital. There was even an 'a-ha' moment while using one of the PaintSai brushers, where an effect I'd been wondering about was obvious. To turn it around, from impulse to complete in just under a week is amazing for me and how I procrastinate.

And yet, I've been staring at it for a week now, not wanting to upload it. I've decided it's stupid, and sucks. Whatever Sethiso was doing, or going to do, he sent replied back when i sent him the picture essentially 'maybe later'. I've seen some fans saying ... unkind things about her. If she's got demons like I've got mine, things that won't make her feel better.

Anyhow, so. Afraid to upload, afraid I'll get told something I don't want to hear. Or, that I'll hear nothing. Or I don't know. To just say "I really understand how success can still feel like failure - and it sucks - and I'm sorry you have to feel it too." Because I feel like the Goddess Image cracked at that panel, and revealed evidence behind of how unhappy she might have been, might still be. I don't know if her absence, the time it's been since she's had a hand (hoof) in the show has a correspondence to my waning interest, or if it was a combination of other things like Derpygate and estrangement from various pony Mucks, or just fading newness. But I miss that spark, that OMG from a few years go. I miss Faust.

She gave everyone who wanted one a pony. She deserves to be happier. She deserves to be a lot happier than I feel on the average day, and from what she revealed to careful probing, I wonder and suspect that maybe she isn't. I hope this helps. I hope someone does a much better job than I can.