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Behold, my ~NEW~ poem! =O
This particular piece of poetic verse was greatly inspired by
Enydimon's and 
yamilink's beautiful and vividly colored ballroom-dance-collab pics. I was very fortunate to stumble onto Enydimon's page (his page has the pics). x3
*IF YOU WISH TO GET THE FULL EMOTIONAL EFFECT OF THIS PIECE, I'D HIGHLY SUGGEST CHECKING OUT THOSE PICS.*
*NOTE: The Sun is Enydimon (wolf) and the Moon is the blond dragon-girl, Korzel (Yami's character).
These 3 in particular are what really got my mind going:
1.) Tango - http://www.furaffinity.net/view/1182437/ (favorite one) ^^
2.) Foxtrot - http://www.furaffinity.net/view/1310677/
3.) Waltz - http://www.furaffinity.net/view/1245690/
Also, I must thank
moonlit_wolf714, 
TwilightRat and another non-furry friend of mine in Florida for helping me resolve some minor grammatical issues! *hugs all of you* (Thanks guys!) =D
Note: I am an avid user of metaphors and other descriptive methods, and some of the ones I've used may be hard to understand. So I'll give you all a few of my translations:
1.) "raggish tune" = ragtime
2.) "Taurus comes to break the bond" = a complex reference to the (paso doble); a dance that is modeled after the sound, drama and movement of the Spanish bullfight; Taurus is the "bull" constellation
3.) "pas de deux" = a French term in ballet referring to a duet performance
There you have it folks!
Enjoy! =3
*The thumbnail pic above is copyright enydimon and yamilink*
This particular piece of poetic verse was greatly inspired by
Enydimon's and 
yamilink's beautiful and vividly colored ballroom-dance-collab pics. I was very fortunate to stumble onto Enydimon's page (his page has the pics). x3*IF YOU WISH TO GET THE FULL EMOTIONAL EFFECT OF THIS PIECE, I'D HIGHLY SUGGEST CHECKING OUT THOSE PICS.*
*NOTE: The Sun is Enydimon (wolf) and the Moon is the blond dragon-girl, Korzel (Yami's character).
These 3 in particular are what really got my mind going:
1.) Tango - http://www.furaffinity.net/view/1182437/ (favorite one) ^^
2.) Foxtrot - http://www.furaffinity.net/view/1310677/
3.) Waltz - http://www.furaffinity.net/view/1245690/
Also, I must thank
moonlit_wolf714, 
TwilightRat and another non-furry friend of mine in Florida for helping me resolve some minor grammatical issues! *hugs all of you* (Thanks guys!) =DNote: I am an avid user of metaphors and other descriptive methods, and some of the ones I've used may be hard to understand. So I'll give you all a few of my translations:
1.) "raggish tune" = ragtime
2.) "Taurus comes to break the bond" = a complex reference to the (paso doble); a dance that is modeled after the sound, drama and movement of the Spanish bullfight; Taurus is the "bull" constellation
3.) "pas de deux" = a French term in ballet referring to a duet performance
There you have it folks!
Enjoy! =3
*The thumbnail pic above is copyright
enydimon and yamilink*
Category Poetry / Fantasy
Species Unspecified / Any
Size 120 x 93px
File Size 4.2 kB
Thanks! =3
I had a blast writing it and researching the dances you gave me to work with. It was a challenge incorporating the dances into the flow of the poem, but it all worked out! ^^
I also thought of the visual format of the poem on a whim; the Sun to the left, the Moon to the right, and you both come together in the end......like a dance of two celestial bodies. *getting excited thinking about it* x3
Well, I hope your friend likes it as well. =)
I had a blast writing it and researching the dances you gave me to work with. It was a challenge incorporating the dances into the flow of the poem, but it all worked out! ^^
I also thought of the visual format of the poem on a whim; the Sun to the left, the Moon to the right, and you both come together in the end......like a dance of two celestial bodies. *getting excited thinking about it* x3
Well, I hope your friend likes it as well. =)
Your verse is quite vivid, and the research that you have described certainly elevates the emotional tone of the piece.
What would be supremely interesting to see is how you deal with a more compact form of prose. (For example, "I like a look of agony" short, but crammed with meaning).
Excellent work.
What would be supremely interesting to see is how you deal with a more compact form of prose. (For example, "I like a look of agony" short, but crammed with meaning).
Excellent work.
Thank you very much kithril; I'm glad you enjoyed it! ^^
Now, what's this "compact prose" you mentioned? The example line you gave is indeed quite deep. How should I go about testing myself with this form? (gimme some details please) =3
I'm always up for trying new things, especially with my beloved literary hobby. =P
Now, what's this "compact prose" you mentioned? The example line you gave is indeed quite deep. How should I go about testing myself with this form? (gimme some details please) =3
I'm always up for trying new things, especially with my beloved literary hobby. =P
Aha! I'm glad that you are interested.
To begin, I doubt you want to go as far as that little Ezra Pound poem called "In a station of the metro", however, the poem line that I quoted is from one of my favorite Emily Dickinson poems. As it goes:
I like a look of Agony
I like a look of Agony,
Because I know it's true—
Men do not sham Convulsion,
Nor simulate, a Throe—
The Eyes glaze once—and that is Death—
Impossible to feign
The Beads upon the Forehead
By homely Anguish strung.
Short, sweet, and definitely in the style of Dickinson. My suggestion goes as follows: Find a message. Any message, be it emotional, physical, furry etc. and write what you usually write. A nice long, elegant poem. Then, as a next step, compact the thing into say, fourteen lines or less. I am a huge fan of the Shakespearean sonnet, (Though I cannot write a line to save my life) and it would be impressive to see a long, flowing poem wrought into a sharp, hard hitting sonnet.
Just a few suggestions. I've always wanted to see someone pull this off, but I've never known a poet well enough to wrangle them into taking the time to do this!
Good Luck, if you choose to do this!
To begin, I doubt you want to go as far as that little Ezra Pound poem called "In a station of the metro", however, the poem line that I quoted is from one of my favorite Emily Dickinson poems. As it goes:
I like a look of Agony
I like a look of Agony,
Because I know it's true—
Men do not sham Convulsion,
Nor simulate, a Throe—
The Eyes glaze once—and that is Death—
Impossible to feign
The Beads upon the Forehead
By homely Anguish strung.
Short, sweet, and definitely in the style of Dickinson. My suggestion goes as follows: Find a message. Any message, be it emotional, physical, furry etc. and write what you usually write. A nice long, elegant poem. Then, as a next step, compact the thing into say, fourteen lines or less. I am a huge fan of the Shakespearean sonnet, (Though I cannot write a line to save my life) and it would be impressive to see a long, flowing poem wrought into a sharp, hard hitting sonnet.
Just a few suggestions. I've always wanted to see someone pull this off, but I've never known a poet well enough to wrangle them into taking the time to do this!
Good Luck, if you choose to do this!
Well, it certainly seems like you know your stuff. =D
I've evolved quite a bit thanks to the poetry class I just got finished taking this Fall semester. In fact, I wouldn't know about ANYTHING you're talking about if it were not for it. =P
I can't express my gratefulness to that class. -_-
Anyhoo, I've read many of Shakespeare's sonnets, as well as some of Emily Dickinson's work. To be honest, I'm a furry who just has to rhyme somehow, but I've learned that rhyming isn't everything. Still, I like the pleasant recurring of a sound. ^^
Also, I have learned of meter, and it still pretty much confuses the crap out of me! I know Shakespeare was very particular with his meter, in that ALL of his 154 sonnets used the EXACT same meter. I'm afraid meter is just something I don't pay attention to, a powerful tool as it is. =/
Hmmm, I suppose I could try my hand at a sonnet, though I must tell you that I usually don't like conforming to another format. I like to just let things flow out as they choose, but I love to experiment and playing with words is fun, so I deviate from time to time. =3
I'll see what I can come up with, but don't expect me to conform to a certain meter! I'll shoot for a sonnet that revolves around an OLD poem I wrote a good while back about a mirror. =P
Btw, do you instant message? I'd love to chat with you sometime man! =D
All of my information is on my main page. ^^
I've evolved quite a bit thanks to the poetry class I just got finished taking this Fall semester. In fact, I wouldn't know about ANYTHING you're talking about if it were not for it. =P
I can't express my gratefulness to that class. -_-
Anyhoo, I've read many of Shakespeare's sonnets, as well as some of Emily Dickinson's work. To be honest, I'm a furry who just has to rhyme somehow, but I've learned that rhyming isn't everything. Still, I like the pleasant recurring of a sound. ^^
Also, I have learned of meter, and it still pretty much confuses the crap out of me! I know Shakespeare was very particular with his meter, in that ALL of his 154 sonnets used the EXACT same meter. I'm afraid meter is just something I don't pay attention to, a powerful tool as it is. =/
Hmmm, I suppose I could try my hand at a sonnet, though I must tell you that I usually don't like conforming to another format. I like to just let things flow out as they choose, but I love to experiment and playing with words is fun, so I deviate from time to time. =3
I'll see what I can come up with, but don't expect me to conform to a certain meter! I'll shoot for a sonnet that revolves around an OLD poem I wrote a good while back about a mirror. =P
Btw, do you instant message? I'd love to chat with you sometime man! =D
All of my information is on my main page. ^^
I would be delighted to see any new attempts at sonnetry!
I should warn you though, I am no expert in poetry. I've simply read what has interested me... Mostly Romantic Poets, and the occasional work of free-verse. Meter can be very difficult to get a handle on, though after a while it becomes natural to discern the stressed and unstressed syllables.
What I think makes meter so very powerful is it's ability to showcase the exception. That is, when a meter breaks in a very structured poem, the emotion of the poet really comes forth, almost like the cracking of a voice during a particular recitation, or the broken note during "Taps" at the Kennedy funeral. However, creativity should NEVER take a backseat to form.
I don't IM, sadly, but I'm sure we can figure out an easier way to chat sometime!
I should warn you though, I am no expert in poetry. I've simply read what has interested me... Mostly Romantic Poets, and the occasional work of free-verse. Meter can be very difficult to get a handle on, though after a while it becomes natural to discern the stressed and unstressed syllables.
What I think makes meter so very powerful is it's ability to showcase the exception. That is, when a meter breaks in a very structured poem, the emotion of the poet really comes forth, almost like the cracking of a voice during a particular recitation, or the broken note during "Taps" at the Kennedy funeral. However, creativity should NEVER take a backseat to form.
I don't IM, sadly, but I'm sure we can figure out an easier way to chat sometime!
Endymion is incedentally a really fantastic name/reference.
Again, nice to read somebody actually has a solid grasp of prosody.
Using the emphatic "do" as a filler in line 2 is an unfortunate minor flaw. So is the absence of "ly" in "You dance divine, yet no strings confine." Maybe you could say "your?"
"You are my other shining half/who lifts me up on golden rays." This flirts with being trite. I sort of expect profundity from the moon, if not terseness.
Also, the very last two stanzas strike me as a bit unecessary, for all that you'd obviously want to bring the thing to a close somehow. The end could be stronger, especially what appear to be a smug command in the second-to-last line.
Eine Kleine Success! Very nicely done.
Again, nice to read somebody actually has a solid grasp of prosody.
Using the emphatic "do" as a filler in line 2 is an unfortunate minor flaw. So is the absence of "ly" in "You dance divine, yet no strings confine." Maybe you could say "your?"
"You are my other shining half/who lifts me up on golden rays." This flirts with being trite. I sort of expect profundity from the moon, if not terseness.
Also, the very last two stanzas strike me as a bit unecessary, for all that you'd obviously want to bring the thing to a close somehow. The end could be stronger, especially what appear to be a smug command in the second-to-last line.
Eine Kleine Success! Very nicely done.
Thanks a lot for you comments Furthling; it's always good to know that there's room for improvement. =3
Let's see:
I see what you mean by "do" being filler. I wanted each line to have a certain amount of syllables so that they flowed when I read them, so "do" seemed to fit. =/
As for the absence of "ly" in stanza 3 ~ line 3, I was aware that "dance divine" wasn't proper grammar, but I chose to write it that way so that I could have a nice internal rhyme with "confine." =D
I'm not very good with endings, but I just had to end it off with a stanza that began with "little cosmic serenade." I suppose I sorta see what you mean by the 2nd-to-last line being smug, though I certainly don't intend it to be. I would hope that by the time the reader reaches that line, they'll know that it's just some friendly words of wisdom for the dancing couple. =)
Well, I'm glad that you liked it. I really enjoy writing poetry as a hobby. Painting a picture with words is tons of fun! =D
I hope you find my other works just as intriguing. ^^
Let's see:
I see what you mean by "do" being filler. I wanted each line to have a certain amount of syllables so that they flowed when I read them, so "do" seemed to fit. =/
As for the absence of "ly" in stanza 3 ~ line 3, I was aware that "dance divine" wasn't proper grammar, but I chose to write it that way so that I could have a nice internal rhyme with "confine." =D
I'm not very good with endings, but I just had to end it off with a stanza that began with "little cosmic serenade." I suppose I sorta see what you mean by the 2nd-to-last line being smug, though I certainly don't intend it to be. I would hope that by the time the reader reaches that line, they'll know that it's just some friendly words of wisdom for the dancing couple. =)
Well, I'm glad that you liked it. I really enjoy writing poetry as a hobby. Painting a picture with words is tons of fun! =D
I hope you find my other works just as intriguing. ^^
I plan to look through them more, definitely!
I hope the remarks about the ending weren't unwelcome. Personally, I struggle with the length of stuff I write and wanting to include all the elucidations and every stanza I dash off half-formed. There's enormous value in shorter poems, and it's something I have a lot of trouble with, so you know, maybe my judgement about that is off anyway.
I hope the remarks about the ending weren't unwelcome. Personally, I struggle with the length of stuff I write and wanting to include all the elucidations and every stanza I dash off half-formed. There's enormous value in shorter poems, and it's something I have a lot of trouble with, so you know, maybe my judgement about that is off anyway.
I completely agree with you! =D
The length of a poem can have an enormous impact on the poem itself. I find it very hard to control, unless you're conforming to a preset format, like a sonnet. =3
Short poems are powerful because they tend to compress something emotionally grand into a few short lines. The haiku is a great example of this, though I find it WAYYYY too short! lol
However, my poem "To Fold a Season" combines 7 working haiku into something kewls! x3
And your comments were very much welcome my furiend; I enjoy hearing other people's opinions, good or bad. =D
The length of a poem can have an enormous impact on the poem itself. I find it very hard to control, unless you're conforming to a preset format, like a sonnet. =3
Short poems are powerful because they tend to compress something emotionally grand into a few short lines. The haiku is a great example of this, though I find it WAYYYY too short! lol
However, my poem "To Fold a Season" combines 7 working haiku into something kewls! x3
And your comments were very much welcome my furiend; I enjoy hearing other people's opinions, good or bad. =D
Thanks a bunch! I'm happy that you enjoyed it! ^^
And Korzel, huh? Now that's a beautiful name. =P
You and Enydimon make a great collab team. Your elegant lineart and his vibrant coloring make some stunning pics! I'm kinda curious if you've ever dabbled in backgrounds before. I always picture you two in a very tranquil place when looking at those ballroom dance pics. I'd love to see a pic with you two dancing somewhere! =3
Take care! =D
And Korzel, huh? Now that's a beautiful name. =P
You and Enydimon make a great collab team. Your elegant lineart and his vibrant coloring make some stunning pics! I'm kinda curious if you've ever dabbled in backgrounds before. I always picture you two in a very tranquil place when looking at those ballroom dance pics. I'd love to see a pic with you two dancing somewhere! =3
Take care! =D
I really don't like doing backgrounds very much, but that is just me. It takes a lot of work to do them. I don't know if Eny enjoys them or not, but each picture is a different size, so I dunno. I'll talk to Eny about it and maybe the last dance picture will have a background. I haven't been drawing them since I am so busy with work and college and I can't remember the next dance to draw. XD
Very very nice!!
You follow your rhyming scheme perfectly. Kudos! So few do that, anymore.
The meter is a bit rough in spots, but forgiveable.
Some very nice lines, which give either a nice image, or the alliteration is sparkling:
The word "citric" is particularly nice.
"twinkling-tango fireflies" Oh, lovely alliteration.
"the pas de deux of dusk and dawn" Oh wow...what an image...
Well done.
You follow your rhyming scheme perfectly. Kudos! So few do that, anymore.
The meter is a bit rough in spots, but forgiveable.
Some very nice lines, which give either a nice image, or the alliteration is sparkling:
The word "citric" is particularly nice.
"twinkling-tango fireflies" Oh, lovely alliteration.
"the pas de deux of dusk and dawn" Oh wow...what an image...
Well done.
Thank you soooo much! x3
It's true about the meter though. I'm afraid I don't quite grasp that concept of poetry very well, and it's a very powerful tool. =(
That aside, I like to focus on other aspects of poetry, mostly: alliteration, imagery, metaphors, similes, etc.
Nature is my genre of poetry and where I get most of my inspiration. =P
I like to think: "where I lack in meter, I make up in imagery." ^^
Again, I am extremely appreciative for you taking the time to read and comment on this piece. I hope you'll find the rest of my poetic gallery just as enjoyable. I'm still geeking out over my latest submission: "When I Stopped That Day To Pick Death's Rose." =D
It's true about the meter though. I'm afraid I don't quite grasp that concept of poetry very well, and it's a very powerful tool. =(
That aside, I like to focus on other aspects of poetry, mostly: alliteration, imagery, metaphors, similes, etc.
Nature is my genre of poetry and where I get most of my inspiration. =P
I like to think: "where I lack in meter, I make up in imagery." ^^
Again, I am extremely appreciative for you taking the time to read and comment on this piece. I hope you'll find the rest of my poetic gallery just as enjoyable. I'm still geeking out over my latest submission: "When I Stopped That Day To Pick Death's Rose." =D
WHAT I JUST READ MADE THE GODS JIZZ IN THEIR PANTS!!!!...to put it lightly ^.^
You know what I like about your work, is that it reminds me of my own o.o
Maybe I am crazy or if you read some of mine would you see it too?
Anyways I love it, there are a few words you could smooth out, but the premise for this, being the Sun and the Moon dancing between day and night is seriously SCHA-WING!
Ok, now that I have said that...how about a game of checkers? *Smiles*...Nevermind I forgot the board.
You know what I like about your work, is that it reminds me of my own o.o
Maybe I am crazy or if you read some of mine would you see it too?
Anyways I love it, there are a few words you could smooth out, but the premise for this, being the Sun and the Moon dancing between day and night is seriously SCHA-WING!
Ok, now that I have said that...how about a game of checkers? *Smiles*...Nevermind I forgot the board.
Wowsa!! =O
*watches the gods jizz* (o.o)
Heee, well thank you! =D
Yeah, this was back in my non-meter days (so it not reading all too smoothly is very understandable), but oh how I still love this poem! \(ToT)/
Similarities in our work, eh? SHOW MESSSS!! x3
I definitely need to read more of your work. If it's anything like you're recently AWEsome "Serenity Field," then I'll be hooked fur sure! lol
Thanks again, and for the fave as well! =O
*watches the gods jizz* (o.o)
Heee, well thank you! =D
Yeah, this was back in my non-meter days (so it not reading all too smoothly is very understandable), but oh how I still love this poem! \(ToT)/
Similarities in our work, eh? SHOW MESSSS!! x3
I definitely need to read more of your work. If it's anything like you're recently AWEsome "Serenity Field," then I'll be hooked fur sure! lol
Thanks again, and for the fave as well! =O
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