What happened to me:

It's been... One year, that I don't say I draw anymore.

After a very long fight,I have came down with severe depression. Depression is a true sickness albeit misunderstood. It affects the brain, thus influences the whole body and the individual's capacity to think... And do art. Hormonal production is for example one of the mechanisms altered by depression. In recent years, thanks to brain imagery, depression is better studied, as it has been found that there are physical symptoms, in the form mostly of the hypothalamus shrinking in size, and affecting the victim's perception of events and his brain chemistry.

For long depressions, the hypothalamus is found to shrink sometimes down from 25%. The hypothalamus is reactive to treatment, and will slowly grow back to its original size under the influence of behavioral cognitive treatment and antidepressants. A process that takes years.

Victims of depression look like you...And me. They behave usually normally, and when there is a visible behavioral symptom, are often accused of something else: laziness,self-pity... They are generally misunderstood and disregarded, their explanations being dismissed as excuses, a fact often cited as being the worst part of the disease; depression is responsible of many break-ups and loss of relationships. A depression is a tough time for both the depressed and his entourage. Attempting to support a depressed person is a heavy, taxing endeavor.

You'll never know the pain of seeing the teacher think you're a student that doesn't care when you say you haven't read the book. While in fact, you just didn't find in yourself to care. Because you don't manage to care about anything else. Getting up is hard. Doing anything but your routine, centered around instant gratification, is hard. Lately,I've had some asshole attack me on the fact I say I'm so serious about art but "you draw like, once a month". You'll never know the pain of this. This person was a healthy human that was not coping with depression.

Depression, being a brain sickness, affecting emotions, affecting your general health, affects your art. Some artists manage to cope with it. Some really don't.




Some just can't draw anymore, no matter what they try. Some people just can't do work at all anymore.




This sketch dump features Berti's character who is into mine.




Fuck you.